'A Comedy of Errors' in Seven Acts, Spokeshave [english books to improve english .txt] 📗

Francos:

Ah, sir, thy words deep meaning ever bear,

And if the past were all I'd bid it sleep.

But now a new distemper hath appeared;

For one who was selected for his worth

And whom I boasted as a model man,

Within whose veins did course a newer blood,

Hath fool-like fallen on his knees before

The goddess Venus, and to Bacchus fell

A willing victim; while his babbling mouth

Did spew dire boastings of official pull,

While Folly's goblet filled unto the brim

Slopped over, when in wordy contest, he

With green-winged parrot did engage, and fain

Its neck would there have wrung because its hue

Proclaimed not sympathy with those who bear

The orange flag when they procession make!

The guardsmen of the peace should ever soar

On wings of probity and moral worth

As Erin's Isle had furnished many such

I deemed I'd found a jewel in the rough;

But when there trickled through the spying press

A literary effort from his pen,

Wherein he said a woman "clumb" a wall

My faith in his attainments quick did fade.

Sir Higgs:

But, Sire, this dire misfortune comes in trail

Of boosting all who wear the party tag.

If I should speak the promptings of my heart,

'Twould to be give this fool a parting kick.

Sir Windbag:

But there be may in this bristling mob

Who slur at all who from proud Caesar's hand

Have gladly licked the crumbs his bounty gave

To soothe the hunger of his starving host.

Francos:

Ha! Thou hast hit the nail upon the head,

These bumpkins must not have a new made food

For laughter at our misadventure here,

Hence it were wise to send this fellow off

As if he in the path of duty treads.

Nor must we breathe but that his quick return

Will fill expectant hearts with honest joy,

Thus may we darken shades of memory.

Sir Henmart:

But did this officer a contest wage,

With her whose heart went out unto her bird?

Francos:

What! hast thou heard, on wings of rumor borne,

This matter in full detail free discussed?

Sir Higgs:

Sir, 'tis but common chatter on the streets.

And naught can hide it from the public gaze.

Francos:

Alas, there is one remedy in view

We all must strong denial ever make.

Oh, that one of the scum so strong entrenched

Had by his conduct rendered me a chance!

I would his vileness on the nonce have voiced,

But now 'twere best to cloud this matter well.

Sir Higgs:

Methinks this scuttling goes too far by half

In ousting tried officials from their posts.

'Twere wise to zeal politic well repay,

But still, efficiency should ever bring

Reward. And this, indeed, involves us all,

For dire distempers in the tropics breed:

Hence it were best to kindly caution woo.

Francos:

Sir Higgs, indeed thou ever reasonst well.

Sore ills encompass us on every side

And now do pests my happy home invade,

Bearing dire fevers on their pigmy wings,

Alas, the song they sing rejoiceth that

Efficient doctors, who did battle wage

Against them, are removed and in their place

Incompetents installed. Indeed, their stings

Convincing plea do ever make that we

Should quick return to paths trodden before

And wage crusade against the swarming pests

Until their songs are legends of the past.

Sir Windbag:

But hold, sweet Francos: did not God design

That e'en the insect should his life enjoy?

Indeed, his joyous song of gratitude

Doth only cease that he may puncture make

To meet requirements which God hath ordained.

Hence it were well to nature's laws obey,

For e'en this insect, as it wings its way,

Hath fond desire, and "knows just what it wants."

Francos, Sir Higgs and Henmart (in concert:)

Oh Rats! Rats!! Rats!!!

A Council of War Dramatis Personae

Francos . . . . . High Cockalorum.
Sir Henmart . . . Vice Cockalorum.
Sir Higgs . . . . Councillor.
Sir Windbag . . . Councillor.
Col. Toady . . . Grand Enumerator.

     Scene: Executive Chamber.

Francos:

Ah! woe is me, my gentle councillors.

Again has treason shown its slimy head;

And from its source, I fear me, it doth bode

But ill to us, who God's anointed are.

If pedagogues may raise disdainful voice

And gross abuse on the elect bestow

Can safety from vituperation vile

From out this rotten mob be e'er assured?

Sir Henmart:

Good Francos, as this matter emanates

From out the sphere of my prerogative,

I feel a special sorrow doth becloud

The sunny pathway which I late have trod.

I find it difficult to blaze my way;

The competent among my teaching corps

Are those who dare opinions firm to form;

If loyalty alone shall be test,

'Twill leave us but a small unthinking host,

And then efficiency will find its grave

Within the tomb of our official rage.

Sir Windbag:

But Caesar grieveth that his mighty star,

Which in the human firmament doth shine

So brightly that it lighteth up the world,

Should be bespattered by this inky mud.

Col. Toady:

Ah, it were sacrilege to thus befoul

The mighty soul whose penetration deep

Hath by selection brought this galaxy

Of excellence to lead this groping state

In paths which lead to freedom and to pow'r.

Sir Higgs:

Alas, 'twas ever thus. I, in the past,

Have suffered from the pricks of nagging quills,

And all who mount aloft on fortune's wing

Must bear with ripe philosophy such ills.

Francos:

But loyalty! In Tammany I learned

That duty meek, subservient, should mark

The underlings, who but a stairway make

By which capacity doth climb to pow'r.

Efficiency! it were an idle word,

And rings not soundly on politic ear;

Obedience, the watchword e'er should be.

To do and not to think we must demand.

The welfare of our party e'er should be

Our slogan even in this wilderness;

And he who doth as critic act a part

Should quickly feel the headsman's shining blade.

Sir Windbag:

But, sire, from signs I read on every hand

If such a policy were long pursued

We must import from out our native land

More Loyal Democrats, who longing wait

To most efficiently infuse "new blood"

Where now stagnation makes the veins turn blue.

Col. Toady:

Right, right you are! I know an anxious host

Who long have languished from the want of pap,

And once were they turned loose, the energy

So long stored up would vivify this state,

But this fool civil service bars the way—

It should be thrust aside for party's good.

Francos:

Thy words do to my willing ear appeal,

But our politic foes are strong entrenched,

While mockish sentiment doth strongly point

To danger, if we cast the scoundrels out.

Col. Toady:

But, sire, in Washington they work a plan

Which, while it seems to vindicate the law,

Roots out the vermin by demoting them,

And thus our Southern veterans find a place.

Sir Higgs:

But, friends, doth prudence warrant such a step?

Already inefficiency doth creep

Into each bureau till our revenues

Do warning give that we must now beware.

Sir Windbag:

But, gentlemen, our salaries are sure;

If needs must be, cut down and slyly pare

Along the line where least resistance lies,

And on our predecessors throw the blame.

Francos:

But Caesar an accounting will demand

Should this frail craft be wrecked or run aground,

For he doth wish to cast it soon adrift

With crew well drilled to threatening shoals avoid.

Sir Higgs:

Here wisdom surely speaks in trumpet tones,

And hence we must adventure wisely make

To guide the vessel on its way with care

And launch it as a well-manned sturdy craft;

Then, whatsoe'er befalls them, we can wash

Our hands, for they by importunity

Most strong, will then have ventured on the cruise

In unknown seas where dangers dark do dwell.

Col. Toady:

Ha! well we know the course the ship will take

With men of color standing at the helm;

But let them reap the tares which they have sown,

We care not if they cut each other's throats.

Sir Windbag:

But, gentle sir, if they desire to war,

Why should we hinder such a sportive game?

They own those isles, and why should we debar

Them pastimes, for "they know just what they want."

Francos:

But, sirs, we wander from the vital point.

I called this conclave to impress with force

The import great of sifting from our ranks

Those evil-minded men, whose loyalty

Is doubtful, and may bring lasting reproach

Upon our policies, and thus besmirch

The reputation