Life of St Teresa of Jesus, Teresa of Avila [top ten books to read TXT] 📗

with a humble

and holy presumption, in order that they may never return to the

flesh-pots of Egypt. And if through weakness and wickedness, and

a mean and wretched nature, they should fall, as I did, let them

always keep in mind the good they have lost; let them suspect and

fear—they have reason to do so—that, if they do not resume

their prayer, they may go on from bad to worse. I call that a

real fall which makes us hate the way by which so great a good

was obtained. I address myself to those souls; but I am not

saying that they will never offend God, nor fall into

sin,—though there are good reasons why those who have received

these graces should keep themselves carefully from sin; but we

are miserable creatures. What I earnestly advise is this: let

there be no giving up of prayer; it is by prayer they will

understand what they are doing, and obtain from our Lord the

grace to repent, and strength to rise again; they must believe

and believe again that, if they cease from praying, they run—so

I think—into danger. I know not if I understand what I am

saying; for, as I said before, I measure others by myself. [6]

6. The prayer of quiet, then, is a little spark of the true love

of Himself, which our Lord begins to enkindle in the soul; and

His will is, that the soul should understand what this love is by

the joy it brings. This quiet and recollection and little spark,

if it is the work of the Spirit of God, and not a sweetness

supplied by Satan, or brought about by ourselves, produces great

results. A person of experience, however, cannot possibly fail

to understand at once that it is not a thing that can be

acquired, were it not that our nature is so greedy of sweetness,

that it seeks for it in every way. But it becomes cold very

soon; for, however much we try to make the fire burn, in order to

obtain this sweetness, it does not appear that we do anything

else but throw water on it, to put it out. This spark, then,

given of God, however slight it may be, causes a great crackling;

and if men do not quench it by their faults, it is the beginning

of the great fire, which sends forth—I shall speak of it in the

proper place [7]—the flames of that most vehement love of God

which His Majesty will have perfect souls to possess.

7. This little spark is a sign or pledge which God gives to a

soul, in token of His having chosen it for great things, if it

will prepare to receive them. It is a great gift, much too great

for me to be able to speak of it. It is a great sorrow to me;

because, as I said before, [8] I know that many souls come thus

far, and that those who go farther, as they ought to go, are so

few, that I am ashamed to say it. I do not mean that they are

absolutely few: there must be many, because God is patient with

us, for some reasons; I speak of what I have seen.

8. I should like much to recommend these souls to take care that

they do not hide their talent; for it may be that God has chosen

them to be the edification of many others, especially in these

days, when the friends of God should be strong, in order that

they may support the weak. Those who discern in themselves this

grace, must look upon themselves as such friends, if they would

fulfil the law which even the honourable friendship of the world

respects; if not, as I said just now, [9] let them fear and

tremble, lest they should be doing mischief to themselves—and

God grant it be to themselves only!

9. What the soul has to do at those seasons wherein it is raised

to the prayer of quiet is nothing more than to be gentle and

without noise. By noise, I mean going about with the

understanding in search of words and reflections whereby to give

God thanks for this grace, and heaping up its sins and

imperfections together to show that it does not deserve it.

All this commotion takes place now, and the understanding comes

forward, and the memory is restless, and certainly to me these

powers bring much weariness at times; for, though my memory is

not strong, I cannot control it. Let the will quietly and wisely

understand that it is not by dint of labour on our part that we

can converse to any good purpose with God, and that our own

efforts are only great logs of wood, laid on without discretion

to quench this little spark; and let it confess this, and in

humility say, O Lord, what can I do here? what has the servant to

do with her Lord, and earth with heaven? or words of love that

suggest themselves now, firmly grounded in the conviction that

what it says is truth; and let it make no account of the

understanding, which is simply tiresome.

10. And if the will wishes to communicate to the understanding

any portion of that the fruition of which itself has entered on,

or if it labours to make the understanding recollected, it shall

not succeed; for it will often happen that the will is in union

and at rest, while the understanding is in extreme disorder.

It is better for it to leave it alone, and not to run after it—I

am speaking of the will; for the will should abide in the

fruition of that grace, recollected itself, like the prudent bee;

for if no bees entered the hive, and each of them wandered abroad

in search of the rest, the honey would hardly be made. In the

same way, the soul will lose much if it be not careful now,

especially if the understanding be acute; for when it begins to

make reflections and search for reasons, it will think at once

that it is doing something if its reasons and reflections

are good.

11. The only reason that ought to be admitted now is to

understand clearly that there is no reason whatever, except His

mere goodness, why God should grant us so great a grace, and to

be aware that we are so near Him, and to pray to His Majesty for

mercies, to make intercession for the Church, for those who had

been recommended to us, and for the souls in purgatory,—not,

however, with noise of words, but with a heartfelt desire to be

heard. This is a prayer that contains much, and by it more is

obtained than by many reflections of the understanding. Let the

will stir up some of those reasons, which proceed from reason

itself, to quicken its love, such as the fact of its being in a

better state, and let it make certain acts of love, as what it

will do for Him to whom it owes so much,—and that, as I said

just now, without any noise of the understanding, in the search

after profound reflections. A little straw,—and it will be less

than straw, if we bring it ourselves,—laid on with humility,

will be more effectual here, and will help to kindle a fire more

than many fagots of most learned reasons, which, in my opinion,

will put it out in a moment.

12. This is good for those learned men who have commanded me to

write, [10] and who all, by the goodness of God, have come to

this state; for it may be that they spend the time in making

applications of passages of the Scriptures. And though learning

could not fail to be of great use to them, both before and after

prayer, still, in the very time of prayer itself, there is little

necessity for it, in my opinion, unless it be for the purpose of

making the will tepid; for the understanding then, because of its

nearness to the light, is itself illuminated; so that even I, who

am what I am, seem to be a different person. And so it is; for

it has happened to me, who scarcely understand a word of what I

read in Latin, and specially in the Psalms, when in the prayer of

quiet, not only to understand the Latin as if it were Spanish,

but, still more, to take a delight in dwelling on the meaning of

that I knew through the Spanish. We must make an exception: if

these learned men have to preach or to teach, they will do well

to take advantage of their learning, that they may help poor

people of little learning, of whom I am one. Charity is a great

thing; and so always is ministering unto souls, when done simply

for God.

13. So, then, when the soul is in the prayer of quiet, let it

repose in its rest—let learning be put on one side. The time

will come when they may make use of it in the service of our

Lord—when they that possess it will appreciate it so highly as

to be glad that they had not neglected it even for all the

treasures of the world, simply because it enables them to serve

His Majesty; for it is a great help. But in the eyes of Infinite

Wisdom, believe me, a little striving after humility, and a

single act thereof, are worth more than all the science in the

world. This is not the time for discussing, but for

understanding plainly what we are, and presenting ourselves in

simplicity before God, who will have the soul make itself as a

fool—as, indeed, it is—in His presence, seeing that His Majesty

so humbles Himself as to suffer it to be near Him, we being what

we are.

14. Moreover, the understanding bestirs itself to make its

thanksgiving in phrases well arranged; but the will, in peace,

not daring to lift up its eyes with the publican, [11] makes

perhaps a better act of thanksgiving than the understanding, with

all the tropes of its rhetoric. In a word, mental prayer is not

to be abandoned altogether now, nor even vocal prayer, if at any

time we wish, or can, to make use of either of them; for if the

state of quiet be profound, it becomes difficult to speak, and it

can be done only with great pain.

15. I believe myself that we know whether this proceeds from the

Spirit of God, or is brought about by endeavours of our own, in

the commencement of devotion which God gives; and we seek of

ourselves, as I said before, [12] to pass onwards to this quiet

of the will. Then, no effect whatever is produced; it is quickly

over, and aridity is the result. If it comes from Satan, the

practised soul, in my opinion, will detect it, because it leaves

trouble behind, and scant humility and poor dispositions for

those effects which are wrought if it comes from God; it leaves

neither light in the understanding nor steadiness in

the truth. [13]

16. Here Satan can do little or no harm, if the soul directs unto

God the joy and sweetness it then feels; and if it fixes the

thoughts and desires on Him, according to the advice already

given, the devil can gain nothing whatever—on the contrary, by

the permission of God, he will lose much by that very joy which

he causes in the soul, because that joy will help the soul,

inasmuch as it thinks the joy comes from God, to betake itself

often to