Life of St Teresa of Jesus, Teresa of Avila [top ten books to read TXT] 📗

of what they were saying.

14. At last the Provincial commanded me to explain my conduct

before the nuns, and I had to do it. As I was perfectly calm,

and our Lord helped me, I explained everything in such a way that

neither the Provincial nor those who were present found any

reason to condemn me. Afterwards I spoke more plainly to the

Provincial alone; he was very much satisfied, and promised, if

the new monastery prospered, and the city became quiet, to give

me leave to live in it. Now the outcry in the city was very

great, as I am going to tell. Two or three days after this, the

governor, certain members of the council of the city and of the

Chapter, came together, and resolved that the new monastery

should not be allowed to exist, that it was a visible wrong to

the state, that the most Holy Sacrament should be removed, and

that they would not suffer us to go on with our work.

15. They assembled all the Orders—that is, two learned men from

each—to give their opinion. Some were silent, others condemned;

in the end, they resolved that the monastery should be broken up.

Only one [21]—he was of the Order of St. Dominic, and objected,

not to the monastery itself, but to the foundation of it in

poverty—said that there was no reason why it should be thus

dissolved, that the matter ought to be well considered, that

there was time enough, that it was the affair of the bishop, with

other things of that kind. This was of great service to us, for

they were angry enough to proceed to its destruction at once, and

it was fortunate they did not. In short, the monastery must

exist; our Lord was pleased to have it, and all of them could do

nothing against His will. They gave their reasons, and showed

their zeal for good, and thus, without offending God, made me

suffer together with all those who were in favour of the

monastery; there were not many, but they suffered much

persecution. The inhabitants were so excited, that they talked

of nothing else; every one condemned me, and hurried to the

Provincial and to my monastery.

16. I was no more distressed by what they said of me than if they

had said nothing; but I was afraid the monastery would be

destroyed: that was painful; so also was it to see those persons

who helped me lose their credit and suffer so much annoyance.

But as to what was said of myself I was rather glad, and if I had

had any faith I should not have been troubled at all. But a

slight failing in one virtue is enough to put all the others to

sleep. I was therefore extremely distressed during the two days

on which those assemblies of which I have spoken were held.

In the extremity of my trouble, our Lord said to me: “Knowest

thou not that I am the Almighty? what art thou afraid of?”

He made me feel assured that the monastery would not be broken

up, and I was exceedingly comforted. The informations taken were

sent up to the king’s council, and an order came back for a

report on the whole matter.

17. Here was the beginning of a grand lawsuit: the city sent

delegates to the court, and some must be sent also to defend the

monastery: but I had no money, nor did I know what to do.

Our Lord provided for us for the Father Provincial never ordered

me not to meddle in the matter. He is so great a lover of all

that is good, that, though he did not help us, he would not be

against our work. Neither did he authorise me to enter the house

till he saw how it would end. Those servants of God who were in

it were left alone, and did more by their prayers than I did with

all my negotiations, though the affair needed the utmost

attention. Now and then everything seemed to fail; particularly

one day, before the Provincial came, when the prioress ordered me

to meddle no more with it, and to give it up altogether.

I betook myself to God, and said, “O Lord, this house is not

mine; it was founded for Thee; and now that there is no one to

take up the cause, do Thou protect it.” I now felt myself in

peace, and as free from anxiety as if the whole world were on my

side in the matter; and at once I looked upon it as safe. [22]

18. A very great servant of God, and a lover of all perfection, a

priest [23] who had helped me always, went to the court on this

business, and took great pains. That holy nobleman [24] of whom

I have often spoken laboured much on our behalf, and helped us in

every way. He had much trouble and persecution to endure, and I

always found a father in him, and do so still. All those who

helped us, our Lord filled with such fervour as made them

consider our affair as their own, as if their own life and

reputation were at stake; and yet it was nothing to them, except

in so far as it regarded the service of our Lord. His Majesty

visibly helped the priest I have spoken of before, [25] who was

also one of those who gave us great help when the Bishop sent him

as his representative to one of the great meetings. There he

stood alone against all; at last he pacified them by means of

certain propositions, which obtained us a little respite.

But that was not enough; for they were ready to spend their

lives, if they could but destroy the monastery. This servant of

God was he who gave the habit and reserved the most Holy

Sacrament, and he was the object of much persecution.

This attack lasted about six months: to relate in detail the

heavy trials we passed through would be too tedious.

19. I wondered at what Satan did against a few poor women, and

also how all people thought that merely twelve women, with a

prioress, could be so hurtful to the city,—for they were not to

be more,—I say this to those who opposed us,—and living such

austere lives; for if any harm or error came of it, it would all

fall upon them. Harm to the city there could not be in any way;

and yet the people thought there was so much in it, that they

opposed us with a good conscience. At last they resolved they

would tolerate us if we were endowed, and in consideration of

that would suffer us to remain. I was so distressed at the

trouble of all those who were on our side—more than at my

own—that I thought it would not be amiss, till the people were

pacified, to accept an endowment, but afterwards to resign it.

At other times, too, wicked and imperfect as I am, I thought that

perhaps our Lord wished it to be so, seeing that, without

accepting it, we could not succeed; and so I consented to

the compromise.

20. The night before the settlement was to be made, I was in

prayer,—the discussion of the terms of it had already

begun,—when our Lord said to me that I must do nothing of the

kind; for if we began with an endowment, they would never allow

us to resign it. He said some other things also. The same

night, the holy friar, Peter of Alcantara, appeared to me.

He was then dead. [26] But he had written to me before his

death—for he knew the great opposition and persecution we had to

bear—that he was glad the foundation was so much spoken against;

it was a sign that our Lord would be exceedingly honoured in the

monastery, seeing that Satan was so earnest against it; and that

I was by no means to consent to an endowment. He urged this upon

me twice or thrice in that letter, and said that if I persisted

in this everything would succeed according to my wish.

21. At this time I had already seen him twice since his death,

and the great glory he was in, and so I was not afraid,—on the

contrary, I was very glad; for he always appeared as a glorified

body in great happiness, and the vision made me very happy too.

I remember that he told me, the first time I saw him, among other

things, when speaking of the greatness of his joy, that the

penance he had done was a blessed thing for him, in that it had

obtained so great a reward. But, as I think I have spoken of

this before, [27] I will now say no more than that he showed

himself severe on this occasion: he merely said that I was on no

account to accept an endowment, and asked why it was I did not

take his advice. He then disappeared. I remained in

astonishment, and the next day told the nobleman—for I went to

him in all my trouble, as to one who did more than others for us

in the matter,—what had taken place, and charged him not to

consent to the endowment, but to let the lawsuit go on. He was

more firm on this point than I was, and was therefore greatly

pleased; he told me afterwards how much he disliked

the compromise.

22. After this, another personage—a great servant of God, and

with good intentions—came forward, who, now that the matter was

in good train, advised us to put it in the hands of learned men.

This brought on trouble enough; for some of those who helped me

agreed to do so; and this plot of Satan was one of the most

difficult of all to unravel. Our Lord was my helper throughout.

Writing thus briefly, it is impossible for me to explain what

took place during the two years that passed between the beginning

and the completion of the monastery: the last six months and the

first six months were the most painful.

23. When at last the city was somewhat calm, the licentiate

father, the Dominican friar [28] who helped us, exerted himself

most skilfully on our behalf. Though not here at the time, our

Lord brought him here at a most convenient moment for our

service, and it seems that His Majesty brought him for that

purpose only. He told me afterwards that he had no reasons for

coming, and that he heard of our affair as if by chance.

He remained here as long as we wanted him, and on going away he

prevailed, by some means, on the Father Provincial to permit me

to enter this house, and to take with me some of the

nuns [29]—such a permission seemed impossible in so short a time

for the performance of the Divine Office—and the training of

those who were in this house: the day of our coming was a most

joyful day for me. [30]

24. While praying in the church, before I went into the house,

and being as it were in a trance, I saw Christ; who, as it seemed

to me, received me with great affection, placed a crown on my

head, and thanked me for what I had done for His Mother.

On another occasion, when all of us remained in the choir in

prayer after Compline, I saw our Lady in exceeding glory, in a

white mantle, with which she seemed to cover us all.

I understood by that the high