Forbidden Desire, Ritesh Prasad [chrysanthemum read aloud .TXT] 📗

be upset? You-,” I wanted to say something, but my words choked in my vocal cord, words were not coming easily. I was very much in a state of hysteria now.

 

“Tell me? Are you angry??”

 

“No Sakshi, I am not. I am just thinking over what you said.”

 

“Yes, you heard me correct, please don’t get annoyed. I have started liking you, I can’t hide this anymore. I don’t know how and when this happened, but my feelings for you are real. I don’t know how you will react, but it’s true….. Yessss, I am crazy about you….Yes, I am in love with you!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

She said those lines in a single breath; each of her sentences went like an arrow piercing my heart. I really didn’t know how to react and what to say. I was just mum holding my cell phone.

 

“If you believe I have done anything wrong, you can chastise me, I don’t know how this feeling started, previously I had set my mind that I would never express this to you, but today’s incident just compelled me to burst my feelings, I could not carry the way Riya was getting close with you.” She stopped with a heavy voice.

 

“But Sakshi, this is not right??? It’s okay, we are friends, we talk to each other. How come suddenly this love feelings? We have hardly spent much time together. How can you fall in love with me….it’s completely illogical? I don’t think this is right. I am scared what if Kaushik knows about this, and if your family comes to know how badly they will feel about us. No Sakshi…..just forget…..this is not right……try to understand the consequences of this. Though I admire you, but I can’t love you. You are nice, but this is impossible……. Please take your words back.” I said being conscious.

 

“You believe it’s that simple…. How can I take my words back? How can I discard every feeling from my heart? You don’t love me, that’s fine, but don’t try to explain me what is right or wrong. I wanted to express my feelings I have just done that. Rest all depends upon you. Bye …..Good night.” Were her last words and the phone was disconnected.

4. Love Confession

Love Confession:

  

I kept my cellphone aside and laid flat on the bed, back in mind was the repeat telecast of her every single word. I was in a dilemma, what should I do, I seriously don’t know how to react on this, should I be ecstatic or shall I panic? What if everyone comes to know about this? Thinking about the consequences made me shivered. Many thoughts came to my mind, should I leave Kolkata? No was the prompt reply that will create a lot of problems in my life, what will I say to my family? Why I had returned? Then there was another thought, I should stop going to her place and leave this hostel as well. I will look for new hostel near our office in Ballygunge.... yeah, that’s good idea. But how will I convince everyone? Won’t they feel bad I if I suddenly stop visiting their house? What will I say if they ask me why I was not coming to their place? I was really confuse, scared, nervous…..just everything. With so many thoughts playing drums in my mind, I was finding very hard to sleep. I looked at my watch, it was around 1:30 am. I must sleep, I said to myself, tomorrow I need to get up early for office. So I turned off the room light and went to sleep.

 

The next day was as usual in the office, but I was finding it very hard to concentrate on my work, I was expecting a Call or SMS from Sakshi, but unfortunately there was none. Around 10:00 pm I returned to t’he hostel, had my dinner came straight to my room. I didn’t go to Nikhil’s room either as I usually did. While lying on the bed I was looking again and again at my cellphone, hoping that she might call but it didn’t happen. Several times I thought shall I call her? But my conscience didn’t allow me. The days passed in a similar manner, but there was no communication from her end and this silence was just killing me. Finally, it was Sunday, my day to visit her home as I usually did, but this Sunday was not the same. How will I face her? What will I say? I should go or not? Such questions were running in my mind since morning. My mind was jumbled with her thoughts. There was a tug of war between my mind and heart, finally my heart won and I decided to visit her place. I was noticing changes in my behaviour, suddenly I was more concerned about my looks and concentrate more on what outfit should I wear? Earlier I was never bothered about my looks. After so many trials on my outfit, I finally settled for Blue jeans and black round neck T-shirt. I wanted to free both my soul and body and wanted to disguise my anxiety with my appearance.

 

Around 1:30 pm I hesitantly pushed the doorbell, thank God the door was opened by Kaushik. I greeted him and went in, Aunty was there in the kitchen as usual, Raju was busy in playing video games. While talking with Kaushik I intentionally took a round all over the house with the hope that I could see her, but she was nowhere. I felt a bit sad, where is she?? I said to myself. I didn’t have the guts to ask about her to anyone. We had our lunch together in the dining hall round 2:00 pm this finally gave me the indication that she was not there in the house, otherwise she would have definitely come up for lunch. Kaushik was planning for an evening movie show, but I was in no mood, at that point of time I didn’t like anything, my heart & soul was just desperate to meet her. Kaushik went outside with Raju for some work and told me to take rest while he will be back in an hour. With Sakshi being nowhere around in the house how could I rest in peace? I was very upset and felt like returning back to the hostel.

 

I went to the balcony and sat there for a while to cool myself. Suddenly the doorbell rang; I looked at my cellphone it showed 3: 22 pm, this must be Sakshi I thought to myself. “Where were you Sakshi, see what time is it? You don’t have time for lunch.” was the voice of Aunty, I could clearly hear from the balcony, my heart beat grew faster and faster like I was running on a treadmill. A while ago I was desperately looking for her in the house and now when she is there, I wanted to escape, wanted to hide myself. Strange!!!!! Does this happen to everyone when you are not sure whether you are in love or not? A lot of such questions ran in my head. I could hear the conversation between Mom and daughter from the balcony, but kept myself confined there. I was literally very very scared, I don’t know why. After having her lunch, she came to the balcony looking for towel and saw me standing there, our eyes met and I gave her an awkward smile which clearly indicated I was feeling sheepish. She just stared at me and went inside without responding to my smile.

 

I felt very bad and confined myself there in the balcony, could hear the sound of the television. I guess either she or Mom was watching the television. Suddenly there was a voice…

 

“What are you doing beta in the balcony for so long?” This was auntie’s voice.

I came into the drawing room and saw Aunty in the sofa with the TV remote in her hand. Sakshi was not present there. She went to her room and I could see from the hall that her room door was partially closed.

 

“Come sit and watch TV, a nice Salman Khan’s movie is going on.” She said.

 

“Yes Aunty.” I replied, my eyes still at the room door.

 

“Ohh he is very good looking, do you watch his movies.” She enquired.

 

“I watch very less movies.” I replied in crisp.

 

“Kaushik will be back in an hour, don’t worry.” She said with her eyes glued on TV.

 

I guess she sensed my uncomfortness but could not guess rightly the actual reason for it. It was not because of Kaushik, but because of her daughter.

My eyes were from time to time keeping watch at her door, hoping that she will come out but she didn’t. After some time Kaushik came back, we had tea together, but Sakshi was still confined to her room. I felt very very bad, but was helpless that I couldn’t do anything. She didn’t come out even once from her room till the time I was there. It was already 6:00 pm and time for me to leave.

 

“Come, let’s go, I will take you to Sanjeev’s house.” Kaushik said while getting up from the sofa.

 

“No bro! Some other day, I want to go back to the hostel, have some urgent work.” I made excuse to him.

 

“Okay, no problem.” He said.

 

I said goodbye to everyone in a little louder tone so that she could hear me and moved little steps towards the door. I gave the last final look back, hoping that I could see her face if a miracle happens and she might come out of her room. But unfortunately, it didn’t happen and with heavy heart I gave a final smile to everyone and came out of their house.

 

“Bye Beta, take care,” was the last word from Aunty, I could hear as I came out. I was on the road feeling very very upset, I went to the nearby pan shop and lit a cigarette and moved slowly to the auto stand to catch auto for my hostel. Her charming face was revolving around my eyes, though I was walking in the middle of the road but felt like as if there was no one, I was completely lost in her thoughts. Why she was so rude to me? She didn’t speak a single word to me; forget about words, she didn’t even smile. Have I hurt her feelings so badly? Why I am thinking so much about her? Why the hell I am so desperate to see her? Do I am also falling in love with her too? May be yes? All these questions jumbled my mind while walking in the middle of the road. With all those thoughts playing games in my mind I reached hostel and went straight to Nikhil’s room.

 

I was surprised to see, he was there lying on the bed with a guitar in his hand.

 

“Hey Nikhil, when did you buy this guitar?” I enquired.

 

“Ohh, this is not mine, Shantanu (one of our hostel mate) borrowed this from his friend.” He responded while trying to play it, but he couldn’t and was just creating noise.

 

“Let me see.” I said and took the guitar from his hand.

 

“Do you know how to play this, like