fantasty kiss, raj say hello [bill gates best books .TXT] 📗

Possibly because I wasn’t moving until January or because I talked to Devin last night. Probably because I had talked with Devin last night; not about me moving but about other things. Things that we normally talked about. Things that wouldn’t stress him out so much. Or me.
While I was concerned with Devin’s feelings I knew I couldn’t help but think about mine too. This whole thing effected me just as much as it affected him. It felt like my heart would break if I didn’t get to see him anymore. I wouldn’t go as far as to say my very being consisted of seeing him and if I didn’t get to see him then I just might die. No, that was a bit too melodramatic for me. But it felt like I couldn’t breathe at times. It felt like the air was being pulled from my body involuntarily. Almost like I was drowning.
But to be honest I sort of felt like this a lot lately. Since Devin and I had been sneaking around I felt like I was drowning in both the lies and secrecy. It felt as if they would drag me under with their weight and that was something I did not want. I did not want to be consumed by my secret, I just wanted to relish in his love. To be in his embrace. To feel him, always.
For a moment I wondered if this was how the others felt. I mean before they got caught. The other students that were sleeping around with their teachers? I wondered if they felt the yearn, the constant need to be around their lover because they understood you when the others didn’t. I wondered if they knew of the risks they were taking. Of what would possibly happen if they were to get caught. I did. And now they did too. I wondered yesterday while talking with Devin if it would be easier to just tell him and get it over with.
Or possibly to just tell him that I couldn’t see him anymore. This way when I left he wouldn’t feel anything towards me. I wouldn’t be able to say the same thing for him, though. I would still be thinking of him, still be in love with him.
And just like that my good mood was replaced with a darker one. One that I promised myself wouldn’t last. I wouldn’t let it last and I wouldn’t let it spread to Devin. I’d keep my feelings under control so I wouldn’t upset his. I could do that until I left. And that is what I strived to do.
I left that morning portraying a happy go lucky teenage girl but once my second class came around the one person that knew me the most confronted me.
“What’s up with you, girl?” She asked quieter than she normally was.
I gave her the best smile I could manage. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”
The look she gave me told me she knew I was lying. “You know I know you better than that. You can’t lie to me Layla. I’m your sister from another mister. So I know your tells and girl, your tells have been screaming for the last few weeks. What’s up?”
I guess I wasn’t holding everything in as well as I thought I was. But there was no way I was telling Marina anything. I loved her and yes, she was like my sister but the girl had a bigger mouth than the town crier. If I thought she was going to be able to keep my secret, not about me seeing Devin, but about me moving, I was crazy. But to be honest that’s what I felt like these days. A crazy teenage girl that was on the brink of blurting something out. So maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to tell Marina. She had been keeping my secrets since I arrived here, what would be the difference?
“Bathroom,” I whispered her way. “Ten minutes.”
It would take me that long just to muster up the courage to tell my best friend I was leaving in a few months. A little less than four to be exact.
I asked for the restroom pass and, once granted it, left the room to go think.
Marina had waited the ten minutes I had asked for but that time didn’t give me the strength to compose myself. I heard when she walked through the doors and when I turned it was all I could do not to break down right there. I held back my sobs but a few tears did run down my cheeks.
“Oh, god.” Marina breathed. “You’re pregnant.”
“No,” I gasped. “What would make you think that?”
“Well, not to sound mean, love, but you’ve gained a bit of a gut. Not enough for many to notice but I did. And you’ve been a bit…moody.”
“I’m on birth control, Marina. The shot adds a bit of weight that’s hard to work off.”
I felt a bit offended that she thought I was becoming a fat bitch, but knew she was only looking out for me. Just like my father was when he decided a few years ago that it was time I was on some type of control. There were just too many creepers and God forbid something happen and I get pregnant.
“But if that’s not why you’re crying then what is?”
I sighed, turning away from her. She could still see my reflection in the mirror but it did make me feel a bit more stable.
“I’m moving.”
When she didn’t say anything I looked up at her reflection through the mirror over the sink I was standing at.
She seemed to be confused about something.
“When?”
She knew it had to been soon if I was crying about it.
“In January.”
“But that’s so soon.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“But-”
“I know, ‘Rina. I know. But there’s not much I can do about the situation. My father has already made his decision.”
“And Becca is going along with it?”
“That’s what I was hoping for!” I squealed. “I was hoping she’d be all hell no, and he would listen to her and we wouldn’t move. But she even went as far as wanting a divorce, Marina. A divorce, okay? She doesn’t want this move anymore than I do which is why he pushed it back.”
“So you can finish out the semester.” She mumbled.
I nodded. “I don’t want to leave.”
“I understand. You’ve got me, and Jack-oh god-have you told Jack yet?”
I shook my head. “And neither can you. You cannot tell anyone about this yet. I don’t want to upset anyone and I sure as hell don’t want D-Jack finding out from someone else. That wouldn’t be good.”
She nodded. “But-”
“No, no buts. You cannot breathe a word about this to anyone.” She began to whine. “Not anyone. I mean it.”
Her pout told me she wasn’t too happy about this but she agreed to my terms.
“So where are you guys moving?” She asked leaning against the wall.
“We’re going back to Malaysia.”
“Kuala Lumpur?”
“Hell if I know. I haven’t asked that much. Possibly, though. I’m not sure exactly where they’re opening up the new branch at and quite frankly I don’t care. I just don’t want to go.”
She was silent for a moment then finally asked, “So…when are you going to tell Jack?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Not until…”
“I know what you’re thinking, Layla. You have to tell him now. You can’t tell him when you’re certain you’re leaving because it sounds like to me your father has made up his mind.”
“Nothing is ever set in stone, Marina. I’m not telling him. Not yet.”
She looked at me skeptically but nodded.
We left the bathroom then and headed back to class. Once there we handed over the passes and took our seats. Marina’s face still looked a bit worried but once I nudged her, she changed her frown to a smile.
The day passed by quickly after second period and soon I found myself heading to the field to watch Jack practice. When I left Devin he wasn’t too thrilled about it but there was really nothing I could say to sooth him in that situation. I needed to keep seeing Jack. It wasn’t that I was in love with him, because I had already had it set in my mind that I was in love with Devin. It was the fact that I didn’t want to hurt Jack. He really liked me and I…I knew that all he saw was Jack’s hard exterior when I knew for a fact there was a softer side to him.
No one knew the side of Jack that I knew. Around people he was the jock, but when we were alone he was…sensitive. He was sweet and caring. Devin didn’t get to see the side of him that I knew was there which was why he couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t just break up with him and get it over with.
I stayed and watched Jack practice for about an hour then made up an excuse to leave. This was the only time that Jack and I got to spend together and we weren’t really even together during that time. The time I was sitting there just watching him tackle, run and catch could have been spent with Devin.
So that’s where I went. I had been texting him since I had reached the field. Or rather he had been texting me. He wanted to know little things like if I was okay sitting at the bleachers by myself and if I was going to come by later so we could hang out. I liked how he was always concerned with if I was alright even after I had left him to go see Jack.
When I reached the boat, Devin was waiting and he helped me climb aboard. He pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me once I sat my bag on one of the long seats. When I pulled away from him he asked if anything was wrong.
“Why would anything be wrong?” I tried my best to smile without giving my true feelings away.
To be honest I was beginning to wonder if I should just tell Devin I was moving and get it over with. I wasn’t even really sure how he felt about me anyway. Maybe I was only seeing Devin’s soft side just like he was only seeing Jack’s rough. I didn’t want to tell him because I thought he wouldn’t be able to handle it. I wasn’t exactly sure what I thought he would do but I knew I wasn’t going to be able to handle it. So maybe I was keeping this secret to protect myself.
Whatever the reason, Devin saw that something was on my mind and decided to kiss me to brush those thoughts away.
“You need to relax or you are going to get worry lines on your forehead just like your father,” he said after pulling back.
That was something I didn’t need at the moment. I certainly didn’t need for him to talking about my father.
When I wouldn’t look at him he cupped my face with his hands and told me, “You’re my Bungah kubur.”
I stared at him then asked, “I’m your Graveyard Flower?”
He knitted his eyebrows. “What? No…I meant you’re my beautiful flower. Sorry my Malay isn’t very good.
I laughed and nodded.
“At least I’m trying,” he frowned.
I kissed his lips. It was more than others would have gone through. He was actually trying to learn my language.
“Thank you.” I told him.
I didn’t really know what I was thanking him for. Caring enough to try to learn my language or bringing my thoughts