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lonely and sad.


****


Waking up groggy I rub my eyes and stare at the green numbers blinking on my clock.
11 in the morning. Who’s knocking my firkin door at 11 in the frinking morning?
Opening my door I notice no one’s home and stomp downstairs.
I open the door. And guess who standing at my door?
…No seriously guess it hilarious.
If you said mia? You were fuking correct.
Mia highlander. Standing at my doorstep at 11:08 in the funking morning. On a Sunday.
“Before you yell at me remember we have a project we have to go buy stuff and I don’t want to be here anymore than you want me here. So let’s get started.” She pushes past me her, the scent of lilacs hit me and I stand there for a moment puzzled.
Oh right. Mrs. Garcia.
Rubbing my head I follow her to my kitchen.
“Well don’t just stand there go get dressed. U look like a hobo. We need to go out.”
Did she call me a hobo? Out? Im so confused. I shake my head as I run back upstairs and shower.
Slipping on a sweatshirt I grab my keys and wallet.
Let’s get this over with. Running downstairs I find her sitting on one of the breakfast bar stools swinging around her black hair flinging around. she stops when she hears me and straightens herself.
“What?” she asks. She rolls her eyes. “Let’s just go”


She went up and down the aisle grabbing boxes and bottles. I watch and walk with the car. The metal rumbling and the wheels making a sticky sound.
I couldn’t help but keep staring at her.
At how she laughed at things I said or smiled knowingly at something she just found.
Or how when she can’t reach something she goes on tiptoes and pouts her lower lip.
Or how when I pick out junk food she just shakes her head and keeps walking. Her short figure bobbing through the crowds.
or how everytinme she passes me the smell of lilacs hits me.
There it is again. I look back and see her reaching for a small container. Her hand is stretched outward and a strip of stomacke is showing as her shirt rides up. I stare at the pale skin and realize she was now in front of me.
“Kyle!” she waves her hand in front of my face and giggles as I grin and blush.
The fuck. Why am I thinking about mia highlander that way? What am I doing?
I try to distract myself with other things as we payed and brought the bags out to the car.
We didn’t speak and when the song lost in you by three days grace comes on we both reach over to turn it up.
“Oh sorry, it’s your car, your radio” she says her pale face blushing. She lets her hand fall away and looks back out the window.
She entwines her hands together.
“Uh no it good. I mean freedom of music right, ha ha um yeah.” I all but shout.
Nice Kyle. Smooth real smooth.
Inwardly sighing I pull inot my driveway and help her with the bags.
I stare at the clock as she organizes the things we got on my counter.
“Okay so were making the brownies first. “ she declares and stares at me.
“why brownies don’t I have a say? I wanted cupcakes.” I say teasing her. She laughs. “And why would I care, I want brownies.” Her hands are placed on her hips her eyebrow raised. I laugh and then laugh again at her face
It’s been a while since I laughed.

***


I was sitting on the counter chewing a piece of crust while Kyle tried to make the brownies cook faster.
“You know staring at them won’t make them grow faster.” I say smirking when he looks at me his black hair flopping on his face. I hop down the counter and place my dish in the sink. “so we are going to do a PowerPoint.” I declare.
“Again, I have an opinion you know” he says and I laugh.
“Again do I care?” I ask turning around and stepping back, my back hit the counter.
He was too close.
“You have flour underneath your eye.” He says and with his thumb he rubs the spot.
“Kyle?” my voice sounds high pitched and he smiles
“yes mia?”
I swallow. “ I think you should-“ my phone starts ringing and I push him away rushing to my phone.
Cursing I check the contact on my phone. Not looking at kyle I turn my back on him and press the green button. “Im on my way.” I say my voice coming out whispered and urgent.

***

Grabbing my bag I slip my jacket over my head and turn the oven off. Grabbing my keys I run after mia who bolted after answering her phone.
“Mia!” she is standing by my door. “ I need a ride somewhere.” Her eyes are urgent and I nod beeping my door open.
“so were we going?” I ask starting the car.
She looks out the window her lips trembling. “Greenwood hospital.”


***

I am sitting by mom her hand clutched in mine and Kyle fudging reinfeild is outside the door refusing to leave until everything was okay.
Great.
“mom?” I ask as she blinks several times.
“mia?” her voice is weak and I swallow back tears.
“it’s going to be okay mom. Your fine.”
My inner demon smirks. Liar.


****
“my god mia. Im sorry.” I stare at her tiny body and see her tired eyes.
I wish I knew.
“its okay really. I guess we’ll just have to finish that project like tomorrow. But I have to go. Go home and thanks for the ride.” She attempts a smile and backs away.
“wait who will take you home?” I ask. She shrugs. “ I can call a cab.” Her voice sounds tired. She walks back into her mom’s room and I sigh. Rubbing my eyes I sit back down.


When mom falls asleep and the doctor advises me to come back home and to pick her up tomorrow I give in to exhaustion and gather my bag.
I stand by the window a couple minutes and call annalise. “Annalise this is mia just calling to tell you mom is fine if you even care. Anyway call me back.” Her voice mail dings and hangs up on me.
Walking out of the room I walk down the stairs and out the front doors. Theres snow falling. I pull out my phone to call a taxi when I see Kyle’s car in front of me. The passenger door open.
“Need a ride?” his voice tired.
I roll my eyes and get in.


***


The silence was comfortable, the hum of the heater and the low background music filling the silence. She kept playing with a ring on her finger. Twirling it around and around over and over.
Instead of driving her to her house I go back to mine and she sits in the car hesitantly. “Why are we here?” Her voice quivers and I shrug. “We have a project to do.”
I get out of the car and I open my door and look back at her.
She stayed for a second but then unbuckled her seatbelt and ran up the steps and pass me into the kitchen.
Inhaling the lilacs I close the door.


I take out the last batch of brownie and put them on the counter next to the other ones. I put everything into the dishwasher and wipe everything down.
It quiet. Too quiet.
I walk into the den to see mia sitting with her laptop. She was asleep, her face calm.
The laptop light highlighting her sweet face and I smile.
I walk over to her and put the laptop on the table and hold back laughter when she sighs and slumps back her hair covering her face. I pick her up her small body and walk upstairs.
She mumbled things in her sleep and I tried hard not to laugh. As I start to place her on the bed she grabs on to my shirt and her face looks stricken for a moment before she relaxed and slumped onto my pillow but she keeps a grip on my hand. Looking around I finally decide to sit on the bed and pull her head onto my lap, her hand still griped in mine. “Stay with me don’t leave me here alone.” She mutters.
Well I can just sit here for a few minutes. Right?

***


I open my eyes rubbing them I sit up. Looking around I find myself in a blue room books and trophies scattered throughout the room.
Where the hell am I? I untangle myself from the light blue comforter and then I remember.
Everything washes up on me.
Oh god.
Standing up I find my shoes and slip them on and run downstairs.
Kyle was standing on the bottom of the stairs a cup of orange juice in his hand.
“Morning sleepy head! I would expect you to wake up later but I guess you’re just a morning person but me! No not me usually-“he keeps rambling as I kept walking down the sitars. I push past him.
“Whoa where you going?” he says following me into the den were I looked for my bag.
“Home”


****


“Home?” I repeat. “Its 8 in the morning you can’t just go home. Plus your mom is coming home today let me at least give you guys a ride I feel bad.”
She whirls around almost bumping into me. “I don’t need your pity. So you can stop feeling bad.” She has tears in her eyes and stomps past me with her stuff. “ill be back tomorrow or whenever after school to finish the project.” She flings the door open and steps out onto the snow. Her black hair contrasting against the white snow.
I don’t go after her.


***

“Its okay mom. I’ll be a block away. Call me if you need anything. Dad will be home in like half hour so if you need anything I have my cell. Okay?”
She rolls her eyes and pats my hand gently. “ my little angel. Go. Go have fun Ill be fine.” Her voice lowers as she closes her eyes. A couple seconds later light snoring fills the empty silence. I close the door lightly after me and walk over the block to kyles house and knocked. The snow was falling lightly and I was freezing.
He opens the door and I catch his scent. He smells like outside.
Like the trees and the river by my house. I shake my head at the thought. i push past him and into the kitchen.
Let’s get this over with.


****
She marches into my kitchen and I follow. I set everything up in the kitchen, waiting for her to come and make all theses ingredients into something.
Something amazing.
She takes a picture of all the stuff and puts her stuff on the counter.
She looks sad. And tired.
But mostly sad.
I sigh as she starts preparing everything. Letting me help with the east stuff, while I take pictures. We didn’t talk. Except when she told me to do something.
We worked fast and efficiently. Getting everything done and cleaned by night fall. I could hear my stomacke rumbling as I watched her type on her laptop our presentation.
She had deep dark circles under her eyes and she kept yawning.
“Kyle?” her voice distracts me from my thinking.
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