Arranged Marriage of the darkest kind, satinangel [reading books for 6 year olds .txt] 📗

her past? To know that almost everything about you is a mystery to me. Or the fact that whatever reasons Dad decided to abandon us is still a mystery to me. My life is wrapped in a mystery I sometimes feel like maybe I'm just so mysterious that no one will bother to get to know me. That I'm just some freak who somehow deserves all this clouded secrets in my life" Her face was an image of shock for a few moments, never having heard me speak of down right straight about my opinions of her secret keeping.

But it was soon replaced with a look of... Remorse? is it? it was never a look I saw on her face. Pain, yes. Sadness. Yes. Anger. hell yes but never remorse, never pity but that was indeed what was weaved into the orbs that looked back at me now tear filled.

"Ohh Jen. You've never said that to me before. I'm sorry--" She was sorry? why the hell couldn't she just tell me, how bad could it be? "I never meant to hurt my little girl. I was only trying to protect you... everything was so uncertain, you're father he feared for our lives. He feared for his girls lives, he was always the protector always doing whatever he had to to make us safe. But then something so unexpected and dreadful happened and your father had to go. He couldn't stay. He just couldn't risk it with the news he'd found he needed to be where ever he was" I shook my head at her, making her stop

"Who?? Who Mum? You talking about him running off to follow some guy because it was important. worth him leaving us?" She shook her head

"Not just leaving us but protecting all his friends and thoses of our community. He had to do so. It was his duty--" I hissed at her

"His duty? His duty was to love you till death do you part and be the father he never was to me. Not abandon me and leave me to think he didn't care or love me" Mum grabbed my shoulders
"Oh honey you can't really think? If there is no thing you should NEVER question is how much he loves you Jen--" She seemed to want to continue but then she bite her lip, a deep thoughtful expression on her face. Seemingly deciding seconds late she smiled at me.
"Here come with me to the living room. I have something I want you to see" I followed her barely noticing that I was already twenty minutes late for school.
So he did care?

'Dear Jen

I've been told you don't like being called 'Jens or Jenny' much any more so I'll call you by what you prefer. How is my little girl? and what did it feel like finally turning 14 sweetheart? Rosie tells me that you got that new phone you wanted. I'm so pleased that you had a good day.

I remembered that day you turned 9 still in your cast after your broken your arm, Do you remember honey? The way you still stubbornly wanted to go to that adventure park with all your friends from school. Of course I caved straight away I could never resist your puppy dog look especially when I got that special handshake and kiss from my baby girl. I could never resist you and your cuteness.

Now for the more serious stuff. sorry to ruin the mood. I'm sorry if you hate me. I'm sorry if you're still sitting at the bottom of the stairs wanted me to carry you to bed like I use to do. I'm sorry for missing your birthday. I'm sorry for not being able to do anything other than send these letters and hope you can understand that what I am doing is for you sweetheart but dispite the confusion you're feeling as to why I am not there kissing you and singing you to sleep every night that this is to keep all those I love safe.

When the time comes, all those little comments you've been hearing about 'him' will make sense. All the odd/off things about your mother and me will make sense. You'll get to that moment, hopefully after you're married you will understand and I hope with that you will forgive me for abandoning you with nothing not even such a word as goodbye. Now you must make your poor old Dad a promise. Even if you hate me please listen to your mother. Do everything she askes and please don't get too frustrated with her and her strange way of keeping secrets. It was one of the many things I fell in love with about her.

I'll continue sending these letters ever month like promises. Happy Birthday Sweetheart. You're always in my heart and thoughts
love your very loving Dad'

I must have spent most of the morning reading letters similar to this one, all with a date written on them, going through the last 4 years month by month as promised. There was a few that had 'AFTER' written in deep blood red ink on the page and Mum said that I couldn't read them until I understand why he'd gone away. I could barely find myself caring about those few letters that I couldn't read. I had over 30 letters, always explaining Dad's day (though vague) and he always spoke of how much regret he had for not saying goodbye, for leaving in the first place but that he felt this was more important than his own wishes.

Something inside my heart fixed together, something inside me sparked with fansination, of love for the man who I had even given up all hope of ever seeing again. That little piece of hope in my heart that I kept locked up seem to flood the gates and take over me. I knew I had this bright smile spread on my face as I read and re-read the letters carefully. I barely took note of Mum phoning school to tell them we had a family emergeny and that I wouldn't be in for the day or her get up to make tea or lunch.

Mum had sat by my side the whole time, smiling at me and even took to reading some of the words herself and spilling possibly more tears than even I did. But one thing I realised do suddenly even though it was clearly seen in all the letters
"He did love me" Mum laughs lightly at the whispered words as she rubs my back
"Of course he did honey, he never stop"

Even if the mystery was still infurating for me. I could take comfort in the fact that not only that Dad was alive and well but that he was still thinking of me and that he was doing something so selfless that he was giving up what he wanted most and I couldn't help but wish to be more like him. Hardly remembering the reason this whole thing started, as to how we got to these wonderful letter. Finally remembering my thoughts turned back to What was it that Mum wanted to tell me?

Friends of Mystery

There are moments so surreal in reality that hearing it a thousand times will never quiet let it sink in. Was I confused? yes. Was I angry? Yes. Was I upset? Of course. But one thing took hold me more than that.

Fear. Why was it when Mum had set the dinner plates away (take-away) and I was getting to the point of asking he directly what it was she wanted to tell me. She sat me down on the sofa and started with a sentence even more confusing than the man Dad was 'following'.
"Jen. I want you to meet a friend of mines son. They're arriving in a few moments and we were going to go down to the local pub. Is that okay?" When she said 'friend'? who excatly did she mean.

I'd met all of Mum's friends and their children, Mum took pride in knowing almost everyone in a 2 mile radious of this house. She took pride in knowing everyone's business and for the most part people just saw her (And me) as friendly neighbours but a couple of people just couldn't understand why Mum wanted to know them and even I wasn't sure as to why she bothered knowing and understand everyone's buisness in this neighbourhood. Pub's just weren't Mum's thing, I know that picture in that album I found had her in a pub with those 3 other men but shes never been a drinker other than a glass of Red wine every so often when she was down about Dad or my lastest injury or venture.

"Is it one of those friends from that picture upstairs?" I had barely spoken it but she starred at me with such shock I thought she might explode.

"Y-You've seen the p-pictures? Why were you going down my wardrobe?" I shrugged at her
"I dunno, one of my many attempts to get to know you" She sighed to herself running her hand through her long blonde hair.

"Jen. There is an important reason as to why they're coming over tonight of all nights and it is something to do with that look I was giving you this morning" I took a deep breath and nodded at her to continue but she shook her head.

"No you'll wait till they get here and we're out and then you can't make a scene in a public place" There was a ring at the doorbell and Mum rushed up to get it but not before giving me a wary look of warning to not be too rude. I was too tired to be angry the mixture of tears and healing bruises hiding behind my full fringe.

I stood up and stepped into the hall to see the two very same Men in the picture looking excatly the same. The older man with that proud smile now smiling and huggin Mum like she hadn't seen her in years and