Love B(l)ends, Kalaiselvi Arivalagan [ebook reader online .txt] 📗

silently and the society looked at her with a scorn for she did not get pregnant within a year of marriage.  The society has been broadminded enough to accept the ways of new technology that helped the women to enjoy the bliss of women. 

 

Kayal sat down to eat her lunch at a corner in the dining hall.  She always came down to lunch after two pm. Kayal preferred to eat her lunch alone. Half-way through her lunch, she suddenly remembered whatever that happened the day before.   She could understand the circumstances that helped her develop a new relationship.

 

Knowingly or unknowingly she started to relish on the growing bond between her and Kathir. Kathir had touched the unknown realms of her heart that yearned desperately for a patient listener who would allocate sometime for her. Sidharth did not respond to her at times of her need and she started to feel lonely at home.  The loving home turned into a place where they stayed together and spent their time together.

 

“Hi, May I join you?” Cindy stood with her usual cheerful smile.

 

“Sure.  Where have you been all these days?” Kayal moved to give way for her to sit near.

“I have been to my mom’s place.” Cindy opened her lunch pack and served her a few spoons.

 

“Oh. Anything special!” 

 

“Nothing special.  But I have something to share with you.”

 

Cindy started to narrate her ordeal of going through umpteen number of tests to rule out her fertility and how her husband insisted her to go to her mom and get cleared of all blocks.

 

“It is such a painful thing than getting f….” Cindy’s expression turned wild.

 

Who made the rule here that only women are destined to go through all the pain.  When a women is ready to go to the extreme level to get pregnant in the name of getting a baby, why god has not made things easier for her.  The society blamed the women for not getting a child and it protected men by not disclosing their unwillingness or accept they are the reason for that.  Fertility and infertile were the two words that zoomed into a peaceful married life and dragged each other to an extreme end extending the limit of pain at every level.

 

 “Better to be like this. Don’t waste money and don’t get into this painful business.  I think it is enough for me. I would not mind to walk away from my family if they insisted me to go through this hell once again.” Kayal listened to Cindy with her eyes wide.  

 

Am I a limerant?

Kayal could hear the warm breathing of Kathir.  She didn’t know how to react to his sudden nearness.  Should she respond or stay away from him?  She could not decide.  Yet, she could feel the emotional swing between their hearts.  Somewhere deep in his heart he was hurt just like her.  Their hearts relied on each other and wanted to enjoy the new glow of love that simultaneously warmed their forlorn souls.

 

The traffic moved slowly stretching the time Kayal wished to spend with Kathir.  She desperately wished to open her heart and share the heavy thoughts that burdened her little heart.  Yet, she hesitated contemplating how he may take it.

 

The traffic came to a halt at the signal.  Kathir parked the car for a few minutes.  As it was raining, the heavy rush of traffic deterred the free flow. The precious time seemed to be god send. Words rolled under her tongue but her lips refused to open and air her thoughts.

 

“Do you want to share something with me”?  Kathir questioned without looking at her.

 

Kayal did not respond immediately to his question.

 

“If you don’t want to share, no need.” 

 

“It is not like that.  I desperately want to talk to you about this and get a solution.”

 

“Then, speak out. Unless you tell your problem, no one can help you.” Kathir’s words made sense to her.

 

“If you think I may help you, tell me how I can help you.” Kathir once again asked her.

 

“My husband wants me to go for artificial insemination.” Kayal replied in a softer tone.

 

“Good. This is not something new that is happening. He is correct.” Kathir answered.

 

“But I don’t want to go for it.  It may have side effects.”  Kayal reflected.

 

“There is nothing wrong in giving it a try.” Kathir replied.

 

“I want it to be done naturally, not with medicines.” Kayal answered.

 

Kathir could not understand at the first instance what she was telling him.

 

“I don’t understand.”  The red signal turned green and Kathir started the car.

 

“I want you to help me.” Words failed to be audible.

 

“What!” Kathir looked shocked.

 

“Ay, Come out of that trance.” Someone shook her.  Kayal woke up from her temporary trance.

 

Kayal’s friend Chitra frowned at her. “Kayal, what is happening. Are you day dreaming?”

 

“No.” Kayal looked around.  She was not in a car beside Kathir.  She was on her way to her office in a bus.  The morning crowed squeezed in to get a place to travel for work.

 

Kayal sat numb for a while.  She could not share this dream with Chitra.  But when she saw Kathir at the steering wheel, she started to perspire badly.  She could not relate to her day dream.  Whatever she was thinking may or may not come true, yet she could not easily get away from the shocking impact it had on her. 

 

 From the day she met Kathir, Kayal frequently drifted into a self-analyzing situation that made her feel depressed at heart.

 

The term ‘limerance’ now made sense to her. 

 

Limerance: An involuntary state of mind which seems to result from a romantic attraction for another person combined with an overwhelming, obsessive need to have one's feelings reciprocated.

 

You can't help limerence; it just happens to you, and the first time is very unexpected because more often than not, you don't know what is happening to you, so you imagine it as love. Limerence is love's unhealthy cousin, a child of desire, and a sibling to obsession and addiction. People who have been limerent multiple times can usually tell if another bout of limerence for a different person is coming on. The symptoms, on average, remain constant.

 

An example to explain what limerence means.

 

You develop a crush on someone. You find that when you think of them, you get those "butterflies" in your stomach and then become happy by the thought of them. Over and over in your head, you think about what makes them so attractive, so great, not really paying attention to their negative personality traits. Suddenly, instead of thinking about them just a few times per day, that number increases to a couple times every hour, every 30 minutes, and so on. Eventually, the thoughts (and fantasies) become habit because you like the feeling it gives you. You enjoy picturing the two of you together, and he/she reciprocating your feelings. Soon, you find that if you're crush/limerent object (abbreviated "LO") doesn't interact with you, you become in a despaired mood. However, when they do interact with you, you feel like you're floating in the clouds. Why don't you tell them how you feel? One, you're uncertain of their romantic feelings towards you/afraid of rejection. Two, because you're afraid of what they'll think of you after you do or what they might say.

 

A blessing

“Are you in limerence?” Kayal updated her status message in the messenger.

 

“Hoi, what’s up?” Cindy queried immediately as she entered the chat room.

 

“Nothing” Kayal never replied in one words.

 

“Then, what do you mean by limerence, my dear?”

 

“Limerence is a state of mind. You know that you like someone; but at the same time, it can’t be describe as love. But you would be crazy about this person and to the world you would proclaim this form of affection as a crush.”

 

“Uh…ur definition…” Cindy sneered at her.

 

“This limerence is a dangerous feeling.  I can’t just explain it.  The intense of limerence may be more or less.  I am affected by a potential limerent medium.” Kayal sighed.

 

“OMG!!! What’s happening?”  Cindy jerked away from the chair and came hopping toward Kayal.

 

“Are you blabbering?” Cindy frowned.

 

“Do you want to join me in my world of fantasy?” Kayal smiled at Cindy.

 

“No way.  If I happen to see that guy today, I will slap him.” Cindy threatened.

 

“Hmm. How I wished to introduce him to you! But not lucky till now.”  Kayal smirked.

 

“Let it be like that. Otherwise I would have chopped him into pieces.”  Cindy with a warning moved away from Kayal’s place.

 

**********

 

“Congrats. You are pregnant.”  The lab technician handed over her the report with a smile. 

 

Lit up with a bright smile, Kayal’s face bloomed. She felt dizzy with bountiful happiness.  The sudden excitement made her hands and legs trembled with a shiver.  Within seconds, perspiration filled her forehead.

Clutching the report with her trembling hands, she slumped on the chair.

 

The attendant at the lab rushed to her side with a glass of water.  Kayal sipped the water slowly.  It took nearly ten minutes to accept the good news and feel blessed.

 

“How I wished he was with me now?” Kayal could not avoid this thought. Sidharth definitely would hurt her with some stupid remarks. Kayal called Cindy to share the news. 

 

“Great!” Cindy screamed over the phone. “I love you Kayal.  I would just like to see you now. Where are you?”  Cindy’s jubilant spirit made Kayal also happy. 

 

“I will be there in another one hour.” 

 

“Take off today. Go home and take rest.” Cindy pampered her with loving words.

 

“No issues. I am coming to the office now. Do you mind having a quick treat with your favorite dishes?” Kayal enquired.

 

“Sure.  Don’t rush.  Don’t take an auto. Take the bus.” Kayal wanted to give her a big hug and tell how much she valued their friendship.  

 

********

Kathir deputed at a different route rarely met Kayal.  He could have a glimpse of her whenever she waited for her bus in the bus terminus. 

 

Kayal looked blessingly beautiful with her baby bump.  The radiant glow of motherhood on her face made him feel happy. Whenever he saw her, he resisted his wish to talk to her and ask her how she is feeling now.  

 

Kathir didn’t want to share a secret with Kayal for he didn’t know how she will take it.  The doctor at the hospital used his semen for artificial insemination. Whatever Sidharth gave for the test accidentally went into the drain during the weekly cleanup program at the clinic.  Kathir could not tell no to the doctor when she requested him to donate.