Benign Flame: Saga of Love, BS Murthy [rainbow fish read aloud txt] 📗

demeaning my soul ever since. Don’t I know that you too haven’t failed to notice the pain I experienced in those ungainly brotherly shoes? Now that you’re privy to my predicament, my only hope is that you would be sensitive to my sentiment. You know that I’m only nursing the love you’ve given birth to in my hapless heart. Aren’t you aware that I love you as a woman and adore you as a person?

I believe that my sense of dignity demands of me to disclose my love to you. What do I seek in return from you for my devotion to your person? I only beg for your indulgence in letting me love you till my last breath. Since it’s in your knowing now, how I see my love acquiring a new meaning. If only you let me love you, I’ll feel rewarded no end for that. Were you to pity my wretched soul, I would feel vindicated as well? Either way, now I am at your mercy, and I know your nobility wouldn’t belittle my love and betray my secret. But were you to give away my sentiment to any to make a mockery of it, my blood would be on your hands. Why, cursing your insensitivity, my restless soul would suffer eternally in the heaven living like in the hell.

Dying for your understanding,

ever yours in devotion, I remain,

Yours aspiringly,

Prasad, the hopeful.’

‘Haven’t I known that he’s lusting for me? Isn’t he trying to win my heart now by couching his lust with the sentiment of love?’ thought Roopa, as though in hindsight.

However, on second thoughts, as his passion for her seemed to reinforce her own draw, she wasn’t displeased with his disclosure. Besides, the feeling of being loved by him seemed to please her vanity as well.

‘Why, won’t it feel nice to be loved, to be wanted,’ she thought with a feeling of satisfaction. ‘In a way, I too like him, don’t I? But it’s not the way for him to have his way. Don’t I understand how miserable it could be for him? Can’t I see his plight in the light of my own pain? Oh, it must be really hard on him, the poor fellow. But how can it be helped?’

‘But, I can’t be expected to soothe every man who craves for my body, could I?’ she analyzed her predicament. ‘Maybe, I should’ve welcomed him, if only I’m not myself in love. Seems misplaced love is wasteful for it serves no purpose, save massaging the ego of the one who is loved. Perhaps, it’s another dirty trick of fate on my life - to keep the love I need hanging in the fire, and throwing in my lap the passion that doesn’t help.’

Perceiving herself in the same boat with Prasad, she was overcome with pity for him.

‘Am I not guilty in abetting his love with my flirtation, maybe unwittingly?’ she thought about her own contribution to his woes. ‘Could be, but how have I failed to notice his suffering, when he’s supposed to be in such a turmoil. Is he not play-acting love to worm his way into my heart? Isn’t it strange that the emotions of love and the afflictions of lust are look-alike, bewildering women from discerning the lover from a seducer; and unfortunately for them the language of love and the dialect of lust have a common alphabet causing this confusion.’

‘Why not I test him to know his true character?’ it occurred to her at length. ‘If he were trying to pull a fast one on me, won’t he get his just deserts then? But what if he were genuinely in love with me? That would only compound his misery without me rewarding him in the end. Won’t that make it all so unfair for him? It is as well that he unfolds himself by and by. If his feelings are genuine, won’t I serve him the affection of my love on a platonic platter?’

‘Why all that, why not I nip it in the bud, and be done with him,’ she began to think on second thoughts. ‘Then won’t I need to take Sathyam into confidence for that? Besides embarrassing Prasad, that would hurt Sathyam as well. Moreover, who knows, both of them may put part of the blame on me, and shame me in the process. It’s better that I handle him myself.’

‘Given my own agenda, am I all that innocent?’ it occurred to her in time. ‘Am I not scheming to draw Raja into my life? For all that, I could have been flirting with Prasad as well, by way of a distraction. Whatever, now I’ve to ease out Prasad without alerting Sathyam. Moreover, I must ensure that all this doesn’t scandalize me with Raja. Won’t he shun me forever should he get the wrong message? Oh, why didn’t it occur to me all the while, what a risk I was running without my realizing it?’

It is one of the ironies of woman’s life in that she tends to tango her reflexes with the nuances of male proclivities. It is thus, woman’s true feelings get camouflaged in her lullabies of compliance to let her man sink into the slumber of complacency.

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‘Is Roopa leading me up the garden path without so much as letting me hold her little finger?’ thought Prasad in bewilderment that day. ‘Why, its two months since I wrote that letter with great expectations, didn’t I? Maybe she’s coy, but of what avail is that? Well, she shows a little more interest in me than before, but where is the hint of her intent to grant? Is she a flirt for all that? How am I to know? Oh, women’s god-damn coyness makes it difficult for men to probe their minds; it could be either a shield for their modesty or a shroud of their coquetry. But then, how can any man get to know what it is beforehand? Leaving all that aside, I would have the last laugh only in her conquest, that is all. Sure, I failed to seduce an odd dame on occasion, but didn’t I come out unscathed for the loss of it. Now, as it looks, it’s all so different with Roopa. In trying to seduce her, it’s as if I’m getting seduced, isn’t it? What a role reversal! It looks like that I might fall in love with her, that is, if I’m not in the thick of it already. Well, I should have her before she gets used to the status quo, shouldn’t I?’

‘But what more could be done to lure her into bed?’ he thought in exasperation. ‘Why not I make a decisive pass at her, in a passionate way? But that won’t help as she’s bound to give me the boot. Instead, I should contrive to make her vulnerable to my amorous assaults. But how am I going to bring that about?’

So he took stock of the situation, ‘Roopa has an orderly life with a mediocre husband in constant company. Isn’t that an infallible situation for a philanderer to pull off an amorous coup? I better destabilize her by hitting at her strength. Didn’t the bard aver that women will fall when men are weak? Why doubt the master? So, I’ll try to weaken Sathyam to bring about her fall. Won’t that be a new lesson in the art of seduction? But then, who knows, it could as well drag on to boredom. So be it, if that ensures her eventual fall. Well, even if her figure were to be dented in time, won’t she be worth possessing even well past her prime. Oh, she could be still deadly to have even if she’s left with no more than the remnants of her charms. Why given her sex appeal, won’t she be maddening in bed, at any time in her life? The long and short of Roopa is that she’s an excellent short-term prospect and an enduring long-term asset, the endearing one, is she not?’

‘What about Sathyam?’ thought Prasad, looking for ways to bring about Roopa’s fall? ‘He’s one of those colourless characters, without a conviction to name, and lo, the society labels such as good-natured! While their manner derives its means from the lack of exposure, their signature is not sourced either in a strong character. But it’s these teetotalers that take the cake of goodness in our hypocritical society, don’t they! How stupid is our society that it lives in the shadows of the old values of an ignorant past! Well, it’s another matter that these nice guys, when exposed to the niceties of life would end up chasing the goodies of the world. If only I could let Sathyam have a feel of the marketplace, won’t that make him crave for the good things of life? Then, life willing, would it take long for him to lose his bearings. If only I could induce him to have a drink or two now, won’t Roopa, in time, find him swimming in the ponds of liquor. But to start with, what with his drunken endurance as bonus won’t Roopa the amorous, look the other way at the Bacchus? As and when his fondness for the drink increases, won’t his ardency for her be a thing of the past to her pineful self. That’s when Sathyam would be leaving her craving for an extramarital fling, wouldn’t he? Won’t that be the time for me to get into his shoes to reach her sexless bed? After all, is there any surer way than that to lay her?’

‘It’s still better that I have a second string to my seductive bow, to be doubly sure,’ he thought enthusiastically. ‘Why, can’t I try to wean away Sathyam from Roopa’s charms with whorish support that is? Hadn’t the same master given his ruling that beauty provoketh thieves sooner than gold? Who could seduce Sathyam better than the suave call-girls that abound these days? But Tara, the ace of the pack, is not quite the trump card in this deal. Taken by their seductive ways, won’t Sathyam find Roopa a routine fare, and abstain from her altogether in time? Won’t that make her think in terms of entrusting her fleshy wares to my amorous care? Does she care that’s an illicit fare?’

‘But I must ensure that she won’t get wind of my scheming ways,’ he thought consciously as his excitement began to gallop, ‘and, were she to spot the foul, she’s bound to blow the whistle. As the idea is to give her my shoulder for her to cry over, in no way should she be able to see me with soiled hands and all. Don’t I need a helping hand to carry out my plans? Well, it shouldn’t be difficult, as money these days would fetch hands for any errand. But then, who would foot the bill for all that?’

When Prasad had visualized the magnitude of the money needed for his grandiose project involving wine and women, his spirit was insensibly dampened.

‘Will I be able to siphon off that kind of money without Rani knowing it?’ he thought dispiritedly. ‘And even if I could, it might turn out to be worse, if she gets wind of my spending spree for she might get it all wrong and curtail my freedom in the bargain. Is my plan then a non-starter, after all? Haven’t I reached the dead end even before I have begun? Isn’t there a way out?’

At that, as Prasad racked his brains for a solution, in time, he got a brainwave, as though to fashion her future, Roopa’s destiny made a common cause with him.

‘Why not enable Sathyam to take care of his needs all by himself?’ he thought joyously, ‘Why not I use my contacts to move him into the contracts section on promotion for the contractors to take care of the rest of it? At best, Sathyam may need a little bit of prodding from me and some pushing from some contractor.