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something.

          “Do you need any help, sir?” a voice asked from behind me.  I turned to find a teenage girl about sixteen standing at the front desk.  She had red curly hair and wore a green outfit with a small shiny black name tag pinned over her shoulder.

          “No thank you.  I’m just looking,” I replied.

          “Okay well tell me if you need any assistance,” she said with a small smile rolling out on her face.

          I returned the smile as I watched her turn her attention toward the opened magazine she had been reading.  I sighed and began searching through the books again.  I looked around and slowly started to remember the times I would bring Christy into the same small store.  I closed my eyes as I let a memory play in my mind.

          Christy was so beautiful.  She had blonde hair which fell to her shoulders and always was placed in different styles.  Even after she bought the wigs, I would have done anything for her; my angel.  One day we had walked into the store, she had on a blonde wig which had waves like the ocean tide flowing with curves.  She wore a beautiful blue dress decorated with flowers which had seemed to match her changing blue and green eye colors.  She wore slim but perfectly fitted sandals.  She wasn’t completely curvy but with her small skinny body the curves where visible.  “Come, Louis,” her soft calming voice spoke as she led me down an aisle.

          “I’m coming…. I’m coming,” I repeated with a laugh.

          She finally stopped at a book which sat on an empty shelf all alone.  “This is the book I told you about…. The one that talks about the evil queen who once ruled Europe…. Of course, it is completely fiction but my book club was talking about starting to read it.”

          I smiled as I watched her face light up with joy.  “Well, do you want it?” I asked.

          She looked at me as she bit her lip, afraid of answering the question.

          “Well?”

          She took a deep breath and sighed.  “You don’t have to get it for me.”

          “I don’t mind.”

          “Are you sure?”

          “Yes.”

          She took another deep breath.  She picked up the book and flipped it over and her face grew with worry as she read the back.

          “What is it?”

          “It’s really expensive.”

          “Let me see.”

          She handed me the book and I read the price which to me wasn’t all that bad.  I handed her the book back and smiled.

          “Don’t worry about it…. I’ll buy it.”

          “But---”

          “Christy, I don’t mind.  I want to do this for you…. Think of it as an early birthday present.”

          “Really?”

          I nodded.

          I watched as a smile grew on her face.  “Thank you, Louis.”  She stood on her tiptoes and kissed my cheek.

          “Are you okay, sir?” the young cashier asked as I opened my eyes and realized that I was sitting on the ground.

          I stood up and looked at the teenager.  “I’m fine…. Just having a flashback.”

          “Oh…. Do you want to talk about it?”

          Talk about it?  Why do girls like talking so much? I thought as I sighed.  “No,” I replied, politely.

          “Oh…. Okay.”

          I had to get out of there as soon as possible.

 

          I hurried back to my apartment and closed the front door, locking it.  I didn’t want any guest and I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone.  I needed to be alone; away from the world.  I walked into my room and fell onto the bed.  It was one of those days and it didn’t seem like it would get any worse.  Lord, please help me to get through the rest of today without any more painful memories, I prayed as I sat up on my bed and looked around.  I wasn’t good with letting my feelings out and there was no way that I’d ever let anyone see me in pain.  I felt that if I slipped up the world would see through me and everything that I’d hide from them would come out in the open.  My pain about Christy’s death was number one on my list and I wasn’t ready to give in to them.  I wasn’t ready to move on.  Sam…. I want Sam…. I shook my head as I thought about her; why was she in my thoughts?  I made it clear I didn’t want her in life so why did her name pop into my head?

 

          Time had passed and I was lying on the bed staring up at the ceiling, wondering what was going on with me?  I was too young to have a middle life crisis so I knew that wasn’t it.  The silence filled the room and I decided to play some soft music to help my thoughts.  I climbed out of bed and went through my CDs until I found the classic music.  It was the one CD I would play when my thoughts were plaguing me in my mind.  I opened the case and placed it into my small little radio and pressed play.  I placed the CD on repeat all so I could continue to listen to it even when it was over.

          I walked over and lay back on my bed and slowly closed my eyes as the music filled the room with soft soothing sounds.  This is peaceful.  I sighed as I kept my eyes closed.  I wonder what Sam’s doing right now? I opened my eyes as I shot up on the bed, ticked off at myself.  Don’t let her get in, man.  You must keep pushing her out of your life.  You don’t need her.  Why are you thinking about her?  For some reason, my thoughts weren’t finished.

          I stood up and walked over to the radio, shutting it off and left the room.  Let’s try watching some Television.  I walked into my living room and sat on the couch as I picked up the television remote and flipped through the channels.  Like usual, nothing good was on so I wound up turning it off anyways and again I was in silence.  I can’t go back to work for this week…. I am so damn bored.

          Riiing…. Riiing…. Riiing…. I picked up the phone and answered it.  “Hey, Louis, what’s up?”

          “Bored…. What about you, Thomas?”

          “Nothing much…. Me and the other firemen were going to go fishing…. You want to come?”

          “No…. I’m going to hang around here…. I have a lot on my mind right now.”

          “Oh it’s one of those kinds of days?”

          “Yep,” I replied.

          “Okay well if you change your mind just give us a call and we’ll let you know where we’re at.”

          I nodded even though I knew he couldn’t see me.  “Alright.”

          “Well, I’m going to go ahead and let you go then.”

          “Alright…. Bye.”

          “Bye.”

          I didn’t bother to hang the phone up so I just pressed the off button then fell against the back of the couch as the phone slid out of my hand and onto the couch cushion.  I’m the worse man alive.

 

          At noon I walked into the kitchen and fixed me a sandwich so I could have something in my stomach.  The silence wasn’t so bad; it was the thoughts which had been attracted to the silence which were driving me insane.  Either Christy would be on my mind or some reason Sam would be up there as if her spirit was trying to distract me or something.  Christy I could see but Sam…. Sam…. She wasn’t someone I wanted in my life so why was I thinking about her?  Annie, why did you want me to meet your sister? I thought as I finished spreading mayonnaise on the second slice of bread.

          Knock, knock, knock.

          No one’s home, I thought to myself.

          “Hey, Louis, it’s your landlord…. Look we’re getting the resident together for a party and your more than welcome to join if you want,” the old man’s friendly voice spoke through the door.

          I sighed.

          “Are ya there?”

          I thought about answering the door but I didn’t think it was a good idea.

          “Hello?”

          The man wasn’t going to leave so I decided that I should just be nice and let the man in.  I placed the second slice of bread down the counter and walked over toward the door.  I took a deep breath and opened it with a smile.  “Sorry, Oliver…. I was busy.”

          “Oh that’s not a problem,” the man smiled as he spoke.  “We’re going to have a party and you’re invited to come.”

          “No…. I’m not having a good day….”

          “Oh come on…. It’ll be fun and my cute little granddaughter will be there…. She’s about your age and single too….”

          I kind of pinched the upper part of my nose as I sighed.  “I’m not looking to meet women right now…. I’m sure your granddaughter is lovely and any guy would be lucky to have her but for me right now…. It’s not a good time….”

          Oliver gave me a sympathetic look, which had seemed to be everyone’s favorite thing to do.  “It’s about time you move on…. Christy would understand.”

          Seriously, how many more times will I have to hear those words?  Why does everyone have to talk to me like I don’t have much time left?  “I’ll find someone, Oliver…. But right now the best thing for me to do is have time for myself…. Thanks for the invitation though.”

          Oliver took a deep breath and sighed.  “Alright if that’s how you feel…. Can’t force you to do what you don’t want to do.”

          I nodded as I watched Oliver turn around and walk off.  I closed the door and stood there for a moment.

 

          I looked at the color changing sky as I stared out of the window in my room.  The color was beautiful for the afternoon and the sight was unbelievable to see.  Lord, no man made artwork can compare to how lovely the scenery you have created for us…. It’s simply amazing.

          I decided to walk over to the bed and sit down as I looked around the empty room.  I could hear voices from downstairs which I had figured were from the party Oliver had invited me to but I didn’t have it in me to go stop by even for a moment.  It’s better for me to be alone than to be around all of those people…. Most of them have dates or are married and will try to hook me up with girls…. Most of the women around her are indecent with the way they dress and act around men…. I want a woman who’s modest and keeps herself covered up…. Those are the beautiful women.

          I figured that if I were to find another woman she’d have to be decent.  I wouldn’t care about her past just as long as she wasn’t trampy or someone who only caused trouble purposely…. Meaning she would go out and hit on every man she saw or thought that she’d have to give herself to them because that’s what they wanted.  I shook my head at the thought.  If a girl had to do that for men, then those men were boys instead of men and it didn’t matter their age.  If a man couldn’t treat a girl with respect, then he wasn’t a real man.  That was how I was raised.  My father would let me and my brothers know that if we showed a women disrespect at any age then we weren’t men.  My father was a wise man which was why my mother was always proud of him.

          I probably should have treated Sam better yesterday and just found some way to tell her that I wasn’t looking for a relationship but this

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