Darkness and Daylight, Mary J. Holmes [classic book list .txt] 📗

when Arthur kissed me, or took my hand, or even came in my sight, before the buzz got into my head, it made me so cold and faint and ugly, the way the Yankees mean, knowing he was my husband when I wanted Charlie Hudson. Don’t subject Miggie to this horrid fate. Be generous and give her up to Arthur. He may not deserve her more than you, but she loves him the best and that makes a heap of difference.

“It’s Nina who asks it, Richard; dead Nina not a living one. She is sitting on your knee; her arms are round your neck; her face against yours and you must not tell her no, or she’ll cling to you day and night, night and day; when you are in company and when you are alone. When it is dark and lonely and all but you asleep, she’ll sit upon your pillow and whisper continually, ‘Give Miggie up; give Miggie up,’ or if you don’t, and Miggie’s there beside you, Nina’ll stand between you; a mighty, though invisible shield, and you’ll feel it’s but a mockery, the calling her your wife when her love is given to another.

“Good bye, now, Richard, good bye. My brain begins to buzz, my hand to tremble. The lines all run together, and I am most as blind as you. God bless you, Mr. Richard; bless you any way, but a heap more if you give Miggie up. May be He’ll give you back your sight to pay for Miggie. I should rather have it than a wife who did not love me; and I’ll tease Him till He’ll let me bring it to you some day.

“Good bye, again, good bye.

“NINA ARTHUR BERNARD.”

The night was nearly worn away ere the letter was finished; and Nina’s eyes flashed with unwonted fire as laughing aloud at the Arthur added to her name, she laid it away beneath her pillow and then tried herself to sleep. But this last was impossible, and when the morning broke she was so much worse that the old nurse trembled lest her master should censure her severely for having yielded to her young mistress’s whim. Mild and gentle as he seemed, Arthur could, if necessary, be very stern, and knowing this, old Hannah concluded at last that if Nina did not betray herself she would not, and when Arthur came, expressing his surprise at the change, and asking for its cause, she told glibly “how restless and onquiet Miss Nina done been flirtin’ round till the blood all got in her head and she was dreadful.”

“You should have called me,” Arthur said, sitting down by Nina, whose feverish hands he clasped, while he asked, “Is my little girl’s head very bad this morning?”

Nina merely nodded, for she really was too weak to talk, and Arthur watched her uneasily, wondering why it was that her eyes were fixed so constantly upon the door, as if expecting some one. When breakfast was announced she insisted that both he and Edith should leave her, and, the moment they were gone, she asked for Victor, who came at once, half guessing why he was sent for.

“Under my pillow,” she whispered, as he bent over her, and in an instant the letter, of whose existence neither Arthur nor Edith suspected, was safe in Victor’s pocket.

Nina had accomplished her object, and she became unusually quiet. Richard would get the letter—Richard would do right, she knew, and the conviction brought to her a deep peace, which nothing ever after disturbed. She did not speak of him again, and her last days were thus pleasanter to Edith, who, from the sweet companionship held with her gentle sister, learned in part what Nina Bernard was, ere the darkness of which she had written to Richard crept into her brain. Fair and beautiful as the white pond lily, she faded rapidly, until Arthur carried her no longer to the window, holding her in his arms while she looked out upon the yard and garden where she used to play—but she lay all day upon her bed holding Edith’s hands, and talking to her of that past still so dim and vague to the latter. Marie, too, often joined them, repeating to Edith many incidents of interest connected with both her parents, but speaking most of the queenly Petrea, whom Edith so strongly resembled. Nina, too, remembered her well, and Edith was never weary of hearing her tell of the “beautiful new mamma,” who kissed her so tenderly that night when she first came home, calling her la petite enfant, and placing in her arms a darling little sister, with eyes just like the stars!

Very precious to Edith was the memory of those days, when she watched the dying Nina, who, as death drew near, clung closer and closer to her sister, refusing to let her go.

“I want you with me,” she said, one afternoon, when the late autumn rain was beating against the window-pane, and the clouds hung leaden and dull in the Southern sky. “I want you and Arthur, both, to lead me down to the very edge of the river, and not let go my hands until the big waves wash me away, for Nina’s a wee bit of a girl, and she’ll be afraid to launch out alone upon the rushing stream. I wish you’d go too, Miggie,—go over Jordan with me. Why does God make me go alone?”

“You will not go alone, my darling!” and Edith’s voice was choked with tears as she told the listening Nina of one whose arm would surely hold her up, so that the waters should not overflow.

“It’s the Saviour you mean,” and Nina spoke reverently. “I loved Him years ago before the buzzing came, but I’ve been so bad since then, that I’m afraid that He’ll cast me off. Will He, think? When I tell him I am little Nina Bernard come from Sunnybank, will He say, ‘Go ‘way old crazy Nina, that tore poor Arthur boy’s hair?’”

“No, no, oh, no,” and Edith sobbed impetuously as she essayed to comfort the bewildered girl, whose mind grasped but faintly the realities of eternity.

“And you’ll stand on the bank till I am clear across,” she said, when Edith had ceased speaking, “You and Arthur stand where I can see you if I should look back. And, Miggie, I have a presentiment that Nina’ll go to-night, but I don’t want any body here except you and Arthur. I remember when grandma died the negroes howled so dismally, and they didn’t love her one bit either. They used to make mouths at her, and hide her teeth. But they do love me, and their screeches will get my head all in a twist. I’d rather they wouldn’t know till morning; then when they ask for me Arthur’ll tell them sorry like that Nina’s dead; Nina’s gone into the daylight, and left a world of love to them who have been so kind to her. Don’t let them crowd up around me, or make too much ado. It isn’t worth the while, for I’m of no account, and you’ll be good to them Miggie—good to the poor ignorant blacks. They are your’s after me, and I love them a heap. Don’t let them be sold, will you?”

Here Nina paused, too much exhausted to talk longer, and when about dark Arthur came in, he found her asleep with Edith at her side, while upon her face and about her nose there was a sharp, pitched look he had never seen before. Intuitively, however, he knew that look was the harbinger of death, and when Edith told him what Nina had said, he felt that ere the morning came his broken lily would be gone.

Slowly the evening wore on, and one by one the family retired, leaving Arthur and Edith alone with the pale sleeper whose slumbers ended not until near the midnight hour; silently, sadly, Arthur and Edith watched her, she on one side, he upon the other, neither speaking for the sorrow which lay so heavy at their hearts, She was very beautiful as she lay there so motionless, and Arthur felt his heart clinging more and more to his fair, childish wife, while his conscience smote him cruelly for any wrong he might have done to her. She was going from him now so fast, and as the clock struck twelve the soft blue eyes unclosed and smiled up in his face with an expression which, better than words could do, told that she bore no malice toward him, nothing but trusting faith and confiding love. He had been kind to her, most kind, and she told him so again, for she seemed to know how dear to him such testimonial would be when she was gone.

“The clouds are weeping for Nina,” she said, as she heard the rain still beating against the window. “Will it make the river deeper, think? I hear its roar in the distance. It’s just beginning to heave in sight, and I dread it so much. ‘Twill be lonesome crossing this dismal, rainy night. Oh, Arthur—boy, Arthur—boy, let me stay with you. Can’t you keep me? Can’t you hide me somewhere? you, Miggie? I won’t be in the way. It’s so icy, and the river is so deep. Save me, do!” and she stretched out her hands to Arthur as if imploring him to hold her back from the rushing stream bearing down so fast upon her.

Forcing down his own great grief, Arthur took her in his arms and hugging her fondly to him, sought to comfort her by whispering of the blessed Saviour who would carry her in His bosom beyond the swelling flood, and Nina, as she listened, grew calm and still, while something like the glory of the better land shone upon her face as she repeated after him, “There’ll be no night, no darkness there, no headache, no pain,—nor buzzing either?” she suddenly asked. “Say, will there be any buzzing brains in Heaven?”

Arthur shook his head, and she continued, “That will be so nice, and Dr. Griswold will be so glad when he knows Nina is not crazy. He’s gone before, I reckon, to take care of me,—gone where there’s nothing but daylight, glorious, grand; kiss me again, Arthur boy. ‘Tis sweet to die upon your bosom with Miggie standing near, and when you both are happy in each other’s love, don’t quite forget little Nina,—Nina out under the flowers, will you? She’s done a heap of naughtiness, I know; but she’s sorry, Arthur, she is so sorry that she ever bit your arm or tore your hair! Poor hair! Pretty brown hair! Bad Nina made the white threads come,” and her childish hands caressed the thick brown locks mingling with her sunny curls, as Arthur bent over her, answering only with his tears, which fell in torrents.

“Don’t, darling, don’t,” he said, at last. “The bad has all been on my side, and I would that you should once more say I am forgiven.”

Nina gazed wonderingly at him a moment, then made a motion that he should lay her back upon the pillow.

“Now put your head down here, right on my neck—so.”

He complied with her request, and placing both her bands upon the bowed head of the young man, Nina whispered,

“May the Good Shepherd, whose lamb Nina hopes to be, keep my Arthur boy, and bless him a hundred fold for all he’s been to me, and if he has wronged me, which I don’t believe, but if he has, will God please forgive him as fully, as freely as Nina does—the best Arthur boy that ever lived. I’ll tell God all about it, and how I pestered you, and how good you were, my Arthur boy—Nina’s Arthur first and Miggie’s after