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and get some rest. I have enough things to think about then adding to scrabble. I turned and looked at her as she patted Brady’s back when he laid down a word that over lapped a triple word score.
“No thanks mom. I’m pretty tired. I think I’m just going to call it a night.” I smiled a reassuring smile.
“Alright, well tomorrow we have plans to go to Rogersville to walk around and spend some time together.” She said turning back to her game.
Sometimes I felt like a small blemish in their eyes. Like, out of all the personalities that I could have developed mine was just a bit more drastic. They wish I were different. Normal, even. As if anyone knew what normal really meant.
Brady was the only one that ever understood. And sometimes, I couldn’t even count on him to help me.
I couldn’t believe what happened tonight. Star seemed so sad but I had no idea how to make her feel better. I didn’t even know the details on what happened.
I leaned out my window and pulled a cigarette out. I listened carefully downstairs to make sure I wasn’t going to get caught and heard an eruption of laughter. They won’t come up here for at least an hour. I lit the smoke up and let it fill my lungs slowly calming me down. Just then I felt a drop of water on my arm. I stared at it in disbelief and looked up into the sky. Sure enough, a thick gray cloud was moving over head. I hurriedly finished my cigarette and flicked it outside just as a steady down pour started. I shut the window and walked over to my bed tired and exhausted from lack of sleep I got the night before and today’s activities.
The next few days went by slowly as the rain didn’t let up. I sat in my room most of the evenings on my computer or reading a book. We never did go to Rogersville or anywhere for that matter except my mother when we were running low on resources. With each passing day I couldn’t help but over analyze everything that’s happened since my arrival. First Star, and then Ramon. I’ve never been with a girl but Star had something interesting about her and you couldn’t deny the electricity in the air when we were together.
Then there’s Ramon. He’s sweet and full or promises of a new fling. The only problem, they’re best friends. How can someone choose between the two? Someone who you feel ecstatic every time you’re around her or a guy who comforts you.
I feel like the summer just started, and it’s full of possibilities. Maybe just once I will enjoy a summer I’ll never forget, or better yet, not remember.
As the rain dragged on and the clouds stayed gloomy I decided to invite Star over for a girl’s movie night. She probably can’t stand staying at home and this way I’ll be able to spend a little time with someone who doesn’t just play scrabble or cook all day long.
“Hey, I am so glad you called.” Star said as she stepped into my room lowering herself down onto my bed.
“I figured you must be as bored as I was. Plus, I brought up my favorite movies with me. We have ‘Dazed and Confused’ or ‘Pretty in Pink.’” I said handing her the movies. She took them into her hand and shuffled them back and forth trying to decide on one when she asked “If you don’t smoke pot then why do you watch stoner movies?” she asked as she handed me Dazed and Confused to put in.
“Dazed and Confused is a classic. They’re not just smoking weed they’re experiencing livelihood and the stuff that ultimately comes with being a teenager. Of course kids are going to ask me to hit a joint, I just say no. Were all allowed to have different personalities if we want.” I said pushing my hair behind my ear.
“I like that.” Was all she said as she leaned back on my bed next to me to watch the beginning credits of one of my favorite movies.
Ten minutes into the movie as we both lie there I couldn’t help but be distracted by how close she was to me. I looked at her through my peripheral vision and saw the outline of her smile. Her lips looked so soft that I wanted nothing more than to bring my own toward her. My heart beat faster as I fantasized about leaning into her and smelling her breath that I was certain tasted sweet. What’s wrong with you I thought She’s a girl! You’re supposed to like guys. But no matter how much my conscience was trying to take over, my heart couldn’t stop wanting her.
As I quietly battled with myself about these mixed feelings I got from Star, thunder struck overhead and made me jump up. Just then all the lights went out including the television.
“Whoa, how close do you think that was?” Star said sitting up in the complete darkness.
“I don’t know, but that can’t be good.” I said jumping up when I found myself stumbling over to the door in the dark. I twisted the knob slowly and peered my head out around the corner. I heard my father and mother downstairs talking loudly about where the emergency safety kit was located. I eased my door shut again and carefully made my way back to my bed. I sat down when I felt Star grab my hand.
“The dark always freaks me out.” She admitted and she squeezed a little. It shot a spark through my body that was hard to control. I looked over at her, thinking maybe she felt something when I saw her leaning towards me finding my lips with her own. Seconds went by, then minutes. Her lips curved on mine and her hand found its way to the nape of my neck. I shivered when her fingers trailed my jaw bone. Euphoria emersed me as I lowered her onto the bed. Stars hands made their way down my sides finding my pants. Her hands were on the buttons when a sense of reality washed over me. I jumped up looking at the door which was still shut. My heart started racing when Star walked over to me a as I put my hands over my face. What am I doing? This isn’t me. This isn’t right. I contemplated in my head. My eyes were wide as I tried to focus on Star standing next to me rubbing my back.
“I’m not sorry.” She whispered as she then added “I know you felt it. There is something going on between us that you can’t deny.” Her breath was labored as I could make out her outline in the dark. So many thoughts and mixed emotions were rushing throughout me. “I know you felt it.” She said as she pulled me into a hug.
I leaned away and walked over to the closet searching through the top shelf where I was sure I kept a candle. As soon as my hands found the familiar waxy cylinder I brought it down and lit it. Almost instantly the room was flooded with a warm glow as thunder and lightning erupted the room with light and sound. I sat down on my bed trying to recollect my thoughts remembering the feeling of her lips touching mine. I haven’t felt like this with another person since my eighth grade boyfriend that I dated for three months. I didn’t understand what I was feeling. It was all so new to me, yet I craved it more than anything.
Star leaned into me and kissed my lips slowly this time. I felt the rush of excitement all over again. I leaned into her chest as we lay in the golden colored light waiting for the storm to let up.
A few hours later the lights and all the power came rushing back on. I woke up to find star underneath me as I propped myself up. I looked over at the bedside clock remembering the power turned off as I dug into my pocket for my phone. I opened it up as it read that the time was two fifteen in the morning. Star stretched and blinked open her eyes looking around when she saw me sitting up.
My eyes were heavy and all I wanted was to sleep as I got up and turned off the DVD player, and the light making my way back into bed. I curled under the covers as Star moved in closer next to me. Within a few minutes I was sleeping.
The sun pounded into the window waking me up. The heat made my arms sweat as I remembered the night before. I rolled over to find Star still curled up in a ball fast asleep.
I got up as my legs stuck together from the heat as I opened the window up. Fresh air came rushing through the room jostling Star. Her eyes slowly started blinking open as she did last night.
“Morning.” I said smiling at her feeling like a whole new person.
“Hey.” She said stretching her arms. “How’d you sleep?” She asked still looking beautiful as if she’s been up for hours.
“It was nice.” I said smiling back at her.
“Good,” she said getting up to cross the room. She came right up to me and held my hand. Her fingers traced their way up to my neck sending a shiver down my spine. It felt nice to be wanted.
She stared into my eyes for a few moments before leaning in and kissing my lips. They were soft and light but still felt like the first time.
“I’ve got to go. Ill shoot you a text later.” She winked at me and walked out of my room and down the stairs.
My heart fluttered as I lay back down on my bed. Everything was complicated yet I didn’t seem to care. She made me feel like no other person has ever been able to do.
I kept replaying every little detail that happened over the course of a couple days. My mind was on over drive just as Brady walked into my room.
“Mom wants us to get ready to go out today.” He said as he came in and sat down on the edge of my bed.
“Okay.” I said not really listening to what he was saying. I just couldn’t help but think about Star’s smile and the way she looked in the sunlight. Her face was everywhere I looked.
“Hello, earth to Myra.” Brady laughed waving his hand in front of my face.
“Huh?” I said looking at him confused.
“I asked you if you and Star had fun last night with the power out and everything.”
My face turned instantly red. Did he see us last night? I thought as my heart started fluttering.
“What’s wrong?” he said looking at me concerned.
I decided he didn’t see us by the concerned look on his face.
“I don’t feel that well.” I said looking down at my feet.
“Oh, well we’re going to Rogersville today.” He said turning around and making his way down the stairs.
My breathing slowed as I stuck my pack of smokes in my pocket. I needed to go for a walk as I walked down the stairs down out to the beach.
I lit the smoke and enjoyed a moment of quiet for the time being. I kept replaying the kiss in my head over and over again. The moment was permanently seared into my brain. I sat there for some time now when I got up and decided to go for a
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