Secret War: Warhammer 40,000, Ben Agar [list of ebook readers .txt] 📗

I stood up straight and, with shaking hands, placed the lho in my mouth and, with my igniter, lit it.

After wiping the sweat off my forehead with an arm, I looked at the cogitator. It was an old battered thing, large and boxy.

I remembered that Enandra had mentioned we could watch Omnartus, and I began to approach it. Then suddenly, the door behind me swished open, and I turned, anger abruptly hitting me, thinking it to the Stormtrooper again.

"Look! I'm..."

I stopped and gaped as I saw it wasn't him.

Karmen Kons stood in the door, her face still bandaged, the psy limiter around her neck. Her bright blue eyes focused on me.

"What do you want?" I said, turning away. "Here to try and justify what you've done again?"

"No," she said, shaking her head. "I just wanted to check up on you."

I had nothing to say; anger blazed through me always, but it wasn't at her; I didn't know what it was about. The universe, I guessed, for making me be in this shitty position.

"You've been training?" Karmen said as she walked further inside. "Good idea, take your mind off it."

I took a sharp inhale of Lho.

"Yeah, I guess," I said and grimaced as tears welled. "We've failed, Karmen. Omnartus is dead, and there's nothing we can do; everyone says that we're going to live on so we can stop this from happening again. But! How can we? If Etuarq can see the future if he can do all this, how can we stand a chance? How?"

"Maybe the God-Emperor..." she started.

"Don't give me that grox shit!" I snarled, making her start. "How do you know that this wasn't the God-Emperor's will? That he wanted this? It is his Astartes, his angels of death doing the deed, isn't it? If it wasn't his will, and if he is truly the god people claim, why hasn't he intervened? Why, Karmen? Why?"

"I...I don't know," she said.

"What's the point, Estella?" I sighed. "If humanity is so frigged that we can do this to ourselves, what's the point in trying to save us? I saved Adelana because she was a good person, but now what's she going to become? Like me? Like you? I'm screwed up; you're screwed up because of humans invading and destroying our country, and don't frigging try to claim it was just because of Chaos. Sure, whatever! But that those flaws exist in the first place for Chaos to exploit says something, doesn't it?"

Estella sighed. "I have no answers for you; humanity is frigged. We've always had arseholes among us, and we're always going to kill each other. Just look at you; you've made a career out of killing, haven't you? And you are going to continue killing people. You are one of those arseholes, Attelus; you know that, right? Many would claim that you are truly evil for what you do."

I glared at her. "I have been told that in no uncertain terms before, on numerous occasions. So why do you think us mercenaries are thought to be the scum of the verse? And I'll admit, it's true we just kill for money, for no true ideal or anything we could be seen as truly evil, easily."

"So, what are you going to do?" she said. "Put a laspistol in your mouth and pull the trigger?"

I didn't say anything, knowing that such a thing would be pointless as Faleaseen would just bring me back and feeling; perhaps, it wouldn't be too bad an idea if it was permanent.

"Do you expect every arsehole would do that?" said Karmen. "See, that the human race would be better off if they just pulled the trigger? Do you think Etuarq is going to do that? No. Well, then it's up to someone else to do it, then, isn't it? Or at the very least, stop him as you'd once shown, as I'd once shown, as Adelana had once shown. There are good people in the world. But, unfortunately, it also shows that complete and utterly irredeemable arseholes like Etuarq are going to continue making good people into people like us. So it just makes it all the more important we stop him? Isn't it?"

I looked at her, wide-eyed, stupefied.

"You were wrong, Attelus," she said, shaking her head. "You do need me more than I need you, and for all your going on about not hating people, you are bordering on turning into a hypocrite. For all your humanity is shit crap, aren't you?"

I still couldn't say anything.

She then grabbed me roughly by the wrist and began pulling me out the door.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"We're going to man the frig up and see what a true arsehole is capable of!" She snapped. "We're going to watch Omnartus die!"

"I've been hired," I said as we moved. The now four-man Stormtrooper escort walked both in front and following behind.

Karmen smiled; although I couldn't see it, I could tell. "I'd guessed that would happen."

"The Inquisitor said she was going to hire all of us," I said. "That we had no choice in the matter."

"No," she said. "No, we don't."

I narrowed my eyes and looked at her sidelong.

"You're worried that you are merely replacing one slave master with another," said Karmen.

I shrugged. "Yes and no. After all, I've learned from this disaster is to read people better. I think she's legit, Karmen, but I might be wrong."

"What do your instincts say?" said Karmen.

"My instincts say," I smiled. "My instincts say that I'm right, that Wesley was right to trust her, and she'll be a great ally and employer. We were truly lucky that she came to us, but my instincts also say..."

"Says, what?"

"It just seems all too convenient," I said.

She laughed. "Really? A world destroyed? And we just manage to luck out enough to be rescued by a good person who's willing and ready to help us in our endeavour? You call that convenient?"

"Yeah, I do," I said without hesitation.

"If it's any consolation," Karmen said. "I agree with you."

One of the Stormtroopers had voxed forward, so we were unmolested as we walked into the Sensorium then taken to an enormous pict viewer, already showing the familiar brown cloud-covered world of Omnartus. There were eight chairs set in front, six of which occupied. Darrance was in one, his legs crossed, elbows on his thighs and his hands intertwined, index tapping, watching so intently he never noticed our approach. Torris was on another until he saw us, then his eyes widened with abstract surprise, and he pushed himself to his feet.

Vex was there too; he sat hunched forward on his seat, his fingers flying across his portable cogitator's keys, but every few seconds, the kid would glance up at the pict screen.

Vark sat, still in his carapace armour, and he barely spared us a glance, his expression a contorted mask of disgust and rage. Next to him was Helma, she seemed to watch on impassively, but I could see her eyes were welling with tears, her hands gripping the armrests so hard, her knuckles were stark white.

The last two I couldn't have been more surprised were there. Arlathan was watching from beneath a hooded brow, leaning forward, his expression intense. He only noticed us after Torris got to his feet, and he looked almost as shocked as Torris that I came. Last was Verenth, and to see the ex-hammer there made me respect him all the more. He looked at the screen with fierce, laser-like intensity.

"You're here!" exclaimed Torris. "I didn't expect to see you here."

I shrugged and managed a smile. "I...I guess I should..."

I trailed off as I looked closer at the feed, seeing the vast explosions ripping across Omnartus' surface in seemingly sporadic bursts.

Torris' eyes narrowed, and he looked at Karmen. "He's here because you made him come, didn't you?"

She nodded. "I felt he should witness this."

He bristled with barely contained anger. "Do you have any idea the psychological damage this could do...?"

"I'm fine," I interrupted softly, stepping closer to the screen. "I need to see this."

"No," said Arlathan so firmly, it forced me to look at him while he was abruptly getting to his feet. "I agree with Marcel. You shouldn't be here, Attelus."

"If you think it's going to be psychologically damaging for Attelus," growled Karmen. "How can you be here then, Arlathan Karkin? This is your homeworld; yours and Verenth's there. Won't it be even more psychologically damaging for you and him?"

Arlathan's jaw set. "I watch because I think it'll temper my will," he said. "Force me to work all the harder in the future to stop it again. Force me to keep on working inward to turn myself into a better person. I've been trying to do that, lately and because of that, I agree with Marcel. He shouldn't be here, but I agree for a different reason."

"And what's that?"

It wasn't Karmen who'd said it, and all of us turned to the speaker. My eyes widened, and I gasped in shock and surprise. Now she was the very, very last person I expected to see here.

"Adelana!" I gasped.

With a sad smile, she walked toward us through the hustle and bustle of the Sensorium, her two-man Stormtrooper escort at her flanks.

Everyone, even Vex, got up from their chairs.

Arlathan was so shocked he seemed unable to answer her question.

She continued to look at Arlathan. "And what reason is that?"

He managed to find himself. "I believed he should be with you. Helping you through this instead, but..."

"But, here I am," she said. "I can see all of you are shocked to see me here."

"Can you blame us?" said Torris.

Her attention fell to the floor. "No, I can't. I don't even know how I can be here."

"So, then," I said. "Why are you here?"

She looked straight at me; her large eyes sparkled with tears, but there was no anger there, just a sadness of such strength it took my breath away. "I've never seen my world from orbit before. I wanted to see it for the first and last time before...Before, I'll never see it ever again."

I wanted to point out that technically we're weren't watching Omnartus from orbit at all but kept my idiot mouth shut.

"Will you be able to handle that?" said Helma. "I mean, won't it..."

She wandered off in her sentence.

Adelana shrugged. "I don't know, but if I can't, and I decide to...If I decide to take my own life, please do not try to stop me. My life is my own, and if I choose to end it..."

"Your life isn't your own," said Enandra as she walked toward us, the Psyker and one Stormtrooper, who I guessed to be her lover at her sides. "It is the Emperor's, and only in death does duty end."

Adelana flinched at the Inquisitor's intensity, terrified of her.

Enandra's hard expression disappeared suddenly, replaced by a warm smile. "You are still young, Adelana. You still have duty left unfulfilled."

"But, I..." Adelana squeaked, and she began to retch with tears. "But I..."

I threw caution to the wind; despite the intense anxiety it caused me, I took Adelana in my arms just as she started to collapse to the floor. Pulling her close and she wept into my chest; it reminded me disturbingly of Elandria only a day or so ago. I'd failed in saving her just as I'd failed to save Omnartus, to save Castella, Garrakson, Wesley, so many. I just hoped I wouldn't fail Adelana as well or that I already had.

"You may end your duty, Adelana," said Enandra sadly, and somehow her words made Adelana stop her weeping and turn to look at her. "I will not stop you, that is your right, and I honestly wouldn't blame you. But I sincerely hope that you do not. That you managed to leave your quarters to be here speaks of a strength of will that astounds me. You have potential, great potential, Adelana."

Enandra attention turned up, and her eyes wandered over all of us. "All of you have great potential!"

She looked back