Love in an Undead Age, A.M. Geever [best contemporary novels txt] 📗

Miranda shook herself. She was not here to think about Sam. Connor had walked to the other side of the tower. He stood almost perfectly still, which was not like him. He had always been one of those people who found it hard to sit still if there was any alternative, but now he just stood there.

She walked over to him. When she put her hand on his shoulder, he startled but did not turn toward her. Even in profile, he looked wretched. The lines around his eyes looked tight, like a person in pain. His mouth twisted in an apprehensive frown and he shifted his weight away from her.

She had been angry with him, to such a degree it surprised her, but he had apologized once she gave him the chance. And what did it matter anymore? She didn’t like how it made her feel to see him so unhappy. She had done terrible things to stay alive, things that would have shocked her before the world reeked of destruction and death lurked around every corner. Once upon a time, Connor had broken her heart. It hardly seemed worth mentioning compared to everything that had happened since.

“I accept your apology, Connor,” she said in a voice that quavered. “Will you accept mine? Life’s too short for this.”

He turned to her, and the next thing she knew, she was in his arms. His embrace made her feel small and vulnerable and protected, and it also felt kind of dangerous for the same three reasons. She squirmed and stepped back.

“So we can work together and not disappoint Father Walter, right?” she asked, her voice feeling shaky.

He laughed then, a real one. “Hopefully it won’t be more painful than usual.”

She socked him on the shoulder, feeling hugely relieved, but he winced.

“What?” she asked. She had not punched him hard.

Connor rubbed his upper arm just below his shoulder. “It just hurts from the first vaccine shot.”

Miranda’s stomach clenched so hard she almost gasped. “You made the trip from Mexico not vaccinated?”

“We didn’t have it.”

“Jesus,” she whispered, remembering the fear not just of being killed by zombies but knowing you would turn into one. “Your arm is gonna hurt for two weeks, but the booster isn’t as bad.”

“I’ll believe that after I have the next shot in six weeks,” he said skeptically.

“Turning will be one less thing to worry about while we send the old guard packing.” She raised her hand as if making a toast. “To the old guard, good night, goodbye.”

“That sounds familiar,” Connor said wistfully.

Her face brightened. “Are you up for a round of Punk Rock Name That Tune?”

Connor shook his head. “I’m too out of practice. You’ll slaughter me.”

“Really?” she asked, her surprise genuine. Miranda had been among the best of their friends at the made-up game, but she’d never been able to beat Connor.

“Really. I didn’t remember most of the words to Black Randy.”

“You are the guy who told me ‘I Slept In An Arcade’ was about a porno arcade, not a video game arcade?”

“I am,” he said with a grin. “It’s pathetic.”

“We’ll have to get you up to speed for when we’re done with Father Walter’s little job. We can play then.”

The hard-won levity evaporated. Thinking about their ‘little job’ was sobering. The changes it would make if they were successful…to even entertain them felt like a jinx. Miranda walked to the east-facing railing and sat down, then leaned her head against the cool wrought iron. Connor joined her. They gazed out at the campus, dusk settling over the buildings and gardens and people below.

“No one here has any idea how lucky they are,” he said. “It’s so safe and comfortable. I feel like I’ve traveled through a time warp.”

“People realize, Connor, they do,” she replied, before remembering Karen’s newfound interest in death-trap fashions.

“It’s safer than anywhere I’ve been.”

“More savage, too, in some ways.”

“Do you think we can do it?”

“Father Walter makes it sound like a snap, so it’ll probably be FUBAR by the second day.”

“Listen to you… Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition,” Connor teased. “You’re right, though. Nothing ever seems to go according to plan once you put zombies in the mix.”

They sat quietly for a moment, looking at the lights.

“How did you manage to get to the nuclear power plant at Rancho Seco? That’s almost in Sacramento.” At her confused expression, he added, “The lights got me thinking about it.”

“Oh, that,” she said as if he had asked her about a trip to the grocery store. “We still had aviation fuel, so we took helicopters and lots of guns. They asked me to do it the first time, but I turned them down. Assuming the plant hadn’t melted down yet, there were all the power lines and transformers to check out between here and there. When the first expedition failed, I felt so guilty. They all died but the pilots. I wondered if I could have made a difference, but it didn’t stop me from saying no when they asked again.”

“What changed your mind?”

She tilted her head to the side, remembering. “The vaccine research had stalled because we didn’t have a stable electricity supply. Solar wasn’t reliable enough because some of the components were hard to get then. Someone had to do it.” She sighed. “That’s what I tell most people.”

Connor looked at her, his curiosity to hear what she did not tell most people evident.

“I did it because the man I’d fallen in love with asked me to,” she said through a sudden tightness in her throat, as if the words did not want to be spoken. “He hated when I went on expeditions, but he asked me to do it. The way things turned out I’ve regretted it ever since.”

“I’m sorry, Miri.”

She shrugged. “It is what it is.”

“I can’t believe what you’ve been able to do here.”

“This whole Valley is a fluke,” she said. “Enough smart people survived for the geek factor to kick in once the dust settled. We’re not like San Francisco; our water isn’t coming from Hetch Hetchy. We have a local source with a high water table, even before they started rising. Funny how that happens when millions of people aren’t sucking them dry. I guess zombies are good for something. They stopped us fucking the planet up cold.”

“Going all that way to get the power here… Wow.”

“The way things turned out, I’m sorry I did,” she said with such bitterness she could feel its metallic taste flood her mouth. A rush of impotent fury overwhelmed her, followed by a hollow sorrowfulness. She had been so happy once. Now, that Miranda felt like a different person. Not just younger and naive, but so sure. The pridefulness of her younger self took her breath away. She had been so sure that what was righteous would prevail, that people were intrinsically good. She had been so sure that he loved her.

“You don’t mean that, Miri.”

“I do,” she insisted. “A lot of good people died, and we got screwed in the end. They died for nothing.”

“The vaccine isn’t nothing, Miri, whatever happened after,” Connor disagreed. “If we’re successful, they won’t have died for nothing.”

“If I die trying to do anything, it might as well be this. Maybe it’ll make up for all the misery the reactor made possible.”

“We’re not going to die, Miri.”

“Maybe, maybe not. It’s going to happen someday.”

“Not on my watch.”

She smiled, not wanting to contradict him again. No one knew what would happen once they set out. The idea of her own death did not bother her that much, so long as someone looked after Delilah, but the thought of Connor dying was suddenly painful. It surprised her, to feel it so deeply. She had been spitting nails at him an hour ago, but now she could not even bear the thought. A crushing weight descended upon her. This is what a ton of bricks feels like, she thought, as it got heavier and heavier, and heavier still. She looked at Connor’s profile in the fading light. She didn’t think she’d be able to breathe under the crushing weight much longer.

“I’m glad you came back, Connor. I’m glad you made me listen,” she whispered.

“Me too,” he whispered back. He looked unsure for a moment, then said, “I still love you, Miri. I never stopped. It’s always been you.”

She froze for a