Smothered, Beth Stafford [interesting novels in english TXT] 📗

voice instantly struck a chord of recognition within me. The voice that had been so soothing the night before. And in my traumatised state, I hadn't even realised that my rescuer was a man of colour.
"You... From... You?"
He laughed, and I felt myself smiling too. "Yes, it's me. I came to check if you were all right."
"Oh, I'm fine," I lied. "All I needed was a good sleep."
He narrowed his chestnut eyes at me. "Do you mind if I come in?"
I bit my lip. Gaven would be awake soon, and Father was only in the garden. I didn't know how they'd react if they saw this man in our house.
"How about we go for a walk instead?"
He nodded in agreement, and I stepped out into the morning sunshine beside him. We walked at a steady pace, and for a long while, the silence that ensued between us said more than words ever could.
We eventually came to a park, and I took a seat a garden bench. "I've been meaning to ask something..."
"Yes ma'am?"
"What were you doing by the river last night? When, you know..."
He laced his fingers together in his lap. "I like to fish down there, and at night is the only time I get peace. And then I heard... What was happenin'."
I nodded. "What's your name?"
He smiled. "Reginald... Reggie."
"Well thank-you Reggie. And, if you don't mind, I'd prefer if what happened last night... If it just stayed between you and I."
"If that's what you want... Miss."
"Please, call me Jean."
He grinned, and in that instant, the world seemed a little bit brighter. I didn't even know I had been grinning, too.

§§§

I never expected to see Reggie again. We were two people living in two different worlds. Any friendship between us could never be possible.
Reggie had different ideas; he could never quite believe I would be 'fine' after what had happened with Howard, and would make his excuses to check up on me periodically. And, perhaps, there was a part of him that suspected Howard would be back. It was almost as if he never wanted me to be on my own again.
But despite Reggie's physical presence, in my dreams he was absent. At night, when I ventured into the darkest recesses of my mind, it was just me again, trapped with Howard in that willow-draped version of Hell. Each morning I'd wake up more exhausted than when I had gone to bed, having been haunted by Howard's searching hands and ominous glare all night.
"You need to go back," Reggie said. "You need to see that it wasn't the place that done bad, it was Howard."
"No, no way," I said, shaking my head vehemently. "It's Howard's 'Paradise', it's all Howard."
"It isn't, Jeanie. It's all up here." He tapped my forehead with his fingertip. "Let me take you. You'll be safe with me."
The journey back to the willow grove was traumatic. Images of the dance, the desperate fumble by the riverside, all came flooding back. A part of me wanted to reach out and take hold of Reggie's hand, but I knew that wouldn't be appropriate. So we walked, side-by-side, in steely silence.
When we got there, the scene looked completely different. There was so evidence of what had taken place, no sinister sign to mark what had happened. Reggie was right. It wasn't the place that was evil; it was Howard. It wasn't the place that had made Howard attack me.
I felt a sense of peace wash over me, a feeling that, somehow, I no longer needed to be afraid.
"It's actually quite beautiful here." I said after some time, admiring the riverbank for what it was, and not what it represented in my mind.
"I told you," Reggie said, stepping closer to me. "You don't have to be scared no more."
In that moment, I saw past Reggie's race, saw past the barrier I assumed that presented. I slid my hand into his, amazed at how much bigger than mine it was. Our fingers interlocked, fitting together like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.
He looked down at me in shock, but he didn't pull away.
"Thank-you," I said. "For everything."

§§§

My Father's face was grave. Part of me already knew what he was going to say.
"I ran into Howard today, at the drug store."
I nodded, but did not speak.
"He tells me you've been avoiding him."
I stare at the ground.
"Jean, this is not the way you're supposed to treat young men, especially not ones like Howard."
"Men like Howard?"
"Marriageable men. Men that could take you off my hands and make an honest woman of you. You could live a comfortable life as Howard's wife; he's going to be a doctor some day, you would be well off."
"Well sometimes that's not all that matters." I instantly know I'm going to regret my words. My Father didn't raise me to be defiant.
"Love and marriage do not necessarily correlate." My Father says, rather matter-of-factly. "Love is a union, a union based on mutual suitability. Love is best kept in Shakespearean sonnets."
I do not respond; I don't want to tend the fire any more than I already have.
"Your Mother was like you once, so I suppose this day was always destined to come. But listen to me now Jean; if you ever mention marrying for 'love' again, you will no longer be welcome in this family. I don't want to see my daughter living like a pauper in the sake of inconsequential feelings. Now, you will continue your courtship with Howard, and I don't want to hear anything more on the matter."
"But... You don't understand."
"What is there to understand, Jean? Howard has asked you to go to the carnival with him next week, and I assured him you would be there. Don't make me tell you this again."
I nod my head, feeling the sting of tears starting to threaten.

§§§

The thought of being near Howard again filled me with terror so intense it was almost palpable. But Reggie reassured me that he would always be nearby, so the dread lessened, if only slightly.
When Howard stepped through the front door, he embraced me as if nothing had ever happened. I didn't return his friendly gesture; instead, I hung back close to Gaven, not even trying to hide my repulsion for Howard.
The bright lights and tinkling music of the carnival seemed somewhat duller in Howard's presence, and my eyes were constantly searching the crowd for any sign of Reggie.
"You know, they would never believe you if you told them," Howard hissed, as soon as we were out of Gaven's earshot. "It would tarnish your reputation forever. Now, you wouldn't want that, would you?"
"I couldn't care less about my reputation, Howard. You're a pig. I'd rather work as a seamstress for the rest of my life than be near you for even a moment longer."
Howard gripped me hard by the forearm, boring into my eyes with his own. "You'll regret saying that, Jean."
I pushed myself away from him, reassured that we were in a dense crowd. I slipped away into the throng of people, picking up my pace in an effort to lose him.
I stopped to catch my breath alongside a carousel, and I cried out in surprise when I felt a hand fall down on my shoulder.
"It's only me," Reggie whispered. "Let's go."
I followed Reggie's tall figure through the crowd, never daring to take my eyes off him for a second. He ducked behind a fairy-floss booth, and after checking that neither Gaven nor Howard were anywhere nearby, I joined him.
"Reggie, let's run away together." I said, taking his hands in my own. "We can go somewhere exciting, like Hollywood! And we'd never have to deal with Howard, or my family ever again."
Reggie smiled at me, his large chestnut eyes brimming with delight. "I'd like that."
I threw my arms around him happily, breathing in his warmth, his comfort. He gathered me up in his arms so that we were face to face. I ran my hand along his cheek, down his neck, along his shoulder.
"Reggie, I think I love you."
I searched his eyes, but their shine never faltered. They just kept on burning, like all the stars in the sky. I leant in close, so close that our noses were touching.
"I love you, too."
"Jean?"
The cry startled us both, and I fell from Reggie's hold as if I had been burned.
"Jean, what the Hell are you doing?"
I turned to see Gaven, his face twisted with revulsion, his fists clenched at his sides.
"What are you doing with this Negro, Jean?"
"Gaven, don't..."
"Shut up Jean!
"Gaven, I love him... I love him."
"But how? How can you love someone like him?"
I took hold of Reggie's hand. "Because I do. I don't expect you to understand."
Gaven's eyes flickered up to Reggie's face. "Stay away from my sister, y' hear?"
"You can't keep us apart." I said, trying to sound braver than I felt.
Gaven backed away, shaking his head in disbelief. He disappeared behind the booth without a word.
"We should go." I said, pulling Reggie along. "We need to leave, right now."
"Is this so wrong?" He asked, stalling. "That you and I should love each-other? So wrong that we have to leave?"
"You don't understand my family!" I said, starting to panic. "Who knows what they will do."
"Here they are." Gaven said, pointing at us as though we were diseased. Howard trailed in his wake.
Howard looked from me, to Reggie, to me again. His eyebrows were knitted, his mouth set in a deep scowl. "I always knew there was something wrong with you Jean, but this... This is just disgusting."
I stood my ground next to Reggie, defiant. "No Howard, what's disgusting is what you tried to do to me. What Reggie saved me from."
Howard stiffened, and Gaven shot him a quizzical look.
"You're going to pay for stealing my girl, Nigger."
"Get out of here, both of you!" I screamed.
"Gladly," Gaven spat. "You're not a sister to me anymore."

§§§

I clung to Reggie's arm, not wanting to breathe the words out loud that were already racing through my mind. Now, leaving was the only option. If we wanted to be together, abandoning our lives was the sole choice we had.
"What are we going to do?" I said, my voice trembling. "Everything I own is at my home... And I can't go back there. I don't even want to think about what they'll do to me."
"Jean, your family's gon' forgive you."
"No, no they aren't. And I don't want them to... I don't want to be a part of that family."
"I'll leave, I can get on a bus tonight," Reggie said, his voice so soft it was barely a whisper. "You can go back to your family. You can forget 'bout me."
"No! I could never do that, Reggie. I love you. You saved me, in more ways than you could ever know."
I stopped our walk, and burrowed myself into his chest. I didn't care that my tears were soaking through his shirt, or that I would look like a mess; I needed Reggie to know how much he meant to me.
He ran his hands through my hair, kissing the top of my head every so often. The mere sound of him breathing was enough to bring a