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The Girls.  Pretty Place; Sightly All Round It.

I'Ve Got A Force Of Men At Work There The Whole Time,

And I'Ve Got A Man And His Wife In the House.  Had A

Family Meeting there Last Year; The Whole Connection From

Out West.  There!" Lapham Rose From His Seat And Took

of 1 Part 1 Pg 5

Down A Large Warped,  Unframed photograph From The Top

Of His Desk,  Passing his Hand Over It,  And Then Blowing

Vigorously Upon It,  To Clear It Of The Dust.  "There We Are,

All Of Us."

 

"I Don'T Need to Look Twice At You," Said Bartley,

Putting his Finger On One Of The Heads.

 

"Well,  That'S Bill," Said Lapham,  With A Gratified laugh.

"He'S About As Brainy As Any Of Us,  I Guess.  He'S One

Of Their Leading lawyers,  Out Dubuque Way; Been Judge

Of The Common Pleas Once Or Twice.  That'S His Son--Just

Graduated at Yale--Alongside Of My Youngest Girl.

Good-Looking chap,  Ain'T He?"

 

"She'S A Good-Looking chap," Said Bartley,  With Prompt

Irreverence.  He Hastened to Add,  At The Frown Which

Gathered between Lapham'S Eyes,  "What A Beautiful Creature

She Is! What A Lovely,  Refined,  Sensitive Face! And She Looks Good,  Too."

 

"She Is Good," Said The Father,  Relenting.

 

"And,  After All,  That'S About The Best Thing in a Woman,"

Said The Potential Reprobate.  "If My Wife Wasn'T Good

Enough To Keep Both Of Us Straight,  I Don'T Know What

Would Become Of Me." "My Other Daughter," Said Lapham,

Indicating a Girl With Eyes That Showed large,  And A Face

Of Singular Gravity.  "Mis' Lapham," He Continued,

Touching his Wife'S Effigy With His Little Finger.

"My Brother Willard And His Family--Farm At Kankakee.

Hazard Lapham And His Wife--Baptist Preacher In kansas.

Jim And His Three Girls--Milling business At Minneapolis.

Ben And His Family--Practising medicine In fort Wayne."

 

The Figures Were Clustered in an Irregular Group

In Front Of An Old Farm-House,  Whose Original Ugliness

Had Been Smartened up With A Coat Of Lapham'S

Own Paint,  And Heightened with An Incongruous Piazza.

The Photographer Had Not Been Able To Conceal The Fact

That They Were All Decent,  Honest-Looking,  Sensible People,

With A Very Fair Share Of Beauty Among The Young Girls;

Some Of These Were Extremely Pretty,  In fact.  He Had Put

Them Into Awkward And Constrained attitudes,  Of Course;

And They All Looked as If They Had The Instrument Of Torture

Which Photographers Call A Head-Rest Under Their Occiputs.

Here And There An Elderly Lady'S Face Was A Mere Blur;

And Some Of The Younger Children Had Twitched

Themselves Into Wavering shadows,  And Might Have Passed

For Spirit-Photographs Of Their Own Little Ghosts.

It Was The Standard Family-Group Photograph,  In which Most

Americans Have Figured at Some Time Or Other; And Lapham

Exhibited a Just Satisfaction In it.  "I Presume,"

He Mused aloud,  As He Put It Back On Top Of His Desk,

"That We Sha'N'T Soon Get Together Again,  All Of Us."

 

"And You Say," Suggested bartley,  "That You Stayed right

Along On The Old Place,  When The Rest Cleared out West?"

of 1 Part 1 Pg 6

 

"No O-O-O," Said Lapham,  With A Long,  Loud Drawl;

"I Cleared out West Too,  First Off.  Went To Texas.

Texas Was All The Cry In those Days.  But I Got Enough

Of The Lone Star In about Three Months,  And I Come Back

With The Idea That Vermont Was Good Enough For Me."

 

"Fatted calf Business?" Queried bartley,  With His Pencil

Poised above His Note-Book.

 

"I Presume They Were Glad To See Me," Said Lapham,

With Dignity.  "Mother," He Added gently,  "Died that Winter,

And I Stayed on With Father.  I Buried him In the Spring;

And Then I Came Down To A Little Place Called lumberville,

And Picked up What Jobs I Could Get.  I Worked round At

The Saw-Mills,  And I Was Ostler A While At The Hotel--I

Always Did Like A Good Horse.  Well,  I Wa'N'T Exactly

A College Graduate,  And I Went To School Odd Times.

I Got To Driving the Stage After While,  And By And

By I Bought The Stage And Run The Business Myself.

Then I Hired the Tavern-Stand,  And--Well To Make A Long

Story Short,  Then I Got Married.  Yes," Said Lapham,

With Pride,  "I Married the School-Teacher. We Did

Pretty Well With The Hotel,  And My Wife She Was Always

At Me To Paint Up.  Well,  I Put It Off,  And Put It Off,

As A Man Will,  Till One Day I Give In,  And Says I,

'Well,  Let'S Paint Up.  Why,  Pert,'--M'Wife'S Name'S

Persis,--'I'Ve Got A Whole Paint-Mine Out On The Farm.

Let'S Go Out And Look At It.' So We Drove Out.  I'D Let

The Place For Seventy-Five Dollars A Year To A Shif'Less

Kind Of A Kanuck That Had Come Down That Way; And I'D

Hated to See The House With Him In it; But We Drove Out

One Saturday Afternoon,  And We Brought Back About A Bushel

Of The Stuff In the Buggy-Seat,  And I Tried it Crude,  And I

Tried it Burnt; And I Liked it.  M'Wife She Liked it Too.

There Wa'N'T Any Painter By Trade In the Village,  And I

Mixed it Myself.  Well,  Sir,  That Tavern'S Got That Coat

Of Paint On It Yet,  And It Hain'T Ever Had Any Other,

And I Don'T Know'S It Ever Will.  Well,  You Know,

I Felt As If It Was A Kind Of Harumscarum Experiment,

All The While; And I Presume I Shouldn'T Have Tried it

But I Kind Of Liked to Do It Because Father'D Always

Set So Much Store By His Paint-Mine. And When I'D Got

The First Coat On,"--Lapham Called it Cut,--"I Presume I

Must Have Set As Much As Half An Hour; Looking at It And

Thinking how He Would Have Enjoyed it.  I'Ve Had My Share

Of Luck In this World,  And I Ain'T A-Going to Complain

On My Own Account,  But I'Ve Noticed that Most Things Get

Along Too Late For Most People.  It Made Me Feel Bad,

And It Took All The Pride Out My Success With The Paint,

Thinking of Father.  Seemed to Me I Might 'A Taken More

Interest In it When He Was By To See; But We'Ve Got To

Live And Learn.  Well,  I Called my Wife Out,--I'D Tried

It On The Back Of The House,  You Know,--And She Left

Her Dishes,--I Can Remember She Came Out With Her Sleeves

Rolled up And Set Down Alongside Of Me On The Trestle,--

And Says I,  'What Do You Think,  Persis?' And Says She,

'Well,  You Hain'T Got A Paint-Mine,  Silas Lapham;

of 1 Part 1 Pg 7

You'Ve Got A Gold-Mine.' She Always Was Just So Enthusiastic

About Things.  Well,  It Was Just After Two Or Three

Boats Had Burnt Up Out West,  And A Lot Of Lives Lost,

And There Was A Great Cry About Non-Inflammable Paint,

And I Guess That Was What Was In her Mind.  'Well,  I

Guess It Ain'T Any Gold-Mine,  Persis,' Says I; 'But I

Guess It Is A Paint-Mine. I'M Going to Have It Analysed,

And If It Turns Out What I Think It Is,  I'M Going

To Work It.  And If Father Hadn'T Had Such A Long Name,

I Should Call It The Nehemiah Lapham Mineral Paint.

But,  Any Rate,  Every Barrel Of It,  And Every Keg,

And Every Bottle,  And Every Package,  Big Or Little,

Has Got To Have The Initials And Figures N.L.F. 1835,

S.L.T. 1855,  On It.  Father Found It In 1835,  And I Tried it

In 1855.'"

 

"'S.T.--1860--X.' Business," Said Bartley.

 

"Yes," Said Lapham,  "But I Hadn'T Heard Of Plantation

Bitters Then,  And I Hadn'T Seen Any Of The Fellow'S Labels.

I Set To Work And I Got A Man Down From Boston; And I

Carried him Out To The Farm,  And He Analysed it--Made

A Regular Job Of It.  Well,  Sir,  We Built A Kiln,  And We

Kept A Lot Of That Paint-Ore Red-Hot For Forty-Eight Hours;

Kept The Kanuck And His Family Up,  Firing.  The Presence

Of Iron In the Ore Showed with The Magnet From The Start;

And When He Came To Test It,  He Found Out That It

Contained about Seventy-Five Per Cent.  Of The Peroxide

Of Iron."

 

Lapham Pronounced the Scientific Phrases With A Sort

Of Reverent Satisfaction,  As If Awed through His Pride

By A Little Lingering uncertainty As To What Peroxide Was.

He Accented it As If It Were Purr-Ox-Eyed; And Bartley

Had To Get Him To Spell It.

 

"Well,  And What Then?" He Asked,  When He Had Made A Note

Of The Percentage.

 

"What Then?" Echoed lapham.  "Well,  Then,  The Fellow Set

Down And Told Me,  'You'Ve Got A Paint Here,' Says He,

'That'S Going to Drive Every Other Mineral Paint Out Of

The Market.  Why' Says He,  'It'Ll Drive 'Em Right Into

The Back Bay!' Of Course,  I Didn'T Know What The Back Bay

Was Then,  But I Begun To Open My Eyes; Thought I'D Had 'Em

Open Before,  But I Guess I Hadn'T. Says He,  'That Paint

Has Got Hydraulic Cement In it,  And It Can Stand Fire

And Water And Acids;' He Named over A Lot Of Things.

Says He,  'It'Ll Mix Easily With Linseed oil,  Whether You

Want To Use It Boiled or Raw; And It Ain'T A-Going

To Crack Nor Fade Any; And It Ain'T A-Going to Scale.

When You'Ve Got Your Arrangements For Burning it Properly,

You'Re Going to Have A Paint That Will Stand Like The

Everlasting hills,  In every Climate Under The Sun.'

Then He Went Into A Lot Of Particulars,  And I Begun

To Think He Was Drawing a Long-Bow,  And Meant To Make His

Bill Accordingly.  So I Kept Pretty Cool; But The Fellow'S

Bill Didn'T Amount To Anything hardly--Said I Might Pay

of 1 Part 1 Pg 8

Him After I Got Going; Young Chap,  And Pretty Easy;

But Every Word He Said Was Gospel.  Well,  I Ain'T A-Going

To Brag Up My Paint; I Don'T Suppose You

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