Mistakes..., Lauren Colman [non fiction books to read txt] 📗

words were slightly slurred, in his hand was a vodka bottle. I had never drank alcohol as mark didn't like me to, unexpectantly he poured some of it down my throat then he said," How do you feel baby? Alcohol virgin," He laughed to himself then poured more down me, I felt dizzy but powered with new courage. My throat burned, I felt light but like I was glued to this world not able to escape into my own thoughts and block everything out.

Quietly I asked," Can I go to a party saturday?" His eyes shot to me then he said," What did you say?" I knew he had heard me but he was angry because of the alcohol.

I whispered it again then he roared," WHAT GO TO A PARTY WITH GUYS AND ALCOHOL! YOU ARE MINE AND NOBODY IS GOING TO FUCK YOU BUT ME!" He yanked me off the sofa, I was bent over it with my face squishing into the floral cushions, I was unable to breath. I heard him unzip his trousers, I knew what was going to happen now. He lifted my nighty up and ripped my pants off, the elastic tore into my skin and was painful. I closed my eyes, not being able to bare what was coming next, then he did the most shocking thing, he entered somewhere he had never ever ventured, the pain was shocking. I cried into the sofa pillows. He had entered my anal.

He let go of my hair and waist then chuckled to himself then whispered in my ear," Serves you right," I picked myself up then hobbled upstairs and cried myself to sleep. He was gone in the morning, the pain reminded me of the first time. He had continuously tried to penetrate me but it never worked as I screamed my head off, he tried in all different positions, some were just impossible. One he wanted me to lay on my back, wrap my legs around his shoulders as he was knelt, a few times he almost entered my anus which was shocking and painful. He had tried to enter me "doggie" style, which was disturbing but I had gotten past that. I knew I was never going to have a normal life. when he tried so he had another idea when he was in the bathroom he dragged me in. Sat me on the white sink and tried to lower me down but I was that tense he couldn't enter me. When I was thirteen and eight months, he got so frustrated that he dragged me to his room, pried my legs open and entered. It felt like I had been split in half, I couldn't walk properly for a few days. It burned when I peed, he fed me one of moms pills after and then he became a sex deprived beast after that. Getting me where ever he could, my room, the kitchen, the living room and even the school toilets. That made me feel like more of an outcast, I wished I had another life and that I could experience a better one. I would kill to have a better life.


I stayed in bed till late, all I wanted was to go to that party, I got ready then looked in the mirror, I looked like a different person and there was a smile on my face. Fearing my brother, I climbed out the window, I looked back then saw his angry face staring right back at me. I ran and ran but I was a slow runner and he was quickly catching up and I ran straight into the road.


Sammie

I looked at myself, my hair curled, in a sparkily grey dress with heels, I was sat in the car and kyle my boyfriend was driving. At a turn I dropped my lipgloss and was unable to reach it, I unclipped my seat belt then my fingers ran over something smooth. I grabbed it and turned around then a silver flash ran in front of us, kyle stopped. THUD. It was hit and I smashed through the screen.


The girl was dead.


I opened my eyes, a dull beeping could be heard, it hit me. The pain. I saw I was in a hospital bed, my hand was in a cast, so was my other wrist. I looked around, I was in a hospital room, there sat in a chair was a boy I had seen around school but didn't know, I think vaguely I knew his name, I think it was mark ann. I think the freak was his sister, what was he doing in my room. I saw my parents walk past the room, my mother was sobbing, father was guiding her as if she couldn't support herself, I sat up in bed then tried to shout but no words came out. I brought my hands to my throat, it was bandaged up, I couldn't speak. I looked at her, to see if she would recognise me but all she did was glare and walk away. I heard her howl as a body bag rolled past her, she clutched the bag and fell to the floor howling hysterically. I wasn't dead! Why didn't she realise it? Mark twitched then sat up from his slumped position, he opened his eyes slowly then blinked in disbelief. Slowly he croaked," Oh lillie, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so glad your ok," He cleared his voice then got up and hugged my tightly. " Don't worry. were coming home today, I've missed you so much, at first I thought it was you who had died, I have no idea what I would have done if you had died..." He smiled then helped me up as the nurse came in, I got dressed which was a struggle and then went to marks home. I couldn't believe that people thought I was dead. The car pulled up at the house and mark helped me out of the car.


I spent the evening, on the sofa left alone watching TV, then mark came in and cuddled up to me, then did the one thing that shocked me. He kissed me. He thought I was lillie, is this why she was so messed up? He was stroking my hair which made me uncomfortable, then he murmured in my ear," Shhh, I promise I won't force you again," Then he left.


Days passed, I couldn't tell anybody that it was all a mistake, I wasn't dead. Its all a big mistake.


I wasn't use to this lifestyle, her father was an alcoholic who tended to take his rage out on the house or whoever was in his way. Her room was small, she had little clothes which weren't very tasteful and mark was very disturbing. One day when I was cleaning the floor, I noticed an odd floorboard, filled with curiosity, I lifted it up and I saw the one thing that made me feel so guilty. There was a box and inside the box was, a few things, two pregnancy sticks which showed positive, a thick tear stained diary and a ultrasound scan. I had teased her, bullied her, she wasn't fat, she had been pregnant. It's my fault they are both dead, that child could have had a life. I don't even think mark realised she was pregnant. I had inocent blood on my hands. I opened the diary then read the vivid detail of what her life had been like, I knew once she had wanted to be a writer but this was no story, this was her life, the torture was 24'7, It had been her hell and I was one of her devil keepers.

It was all my fault. I felt so guilty, I had hardily knew her but yet I felt this pain, how could I go on pretending, even if I did escape this madhouse, I would never be able to ...

I stumbled into the bathroom, salty tears pouring down my face, I howled loudly, locking the door I just sat and cried. It felt like I was emptying my soul, I heard a knocking at the door, this couldn't have been real, she always wanted a life like mine and I had tormented her and shoved my good life in her face, just rubbing it in. I lifted the diary, wrapped it in a bag then walked down the stairs, I had lived her hellish life for two weeks, torment from her family and my friends, I slightly knew how she felt but I would never completely know how she felt. To lose it so young, the terror and the fear and the fact sometimes she actually wished she had the guts to run away even though she knew what would happen. She was so desperate but I just hope that she would find some peace being dead. I added more to the diary then closed it and attached a note to it. I left it then grabbed some matches, they were asleep. If I was going down they were going down too...


On 55 brooks street, number 55 has been set on fire in what we believe to be an arsenal caused fire, three are dead but the bodies are yet to be recognised but all that remains, is a small diary which has a note. The police are identifying the diary at the moment but we have gained the information to the details of the note. It has apparently been written by the dead girl Sammie May who died tragically, earlier in the month in a fatal car crash, it claims that it was a mistake and that Lillie Ann's poor life should remembered, that people should know why she was the way she was, it pleads that the diary should be published...


I closed the book and saw that I was on the very last page, it was dedicated to the two young girls that died, it was based on a true story. It had made me feel sympathy for the girl Lillie and made me feel grateful the good life I have.


I just want to say, it's not a true story but it's based off two things forever ago I vaguely saw on the news, it's meant to be a little bit like "prince and the pauper" but well it isn't, because only Sammie of them sees what Lillie's life is like. I wanted to twist it like that, I read this awful book which is a true story about a girl whose dad abused her in the way I wrote about, I thought I would write a different type of story. Some people don't realise how lucky they are, just wanted a book to be dedicated to all the girls who have been through awful experiences in any shape or form similar to the story. No words on paper can make you understand what some girls have been through. Don't we just wish the world would be a place without bullies, stuck up bitches, rapists, arson, murders, disasters... Just the words being mentioned makes my blood boil. So this is to you darling, don't let anyone walk all over you <3


We stopped checking for monsters under our bed. When we realised they were inside of us.

Were all in the same game,Just different levels.
Dealing with the same hell, Just different devils.