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Philters. Reform Your Personal Appearance,  Or

Here,  At The Foot Of This Statue Of Victor Emmanuel,  I Leave You To Your

Fate."

 

Dicky Reformed It,  But With An Air Of Patience Under Persecution Which I

Found Hard To Bear. "I Don'T Know Your Authority For Calling It

Unrequited," He Said,  With Dignity.

 

"All Right--Undelivered," I Replied. "That Is A Noble Statue--You Can'T

Contradict The Guide-Book. By Borghi."

 

"Victor Emmanuel,  Is It? Then It Isn'T Garibaldi. You Don'T Have To

Travel Much In Italy To Know It'S Got To Be Either One Or The Other.

What They _Like_ Is To Have Both," Said Mr. Dod,  With Unnecessary

Bitterness. "I'D Enjoy Something Fresh In Statues Myself." Then,  With An

Imperfectly-Concealed Alertness,  "There Seems To Be Something Going On

Over There," He Added.

 

We Could See Nothing But An Arched Door In a High,  Curving Wall,  And A

Stream Of People Trickling In. "Probably Only One Of Their Eternal Latin

Church Services," Continued Dicky. "It'S About The Only Form Of Public

Entertainment You Can Depend On In This Country. But We Might As Well

Have A Look In." He Went On To Say,  As We Crossed The Dusty Road,  That

My Unsympathetic Attitude Was Enough To Drive Anybody To The Church Of

Rome,  Even In The Middle Of The Afternoon.

 

But We Perceived At Once That It Was Not The Church Of Rome,  Or Any

Other Church. There Was More Than One Arched Entrance,  And A Man In

Each,  To Whom People Paid A Lira Apiece For Admission,  And When We

Followed Them In We Found Our Feet Still Upon The Ground,  And Ourselves

Among A Forest Of Solid Buttresses And Props. The Number Xv. Was Cut

Deep Over The Door We Came In by,  And The Props Had The Air Of Centuries

Of Patience. A Wave Of Sound Seemed To Sweep Round In a Circle Inside

And Spend Itself About Us,  Of Faint Multitudinous Clappings. Conviction

Descended Upon Us Suddenly,  And As We Stumbled After The Others We

Shared One Classic Moment Of Anticipation,  Hurrying And Curious In 1895

As The Romans Hurried And Were Curious In 110,  A Little Late For The

Show In The Arena. They Were All There Before Us,  They Had Taken The

Best Places,  And Sat,  As We Emerged In Our Astonishment,  Tier Above Tier

To The Row Where The Wall Stopped And The Sky Began,  Intent,

Enthusiastic. The Wall Threw A New Moon Of Shadow On The West,  And There

The Sun Struck Down Sharply And Made Splendid The Dyes In The Women'S

Clothes,  And Turned The Italian Soldiers' Buttons Into Flaming Jewels.

And Again,  As We Stared,  The Applause Went Round And Up,  From The Yellow

Sand Below To The Blue Sky Above,  And When We Looked Bewildered Down

Into The Arena For The Victorious Gladiator,  And Saw A Tumbling Clown

With A Painted Face Instead,  The Illusion Was Only Half Destroyed. We

Climbed And Struggled For Better Places,  Treading,  I Fear,  In Our

Absorption On A Great Many Veronese Toes. Dicky Said When We Got Them

That You Had To Remember That The Seats Were Roman In Order To

Appreciate Them,  They Were Such Very Cold Stone,  And They Sloped From

Back To Front,  For The Purpose,  As We Found Out Afterward From The

Guide-Book,  Of Letting Off The Rain Water. We Were Glad To Understand

It,  But Dicky Declared That No Explanation Would Induce Him To Take A

Season Ticket For The Arena,  It Was Too Destitute Of Modern

Improvements. It Was Something,  Though,  To Sit There Watching,  With The

Ranged Multitude,  A Show In a Roman Amphitheatre--One Could Imagine

Things,  Lictors And æDiles,  Senators And Centurions. It Only Required

The Substitution Of Togas And Girdled Robes For Trousers And Petticoats,

And A Purple Awning For The Emperor,  And A Brass-Plated Body-Guard With

Long Spears And Hairy Arms And Legs,  And A Few Details Like That. If One

Half Closed One'S Eyes It Was Hardly Necessary To Imagine. I Was Half

Closing My Eyes,  And Wondering Whether They Had Vestal Virgins At This

Particular Amphitheatre,  And Trying To Remember Whether They Would Turn

Their Thumbs Up Or Down When They Wished The Clown To Be Destroyed,  When

Dicky Grew Suddenly Pale And Sprang To His Feet.

 

"I Was Afraid It Might Give One A Chill," I Said,  "But It Is Very

Picturesque. I Suppose The Ancient Romans Brought Cushions."

 

Mr. Dod Did Not Appear To Hear Me.

 

"In The Third Row Below," He Exclaimed,  Blushing Joyfully,  "The Sixth

From This End--Do You See? Yellow Bun Under A Floral Hat--Isabel!"

 

"A Yellow Bun Under A Floral Hat," I Repeated,  "That Would Be Isabel,  If

You Add A Good Complexion And A Look Of Deportment. Yes,  Now I See Her.

Mrs. Portheris On One Side,  Mr. Mafferton On The Other. What Do You Want

To Do?"

 

"Assassinate Mafferton," Said Dicky. "Does It Look To You As If He Had

Been Getting There At All."

 

"So Far As One Can See From Behind,  I Should Say He Has Made Some

Progress,  But I Don'T Think,  Dicky,  That He Has Arrived. He Is

Constitutionally Slow," I Added,  "About Arriving."

 

At That Moment The Party Rose. Without A Word We,  Too,  Got On Our Feet

And Automatically Followed,  Dicky Treading The Reserved Seats Of The

Court Of Berengarius As If They Had Been The Back Rows Of A Bowery

Theatre. The Classics Were Wholly Obscured For Him By A Floral Hat And A

Yellow Bun. I,  Too,  Abandoned My Speculations Cheerfully,  For I Expected

Mrs. Portheris,  Confronted With Dicky,  To Be More Entertaining Than Any

Gladiator.

 

We Came Up With Them At The Exit,  And That August Lady,  As We

Approached,  To Our Astonishment,  Greeted Us With Effusion.

 

[Illustration: "Do You See?"]

 

"We Thought," She Declared,  "That We Had Lost You Altogether. This Is

Quite Delightful. Now We _Must_ Reunite!" Dicky Was Certainly Included.

It Was Extraordinary. "And Your Dear Father And Mother," Went On Mrs.

Portheris,  "I Am Longing To Hear Their Experiences Since We Parted.

Where Are You? The Colomba? Why What A Coincidence! We Are There,  Too!

How Small The World Is!"

 

"Then You Have Only Just Arrived," Said Mr. Dod To Miss Portheris,  Who

Had Turned Away Her Head,  And Was Regarding The Distant Mountains.

 

"Yes."

 

"By The 11.30 P.M.?"

 

"No. By The 2.30 P.M."

 

"Had You A Pleasant Journey Up From Naples?"

 

"It Was Rather Dusty."

 

I Saw That Something Quite Awful Was Going On And Conversed Volubly With

Mrs. Portheris And Mr. Mafferton To Give Dicky A Chance,  But In a Moment

I,  Too,  Felt A Refrigerating Influence Proceeding From The Floral Hat

And The Bun For Which I Could Not Account.

 

"Where Have You Been?" Inquired Dicky,  "If I May Ask."

 

"At Vallombrosa."

 

There Was Also A Parasol And It Twisted Indifferently.

 

"Ah--Among The Leaves! And Were They As Thick As William Says They Are?"

 

"I Don'T Understand You." And,  Indeed,  This Levity Assorted

Incomprehensively With The Black Despair That Sat On Dicky'S

Countenance. It Was Really Very Painful In Spite Of Mrs. Portheris'S

Unusual Humanity And Mr. Mafferton'S Obvious Though Embarrassed Joy,  And

As Mrs. Portheris'S Cab Drove Up At The Moment I Made A Tentative

Attempt To Bring The Interview To A Close. "Mr. Dod And I Are Walking,"

I Said.

 

"Ah,  These Little Strolls!" Exclaimed Mrs. Portheris,  With Benignant

Humour. "I Suppose We Must Condone Them Now!" And She Waved Her Hand,

Rolling Away,  As If She Gave Us A British Matron'S Blessing.

 

"Oh,  Don'T!" I Cried. "Don'T Condone Them--You Mustn'T!" But My Words

Fell Short In a Cloud Of Dust,  And Even Dicky,  Wrapped In His Tragedy,

Failed To Receive An Impression From Them.

 

"How," He Demanded Passionately,  "Do You Account For It?"

 

"Account For What?" I Shuffled.

 

"The Size Of Her Head--The Frost--The Whole Bally Conversation!"

Propounded Dicky,  With Tears In His Eyes.

 

I Have Really A Great Deal Of Feeling,  And I Did Not Rebuke These Terms.

Besides,  I Could See Only One Way Out Of It,  And I Was Occupied With The

Best Terms In Which To Present It To Dicky. So I Said I Didn'T Know,  And

Reflected.

 

"She Isn'T The Same Girl!" He Groaned.

 

"Men Are Always Talking In The Funny Columns Of The Newspapers," I

Remarked Absently,  "About How Much Better They Can Throw A Stone And

Sharpen A Pencil Than We Can."

 

Mr. Dod Looked Injured. "Oh,  Well," He Said,  "If You Prefer To Talk

About Something Else----"

 

"But They Can'T See Into A Sentimental Situation Any Further Than Into A

Board Fence," I Continued Serenely. "My Dear Dick,  Isabel Thinks You'Re

Engaged. So Does Her Mamma. So Does Mr. Mafferton."

 

"Who To?" Exclaimed Mr. Dod,  In Ungrammatical Amazement.

 

"I Looked At Him Reproachfully. Don'T Be Such An Owl!" I Said.

 

Light Streamed In Upon Dicky'S Mind. "To You!" He Exclaimed. "Great

Scott!"

 

"Preposterous,  Isn'T It?" I Said.

 

"I Should Ejaculate! Well,  No,  I Mean--I Shouldn'T Ejaculate,  But--Oh,

You Know What I Mean----"

 

"I Do," I Said. "Don'T Apologise."

 

"What In My Aunt'S Wardrobe Do They Think That For?"

 

"You Left Their Party And Joined Ours Rather Abruptly At Pompeii," I

Said.

 

"Had To!"

 

"Isabel Didn'T Know You Had To. If She Tried To Find Out,  I Fancy She

Was Told Little Girls Shouldn'T Ask Questions. It Was Lot'S Wife Who

Really Came Between You,  But Isabel Wouldn'T Have Been Jealous Of Lot'S

Wife."

 

"I Suppose Not," Said Dicky Doubtfully.

 

"Do You Remember Meeting The Misses Bingham In The Ufizzi? And Telling

Them You Were Going To Be----"

 

"That'S So."

 

"You Didn'T Give Them Enough Details. And They Told Me They Were Going

To Vallombrosa. And When Miss Cora Said Good-Bye To Me She Told Me You

Were A Dear Or Something."

 

"Why Didn'T You Say I Wasn'T?"

 

"Dicky,  If You Are Going To Assume That It Was My Fault----"

 

"Only One Decent Hotel--Hardly Anybody In It--Foregathered With Old Lady

Portheris--Told Every Mortal Thing They Knew! Oh," Groaned Dicky. "Why

Was An Old Maid Ever Born!"

 

"She Never Was," I Couldn'T Help Saying,  But I Might As Well Not Have

Said It. Dicky Was Rapidly Formulating His Plan Of Action.

 

"I'Ll Tell Her Straight Out,  After Dinner," He Concluded,  "And Her

Mother,  Too,  If I Get A Chance."

 

"Do You Know What Will Happen?" I Asked.

 

"You Never Know What Will Happen," Replied Dicky,  Blushing.

 

"Mrs. And Miss Portheris And Mr. Mafferton Will Leave The Hotel Colomba

For Parts Unknown,  By The Earliest Train To-Morrow Morning."

 

"But Mrs. Portheris Declares That We'Re To Be A Happy Family For The

Rest Of The Trip."

 

"Under The Impression That You Are Disposed Of,  An Impression That

_Might_ Be Allowed To----"

 

"My Heart," Said Dicky Impulsively,  "May Be Otherwise Engaged,  But My

Alleged Mind Is Yours For Ever. Mamie,  You Have A Great Head."

 

"Thanks," I Said. "I Would Certainly Tell The Truth To Isabel,  As A

Secret,  But----"

 

"Mamie,  We Cut Our Teeth On The Same----"

 

"Horrid Of You To Refer To It."

 

"It'S Such A Tremendous Favour!"

 

"It Is."

 

"But Since You'Re In It,  You Know,  Already--And It'S So Very

Temporary--And I'Ll Be As Good As Gold----"

 

"You'D Better!" I Exclaimed. And So It Was Settled That The Fiction Of

Dicky'S And My Engagement Should Be Permitted To Continue To Any Extent

That Seemed Necessary Until Mr. Dod Should Be Able To Persuade Miss

Portheris To Fly With Him Across The Channel And Be Married At A Dover

Registry Office. We Arranged Everything With Great Precision,  And,  If

Necessary,  I Was To Fly Too,  To Make It A Little More Proper. We Were

Both Somewhat Doubtful About The Necessity Of A Bridesmaid In a Registry

Office,  But We Agreed That Such A Thing Would Go A Long Way Towards

Persuading Isabel To Enter It.

 

When We Arrived At The Hotel We Found Mrs. Portheris And Mr. Mafferton

Affectionately Having Tea With My Parents. Isabel Had Gone To Bed With A

Headache,  But Dicky,  Notwithstanding,  Displayed The Most Unfeeling

Spirits. He Drove Us All Finally To See The Tomb Of Juliet In The Vicolo

Franceschini,  And It Was Before That Uninspiring Stone Trough Full Of

Visiting Cards,  Behind A Bowling Green Of Suburban Patronage,  That I

Heard Him,  On General Grounds Of Expediency,  Make Contrite Advances To

Mrs. Portheris.

 

"I Think I Ought To Tell You," He Said,  "That My Views Have Undergone A

Change Since I Saw You."

 

Mrs. Portheris Fixed Her _Pince Nez_ Upon Him In Suspicious Inquiry.

 

"I Can Even Swallow The Whale Now," He Faltered,  "Like Jonah."

Chapter 22
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