A Little Mess, Max Sledge [the false prince .txt] 📗

The men threw Smart and me into the kitchen hut and shut the door. The hut was much like Smart’s, circular, with a grass roof in the shape of a cone. In the middle of the hut lay the fire pit. Red coals gave dim light to the room.
“Mr. Brain.” Smart whispered.
“Yes Smart.” I replied.
“What you tink? We are dead?” Smart said.
“I don’t know, Vivian doesn’t seem to like me.” I replied. I asked Smart why Vivian hated Sister Kathy. As Smart was about to reply the kitchen door flew open. The two men with matching jackets stepped into the room. Each held a large sharp stick. They walked over to us and told us to sit, back to back. We immediately complied. Using rope they tied us tightly together. Then they placed wood in the fire pit. After lighting the fire they stumbled out of the hut, still drunk. Smart and I were positioned one meter away from the fire close to the middle of the room. I was facing the door and Smart was facing the wall. Smart leaned back and whispered into my ear.
“Vivian, everyone knows him in the areas. Everyone is scared of him. He is a nonga.” I had heard the word nonga before, but I couldn’t remember what it meant in English.
“What is a nonga?” leaning back I whispered into Smart’s ear. Smart didn’t have time to reply. The door flew open for a second time. The meaning of the word nonga was revealed. Vivian slowly stepped into the hut; his garb revealing his occupation. He was shirtless with what looked like necklaces of beef jerky hanging from his neck. On his ankle and wrist he wore beads and charms. His face was painted blue and white with blue highlighting his eyebrows. Consequently, these eyebrow highlights made him look like he was in a constant state of surprise. A grass skirt hung from his hips. Vivian was a witchdoctor. As he walked toward me a disturbing reality became clear. Vivian’s grass skirt was not woven together tightly. As a result his genitalia became visible each time he took a stride making him a walking peep show. Vivian bent down to get to my level.
“Before I kill you, Brian, an yo friend Smart” Smart leaned over smiling nervously, “I’m going to curse everything dat you love.” Vivian said this with hatred in his voice. Fear began to engulf me now that death was certain. Smart leaned back and began to whisper apology after apology into my ear. Vivian got up and left the hut. He returned quickly bringing into the room assorted farm animals. Goats, chickens, ducks and a few guinea fowl began to move around me. One of the goats began to nibble at my hair. Vivian placed a large wooden bowl next to my feet. Next he pulled out a photograph that was discolored and looked as if it had been ripped and then taped back together numerous times. He gingerly took the picture and taped it to my sweatshirt in the region of my chest. I looked down and saw what I presumed to be a Zimbabwean man in military uniform staring up at me holding a machine gun. As a chicken walked past my foot, Vivian grabbed it and snapped its neck. He then threw the carcass into the bowl. A large handful of red powder entered the bowl, second. Vivian harnessed a goat, took it by the utter and squirted milk into the bowl completing the recipe. Standing up he began to chant in Shona, and mix the three ingredients vigorously, kneading them with his long dirty fingernails. At this time Smart leaned back and began translating his chants and incantations to me. Vivian was repeating the same thing over and over; the phrase “May they suffer.” I knew that I only had a few more seconds of life. The situation was hopeless and I began to pray that God would deliver me. My stomach was sick with anxiety. Vivian began to throw various powders and dead plants into the fire. This created a thick smoke masking my vision. Smart and I began to cough and our eyes watered. Vivian continued to circle us as his incantation kept going. Changing the direction of his stride Vivian started to pace back and forth in front of me, his grass skirt periodically grazed my face. I began to glare into the flames and became fascinated by the colors of the fire. I heard Smart begin to laugh behind me. “What is going on?” I thought. I was shocked that Smart could be laughing.
“What are you laughing at?” I asked Smart in a condescending tone.
“I’m sorry Mr. Brain” Smart was fighting through the tears he was laughing so hard.
“It’s just…(laughter) da duck…(laughter) he is chasing da reflection”
Smart was barely able to finish the sentence before he started convulsing with joy. I glanced over at the duck that Smart was speaking about. It was running around the hut chasing something. It kept biting the floor and running into the wall. Soon I realized what was taking place. My pants were reflecting the light of the fire. Little concentrated beams of light were scattered on the floor and walls of the hut. The light of the fire had turned my pants into a disco ball. Every time I moved my legs the beams of light would also move. The duck was chasing one of the beams of light reflecting off of my pants. I couldn’t help but begin to laugh. Soon I was manipulating the beam of light the duck was chasing by moving my legs. I made the duck go wherever I wanted. Twice I made the duck run into the wall of the hut. Smart and I were laughing hysterically. “Wait” I thought. “This isn’t right. I shouldn’t be feeling so good.” Then the smoke lifted from my mind. Smart and I were completely high. Vivian’s magical powders that were thrown into the fire earlier had produced huge amounts of mind-expanding smoke. I leaned back and told Smart that we were on drugs. Smart laughed. While telling Smart to stop laughing I couldn’t help but laugh myself. Suddenly, Vivian’s chant changed. Smart leaned back and interpreted Vivian’s new curse for me.
“Your blood will spill, like a mighty river, before da sun rises.” Smart said. As Vivian cursed me he would periodically dip his hand into the wooden bowl he had set beside me earlier. Shortly after he would cock back his hand and slap my face. Soon both of my cheeks were red; covered with feathers, and stunk like raw chicken.
“I curse yo goats, and yo chickens an yo cattle. May rain never fall on yo fields. May yo wife’s breast never produce milk an yo children starve.” Smart chuckled as he continued the interpretation. He knew that I did not have chickens, goats, fields, a wife, or children. I guess that didn’t matter because Vivian still slapped me.
“…and I curse you Brian, friend of Kathy, may all that you love perish in infinite darkness.” Vivian stopped speaking then slapped me for the last time. Soon after Smart stopped translating. Vivian grabbed a goat. He positioned the goat’s neck directly in front of my face. Then he pulled out a long machete. I knew what was coming. The goat’s jugular vein was aimed to spray its contents all over me. This was going to be the third time in one day that I had had goat. Panicking, I looked around. All I saw was the duck chasing the beam. My eyes got wide. Vivian drew back the machete. Quickly, I positioned my legs so that a large beam of light that the duck had been chasing reflected off my pants and passed through Vivian’s grass skirt coming to rest on his testicles. The duck followed the beam and locked on to the condensed light like a ballistic missile. As the machete came down, the duck made contact with Vivian’s genitalia. Immediately, the machete dropped to the ground. Vivian’s jaw dropped and a lone tear trickled out of one eye. He then let out a scream so high pitched that it damaged my cochlea. The duck didn’t let go. It had finally caught the beam. Vivian turned and ran out of the hut still squealing. The duck dangled in between his legs and as he ran it bounced back and forth between his inner thighs. Regaining my senses, my hands strained for the machete. It had come to rest one half meter from my left side. Using all my strength I reached it. Moments later I had cut the ropes and both Smart and I had gained freedom. We exploded out of the hut going full speed and laughing. Turning to the left I saw Vivian killing the duck. To my right Vivian’s thugs were waking from their drunken stupor. Seeing the thugs reminded us of our danger. The joyful mood changed. Smart grabbed my arm. Moments later we were running full speed through a cornfield.
“He hates you Mr. Brain. He thinks Sister killed his brother.” Smart panted.
“What?” I replied. We stopped, coming to rest behind a log. Smart explained to me that Vivian’s brother had been killed in an automobile accident two years ago.
“Was Vivian’s brother a soldier?” I asked while I peeled the discolored picture off of my chest.
“Yes.” Smart said.
“Had Vivian’s brother taken a young girl hostage?” I asked while starring at the picture with disdain.
“How you know Mr. Brain?” Smart sounded surprised.
“I’ve heard this story before.” I replied. Smart continued to tell me about the connection. Vivian was in the army with his brother. He had participated in the kidnapping of the young girl that went to Kathy’s bible study. Vivian believed that Sister Kathy had put a curse on his brother the night he died. He hated and feared Sister. I tucked the picture into the pocket of my sweatshirt.
Voices began to close in on us. Vivian and his thugs had spread out and were moving through the field and approaching rapidly. Smart said that a main road was one hundred meters to the left of us. We began to run toward the road. “Zip-zip, zip-zip.” My pants refused to be silent. Fifty meters into the run Smart stopped us. We kneeled low.
“Yo pants, they are causing a… disturbance. They can hear you. They are following.” Smart looked distressed. His eyes darted back and forth to look behind him.
“What should I do?” I replied. Smart indicated that I needed to take my pants off. I agreed and the Hammer pants came off. I was now naked from the waist down. My underwear were back at Smart’s house covered with vomit. I tucked my Hammer pants underneath my arm. We got up cautiously, and then we ran. We hadn’t lost Vivian. The six men were right behind us. Suddenly as we ran, Smart disappeared in front of me. Moments later my foot hit an embankment and I fell. I found myself on top of Smart in the middle of a dirt road. Hearing a low rumble coming from my left side I knew that a large vehicle was approaching quickly. I looked to my left but all I could see was a blinding white light. Instinct took over and I covered myself with protection. That protection happened to be my pants. I lifted the shiny gold lame' up to the light and Smart and I each ducked under a pant leg, we cowered as our bodies froze in the middle of the road. Miraculously, the light vanished and I felt the wind hit my face as the vehicle barely missed me. Shortly after, the sound of bending metal and screaming echoed behind me. I