The Adventures of Gil Blas of Santillane, Alain René le Sage [most read books .txt] 📗
- Author: Alain René le Sage
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of which we could make neither head nor tail. He took notice of
our wonder, and said with a smile: I will lay a wager, neither
Don Raphael nor all the colleges of soothsayers upon earth can
guess why I have bought these articles. With this fling at our
dulness, we untied the bundle, and lectured on the intrinsic
value of what we had been considering only as an empty pageant.
In the inventory was a cloak and a black gown of trailing
dimensions; doublets, breeches, and hose to correspond; an
inkstand and writing paper, such as a secretary of state need not
be ashamed of; a key, such as a treasurer might carry; a great
seal and green wax, such as a chancellor might affix to his
decrees. When he had at length exhausted the display of his
bargains, Don Raphael observed in a bantering tone — Faith and
troth, Master Ambrose, it must be confessed that you have made a
good sensible speculation. But pray, how do you mean to turn the
penny on your purchase? Let me alone for that, answered Lamela.
All these things cost me only ten pistoles, and it shall go hard
but they bring us in above five hundred. The tens in five hundred
are fifty; a good improvement of money, my masters! I am not a
man to burden myself with a trumpery pedlar’s pack; and to prove
to you that I have not been making ducks and drakes of our joint
stock, I will let you into the secret of a plan which has just
taken birth in my pericranium.
After having laid in my stock of bread, I went into a cook’s
shop, where I ordered a range of partridges, chickens, and young
rabbits, half-a-dozen of each, to be put instantly on the spit.
While these relishing little articles were roasting, in came a
man in a violent passion, open-mouthed against the coarse conduct
of a tradesman to his consequential self. This faggot of fury
observed to the lord paramount of the dripping-pan: By St James!
Samuel Simon is the most wrong-headed retail dealer in the town
of Xelva. He has just insulted me in his own shop before his
customers. The skinflint would not trust me for six ells of
cloth, though he knows very well that my credit is as good as the
bank, and that no one could say he ever lost anything by me. Are
not you delighted with the outlandish monster? He has no
objection to getting people of fashion on his books. He had
rather toss up heads or tails with them, than oblige a plain
citizen in an honest way, and be paid in full at the time
appointed. What a strange whim! But he is an infernal Jew. He
will be taken in some day or other! All the merchants on the
Exchange are lying in wait to catch him upon the hip; and his
disgrace or ruin will be nuts to me.
While this reptile of the warehouse was thus spitting his spite
and blurting out many other ill-natured innuendoes, there came
over me a sort of astrological anticipation that I should be lord
of the ascendant over this Samuel Simon. My friend, said I to the
man who was complaining against that hawker of damaged goods, of
what character is the strange fellow you are talking about? Of a
confoundedly bad character, answered he in a pet, Depend on it,
he is one of the most extortionate usurers in existence, though
with the affectation of not letting his left hand know what his
right gives away in charity. He was a Jew, and has turned
Catholic; but rip your way into his heart if he has any, and you
will find him still as inveterate a Jew as ever Pilate was. As
for his conversion it was all in the way of trade.
I took in with greedy ear the whole invective of the shopkeeping
declaimant, and failed not, on coming out of the eating-house, to
inquire for Samuel Simon’s residence. A person directed me to the
part of the town, and there was no difficulty in finding out the
house. It was not enough to skim my eye cursorily over his shop.
I peered into every hole and corner of it; and my imagination,
always on the alert when any profit is to be picked up, has
already engendered a rogue’s trick, which only waits the period
of gestation, when it may turn out a bantling not unworthy to be
fathered by the sanctimonious servant of Signor Gil Blas.
Straightway went I to the ready-made warehouse, where I bought
these dresses, into which we may stuff an inquisitor, a notary,
and an alguazil, and play the parts in the spirit of the solemn
offices they represent.
Ah! my dear Ambrose, interrupted Don Raphael, transported with
rapture at the suggestion, what a wonderful idea! a glorious
scheme indeed! I am quite jealous of the contrivance. Willingly
would I blot out the proudest quarter from my escutcheon, to have
owned an effort of genius so transcendent. Yes, Lamela, I see, my
friend, all the rich invention of the design, and you need be at
no loss for instruments to carry it into effect. You want two
good actors to play up to you; and you have not far to look for
them. You have yourself a face that can look sanctified,
magisterial, or blood-thirsty at will, and may do very well to
represent the inquisition. My character shall be that of the
notary; and Signor Gil Blas, if he pleases, may enact the
alguazil. Thus are the persons of the drama distributed: to-morrow we will play the piece, and I will pledge myself for its
success, bating one of those unlucky chance medleys, which turn
awry the currents of the most pithy and momentous enterprises.
As yet Don Raphael’s masterpiece of roguery had made but a clumsy
impression on my plodding brain; but the argument of the fable
was developed at supper-time, and the hinge upon which it turned
was, to my mind, of an ingenious contrivance. After having
despatched part of our game, and bled our bottle to the last
stage of evacuation, we stretched our length upon the grass, and
soon fell fast asleep. Up with you! up with you! was the alarum
of Signor Ambrose, as the day begun to dawn. People who have a
great enterprise on hand ought not to indulge themselves in
indolence. A plague upon you, master inquisitor, said Don
Raphael, rubbing his eyes, you are confounded early on the move!
It is as good as an order for execution to master Samuel Simon.
Many a true word is spoken in jest, replied Lamela. Nay, you
shall know more, added he with a sarcastic grin. I dreamt last
night that I was plucking the hairs out of his beard. Was not
that a left-handed dream for him, master secretary? These
pleasant hits were followed by a thousand others, which called
forth new bursts of merriment. Our breakfast passed off with the
utmost gaiety; and when it was over, we made our arrangements for
the pageant we had got up. Ambrose arrayed himself in sables, as
befitted so ghostly an instrument for the suppression of vice. We
also took to our official habits; nor has the dignity of
magistracy been often more gravely represented than by Don
Raphael and myself. The making up of our persons was rather a
tedious operation; for it was later than two o’ clock in the
afternoon when we sallied from the wood to attend our call at
Xelva. It is true, there was no hurry, since the play was not to
begin till the setting-in of the evening. That being the case, we
jogged on leisurely, and stopped at the gates of the town till
the day was closed.
At that eventful hour, we left our horses where they were, to the
care of Don Alphonso, who was very well satisfied to have so
humble a cast in the distribution. As for Don Raphael, Ambrose,
and myself, our first visit was not to Samuel Simon in person,
but to a tavern-keeper who lived very near him. His reverence the
inquisitor walked foremost. In went he to the bar; and said
gravely to the landlord: Master, I want to speak a word with you
in private. The obsequious publican shewed us into a room, where
Lamela, now that we had got him to ourselves, said: I have the
honour to be an unworthy member of the holy office, and am come
here on a business of very great importance. At this intimation,
the man of liquor turned pale, and answered in a tremulous tone
that he was not conscious of having given any umbrage to the holy
inquisition. True, replied Ambrose with encouraging affability;
neither do we meditate any harm against you. Heaven forbid, that
august tribunal, too hasty in its punishments, should make no
distinction between guilt and innocence. It is unrelenting, but
always just: to become obnoxious to its vengeance, you must have
earned its displeasure by wickedness or contumacy. Be satisfied
therefore that it is not you who bring me to Xelva, but a certain
dealer and chapman, by name Samuel Simon. A very ugly story about
him has come round to us. He is still a Jew in his heart, they
say; and has only embraced Christianity from sordid and secular
motives. I command you, in the name of the tremendous court I
represent, to tell me all you know about that man. Beware how you
are induced by good neighbourhood, or possibly by close
friendship, to gloss over and palliate his errors; for, I warn
you authoritatively, if I detect the slightest prevarication in
your evidence, you are yourself even as one of the abandoned and
accursed. Where is my secretary? pursued he, turning down towards
Don Raphael. Sit down and do your duty.
Mr Secretary, with his paper already in his hand and his pen
behind his ear, took his seat most pompously, and made ready to
take down the landlord’s deposition; who promised solemnly on his
part not to suppress one tittle of the real fact. So far, so
good! said the worshipful commissioner; we have only to proceed
in our examination. You will only just answer my questions; but
do not interlard your replies with any comments of your own. Do
you often see Samuel Simon at church? I never thought of looking
for him, said the drawer of corks; but I do not know that I ever
saw him there in my life. Very good! cried the inquisitor. Write
down that the defendant never goes to church. I do not say so,
your worship, answered the landlord, I only say that I never
happened to see him there. We may have been at church together
and yet not have come across each other. My good friend, replied
Lamela, you forget that you are deposing to facts, and not
arguing. Remember what I told you; contempt of court is a heinous
offence. You are to give a sound and discreet evidence; every
iota of what makes against him, and not a word in his favour, if
you knew volumes. If that is your practice, O upright and
impartial judge, resumed our host, my testimony will scarcely be
worth the trouble of taking. I know nothing about the tradesman
you are inquiring after; and therefore can tell neither good nor
harm of him: but if you wish to examine into the history of his
private life, I will run and call Gaspard, his apprentice, whom
you may question as much as you please. The lad comes and takes
his glass here sometimes with his friends. Bless us, what a
tongue! He will rip up
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