My life's Story, Veronica Romero [urban books to read txt] 📗

Poetry, my only salvation. How I love writing new poems, it make feels like a new person, Music the one things that saves me from becoming crazy, well crazier than I already am.
Anyways, I’m Noemi, you don’t know me, which is good for you, I’m not the best kid. My parents say I’m the black sheep of the family(whatever that means). I feel like I don’t deserve love, I try to close out every one, why? Well I’ve been hurt so much before, woah my life’s every where, sorry about that, just thought I’d let you know a bit about myself.

So, it’s summer time and I just moved to Long Beach from Medford Oregon, Big change, I was born here In California and I sure missed these sunsets, until I moved back. I miss my friends, and my grandma(who decided to stay in Oregon). I miss the fallen trees and the snowy mountains All I have here is well, everything.

I think I’m in love, like you haven’t heard a fourteen year old girl say that before. Oh dear maybe I’m not. I’m confused, I don’t even know what love is. Honestly who knows what it is? Do you? Anyways his name is Tyler, he’s such a sweet guy but he lives 700 miles away from me. Which in a way is good, because that boy is a player, a fucking player he is, but I like him. Seems like I always fall for the douche bag, but doesn’t every girl?

Today was a horrible day, besides the fact that I have insomnia and cant sleep the hours I do sleep I toss and turn and have horrible nightmares, but besides that my day was horrible! My dad hit me because I guess I have a bad attitude which I know I do. I guess I just want attention from my family since my younger brother is eleven and gets all the attention cause he’s the ‘baby’ of the family. Whatever I could care less.

Wanna know something else about me? I used to smoke weed and pop oxycontin, How stupid I was right? Yeah I know, but it felt like it was my only salvation, until I started writing poetry, I recently started writing again when I realized my life was going to shit.

I have a best friend her name is Analise, and it seems since I moved states she’s the only one that cares, her and Brandon,. Brandon has been my best friend since the 2nd grade, he’s such a good friend that boy is, he listens to me, and he never interrupts he’s that kind of friend anyone would ask for. I love him, not in a romantic way, but as if he was my brother a protective older brother, and I know he loves me too.

Today was better, it was so sunny, and Tyler made me feel so special the way he talks to me, do I believe him? No., Well in a way I do, why would he want to hurt me? I’ve been nothing but good to him, he even told me he was falling in love with me, I’m so confused, Dear God help me, well if there even was a God.

There goes another problem, I have trust issues. It’s so very hard for me to trust people as I said before people have hurt me and backstabbed me, why? I don’t know. I try to be a good person to everyone but I’m not always the nicest. Yeah I’ve been called a bitch so many times before, does it bother me? Of course, it’s like a boy with out a father getting called a bastard, he knows it’s true, therefore ,..pain.

Today sucked, totally sucked! First mother nature decided to drop by again this month.. Literally, it felt like I pissed myself. I hate being on my period. Besides the fact I gain two pounds, to ugly fat pounds, honestly like I’m not big enough, I’m 5’5 and weigh 160 lbs. I know in your mind you picture an short, fat, ugly, girl. First of all I’m not fat, I’m just chubby and I’ve been losing weight very quickly! Which I am so proud of my self for,! 2nd I’m not short I’m average for my age, being only fourteen. 3rd I’m not ugly, I’m actually kind of pretty, beautiful even, at least that’s what Tyler and my ex-boyfriend call me.

Still on my period nothing new really. Mom bought me some new jeans I guess there pretty cool, I just realized I’ll be a freshman in like 3 weeks! Damn how time flies! Listening to Coldplay, they are such a good band! They tell it how it is, some of there songs really wanna make me burst out crying.

Today I was noticing the old scars on my arms, I’m very proud to say that I stopped cutting myself, I know cutting myself? Weird right,? No not at all, it was my way of letting my problems bleed out.. Literally.

I really want school to start! I know no one here,! I feel so alone,! Besides my friends in Oregon I have absolutely no one! What a poor loser I am.

Today I read over my diary, woah my life is more fucked up than I thought. I’ve been talking to Tyler everyday now. I really like him, but I don’t find it in me to believe any word that boy says.
I was drinking this really cold glass of water and it reminded me of this time when my dad rented a bout and we jumped into the cool water of the lake. The water wasn’t even cool, it was cold and I started to panic as if I was drowning, I guess I kind of feel like that know. My life, me drowning in my crazy life.

I hope one of these days I become a famous singer, I love singing and I’m good at too! I’m not bragging but I sang at our school talent show and everyone loved it! I was so proud! I also was casted as Lucy in a Charlie Brown play my ensemble class did! We did so well, but once again I got the part because I was a bitch, a grade-A acting bitch, with a good voice, I know deserved that part cause I worked hard for it! No matter what anyone said, I know I did good.

I cut myself today, why? I don’t know I think I missed the adrenaline it gave me, plus I haven’t taken my depression medicine in a month, that one of the main causes why I feel like shit. I know I’ll get past this slump, hopefully one day.

Do you believe in God? I don’t, maybe deep down I do, a little. Why I don’t believe in him? Because when I needed him, he wasn’t there, I need him now, again and he’s not here! Why cant he help me? If he is such a good God why cant he help? Am I not important enough?! Why do I even live, if not even a God will except me?!

I’m turning 15 in 5 months, I cant believe it! I’m becoming a woman! At least that is what Hispanics believe, so since I’m becoming a woman I decided to turn my life around! And I’m getting a new diary.
A new fresh clean diary. The sun is shining, it’s a brand new day! I know I’ll be okay!

Publication Date: 08-22-2011

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