"Nightingail", Gail Wagner [reading in the dark .txt] 📗

How well we communicate is determined not by how well we say things but by how well we are understood. --- Andrew S. Grove

 A man would do well to carry a pencil in his pocket, and write down the thoughts of the moment. Those that come unsought for are commonly the most valuable, and should be secured, because they seldom return. --- Francis Bacon

 The game of life is not so much in holding a good hand as playing a poor hand well. --- H. T. Leslie

 Great minds have purposes, others have wishes. --- Washington Irving

  "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim   

 "Every day should be passed as if it were to be our last." — Publilius Syrus  

 "It is only those who never do anything who never make mistakes." — A. Favre  

 "Whatever else there may be in our nature, responsibility toward truth is one of its attributes." — Arthur Eddington

 "The whole secret of existence is to have no fear. Never fear what will become of you, depend on no one. Only the moment you reject all help you are freed." — Buddha

 "I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today." — William White  

 "The feeble tremble before opinion, the foolish defy it, the wise judge it, and the skillful direct it." — Jeanne Roland  

 "Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward." — Vernon Law  

 "Life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it." — Charles SwindollFav

 "Love is the irresistible desire to be desired irresistibly." — Robert Frost  

 "Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained by incompetence." — Napoleon Bonaparte  

Life is a grindstone, and whether it grinds a man down or polishes him up depends on the stuff he's made of. --- Josh Billings

In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing. --- Theodore Roosevelt

Don't argue for other people's weaknesses. Don't argue for your own. When you make a mistake, admit it, correct it, and learn from it - immediately. --- Stephen R. Covey

Never look down to test the ground before taking your next step; only he who keeps his eye fixed on the far horizon will find his right road. --- Dag Hammarskjold

Have you learned lessons only of those who admired you, and were tender with you, and stood aside for you? Have you not learned great lessons from those who rejected you, and braced themselves against you, or disputed the passage with you? --- Walt Whitman

Who is the happiest of men? He who values the merits of others and in their pleasure takes joy, even as though it were his own. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

--- Ray Kroc

The longer I live, the more firmly convinced I become that the essential factor that lifts one man above his fellows in terms of achievement and success is his greater capacity for self-discipline. --- Ray Kroc

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”              ― Marilyn Monroe

“You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching, Love like you'll never be hurt, Sing like there's nobody listening, And live like it's heaven on earth.” ― William W. Purkey

“This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And baby, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soulmate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.” ― Marilyn Monroe

“Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect -and I don't live to be- but before you start pointing fingers... make sure your hands are clean!” ― Bob Marley

“I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.” ― Jimi Hendrix, Jimi Hendrix - Axis: Bold as Love

 I will be straight with you. My first kiss wasn't very special, much less my first time. I'm your seemingly average teenager but looks are quiet deceiving are they not? Yes like all we have our secrets that make us stick out so much from others. That we ignore our secrets and those who know them seems to just create an awkward atmosphere for all around. Like all others I like to keep my secrets in the dark. Never know who might stick their nose in the wrong place and ruin another’s life with a snap of someone’s fingers.

 See as I write this now I think of all the things that have come rushing into my life and how not all truth will be brought to life for the fact of the matter that I was not in all those places and only know what others have told me. I mean sure I could use my imagination but then that will only twist and bend the light of truth. But you all shall know what I know for is that not the best way to be told a story of this magnitude?

   Now my life wasn’t that bad, but nor was it the best. Everything that happens or happened was for the best in some way. Yes it made my life pure hell but if I think back on it, it prepared me for the things to come. I will apologize now for the way the story will jump all over the place for the fact that I write as I remember my life. You may say some of these events are quiet tragic and set off a chain of events. Heartbreak, pain, death, and a torn apart family.

To this day we are fighting to live, and survive, and it always seems the further we get in life the harsher things get, and we get kicked back down. I'm not rich. By far from it but I not downright street poor either. We have luxuries but not the money to live without boats load of stress. But every day I think to myself, at least I have a roof over my head. Not a very cheery thought though but it’s the truth of what has gotten me through life.

But I knew long ago that I would be faced with a rough life. We all know to get something you must give something. It’s the main rule of the business right? Well life is no different. To give a life the world takes one right out of someone’s fingertips. Perhaps a lover or a husband? Maybe an unborn child pays the price for your life. Well sometimes I think my payment came late, because not long after… Just a few years later, my uncle had lost his life, but that is a story for later. But I suffer and I know why. I faced death… And I won.

Quiet a scary thought I know, but even before I was born I fought to live. See I was supposed to be a miscarriage, but thankfully I lived, but once again a story for another time. The point is that I owe life a hefty debt and I slowly have to pay for it. I have yet to grow old yet, but I write this for the fact that I know I will most likely die at a ripe age. Quiet strangely the thought doesn’t scare me as much as I would expect. Yes I will miss all those I have passed, but I know I will see them again. I also am already adjusted to the fact that my death will hurt. But tis the reason I write this near my sixteenth birthday. But this probably will not make it far and the thought saddens me but I will always know I put it out there.

Now, I’ll be honest, I don’t have my mother in my life and surprisingly I’m happy about that. You will find out in the story but, I feel as if I should have added that as to lessen confusion when and if I talk of my father’s girlfriend. No she’s not my mother and I’m glad she’s not. I have a very strong dislike towards her. No she’s not dead or on her death bed. She left us. I do look forward to you hearing why because then you can understand why a child dislikes the person who gave them life.

With my brother I always feel as if he is ungrateful. I sacrifice so he and the family can have things, and my father has it worse when it comes to him. I try telling him that you cannot help those who will not accept the help, or will not help themselves. Those, in both of them, are my brother’s case. He refuses to get help to read and refuses to listen and it only digs our graves deeper because we all pay for his mistakes. Then he can’t even help himself. He is a terrible person when he drinks, and has horrible anger issues but will not admit to it then refuses to admit his mistakes.

My father has always been an anomaly to me when it comes to his thinking. I find we have yet to even really bond. We have different routes of how we do and think of things and have yet to agree on anything literally mutual. Perhaps we see the world differently or one of our eyes is not open, but then again I’d like to think that my eyes are always wide open. Tis this was not true, the point to have written this would have been utterly useless. I think occasionally we all like to close our eyes and just be blind for a moment though.

Now these people in the background, my Uncle Bobby from my dad’s side of the family, my Aunt Marcy, my