Bull or Not, John Pallister [books to read for beginners .TXT] 📗

Bulls**t or True

The following 3 short stories happened in my life. But I want you to determine which you think actually happened or which are completely Bull.


Optician Madness

At a very early age I was what you would call a bit “dopey” but this story always amuses people and I remember it a lot from many many years ago. I was extremely young can’t forget the exact age; It must have been my first ever eye test. The Optician had called me in and my Mum came in with me. After basic questions pleasantries and the general chit chat I was invited to do the pretty standard procedure of seeing what letters I could read from a distance. For example
C
D H I
F K L Z
T M U

“John put your left hand on your left eye and read out the letters too me from the top.”
“Ok” A polite very young boy replied.
“CDHIFKLZTMU”
“Very good, now john put your right hand on your right eye and do the same.”
To which I replied
“I can’t see anything.”
The optician laughed and never before had this happened to him at all. I had put the right hand over the right eye but still had my left hand over my left eye.
“Sorry you didn’t tell me to remove my left hand.”


Rules Of Engagement.

I never do anything simple, never by the book, either through being absent minded or having a chaotic personality, but this special story will not only be romantic but also bizarre.
It was a secret and excitement that I could hold and bare no longer. For months upon months of noodles and the cheapest food I could get my hands on, I’d finally saved enough to buy the ring. The timing was earlier then I had originally planned but the feelings were right and I was ready; Was she? I knew she would be deep down and the sacrifice of months of living on the complete cheap (I was already on a shoe string budget, but now I was on the bargain shoe laces).
The planning the over and over, it needed to be perfect. I found myself wandering to the supermarket at 3 in the morning buying candles mushrooms, potatoes, cheese and all the rest of the ingredients.
Very tired lack of sleep and a pulsating exciting heart, maybe 65 pulse. My pulse is very very low normally, I prepared the meal and got some rice out the cupboard. I hardly ever have rice, but I had some left over, when I checked it had the left overs of a few bugs (maggots or small flies of some thought.) Despite the added ingredient maybe being nutritional I decided that my Girlfriend being a vegetarian this wouldn’t go down well. I rushed to get some more and before long she had arrived.
The meal was prepared and I was so nervous, my forehead was sweating and a huge sweat patch had gone all down my shirt. I’ve never been so overwhelmed with excitement and nervousness continually. It was of coursed picked up on by my girlfriend I’d always been known to do stupid daft things in past. She joking asked if I’d got in the bath with all my clothes on. She knew something was happening but not what. After the meal we sat on the sofa and I blubbered it all out handing her the ring. She took it out the box and said it was very lovely. I asked the question (didn’t even go down on one knee). And she said “Yes” kissed me on cheek then just carried on the evening as if everything was normal or as if nothing had happened. To which I thought okay I’m confused. For reasons I won’t go into we decided I should hold onto the ring until there was more suitable time to wear it after it got adjust so it would not be lost.
I told my family the news and they were all very happy. Then my mum rang her up and congratulated her. She was confused and said she didn’t realise. After talking to me on the phone she said yes again and because she had no idea and the funny circumstances surrounding the proposal she was really shocked.
Let’s just say it’s the oddest sweetest but most bizarre proposal.


Sweet Cut

You may wonder why somebody thinks the worst when you come up with the weirdest excuse as to why you may be late or not coming to a New Year evening on a special date. That’s exactly what happened. While my girlfriend was getting ready pampering herself up; making herself even more beautiful then she already is, I was having a bath getting ready as planned. Around 9 o’clock a few minutes before I was about to leave, I decided that I wanted some sweets. Now if you are not familiar with Haribo they are little gummed sweets of different sizes designs. Each Pack is very small all packed together in one whole bumper pack of packaging. Frustratingly trying to rip open the big pack I decided that I would grab some scissors and pierce it. I opened up the scissors and stabbed at it. Don’t ask me how but the scissors slipped followed through and took a huge gash out my other hand. After brief initial pain I tried to stop the bleeding and put a towel around the wound. I rang up to tell somebody what had happened and also texted her number as she wasn’t answering stating
“I may be late as I have just cut my finger opening a pack of sweets with a pair of scissors.”
I proceeded to A and E.
It wasn’t too long to wait but cut wasn’t too severe but needed a few sticky stitches. She was in a right state however thinking she’d been stood up. My parents arrived to pick me and her up and managed to get into town an hour or so before midnight me wearing a huge bandage on one finger which looked comical.
This goes down as the worst excuse you could tell somebody if you were going to stand someone up; but in this case it happened.


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They were all true.

3 of some very memeorable strange memories of John Pallister's life

Text: Most of my covers incuding this one are all random pictures off the internet or the templated designs
Publication Date: 01-16-2012

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