Business Correspondence, Anonymous [classic reads .txt] 📗

opening paragraph of a letter typical in its lack of originality and attention-getting qualities:

 

“We are in receipt of yours of recent date and in reply wish to state that you will find under separate cover a copy of our latest catalogue, illustrating and describing our Wonder Lighting System. We are sure the information contained in this catalogue will be of interest to you.”

 

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Not only is the paragraph devoid of interest-getting features, but it is written from the wrong standpoint—“we” instead of “you.”

Rewrite the paragraph and the reader is certain to have his interest stimulated:

 

“The catalogue is too large to enclose with this letter and so you will find it in another envelope. You will find on page 4 a complete description of the Wonder System of Lighting, explaining just how it will cut down your light bill. This system is adapted to use in stores, factories, public halls and homes—no matter what you want you will find it listed in this catalogue.”

 

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Then it is possible to secure attention by some familiar allusion, some reference to facts with which the reader is familiar:

 

“In our fathers’ day, you know, all fine tableware was hand forged—that meant quality but high cost.”

 

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The opening statement secures the assent of the reader even before he knows what the proposition is. Sometimes an allusion may be introduced that does not come home so pointedly to the reader but the originality of the idea appeals to him. By its very cleverness he is led to read further. Here is the beginning of a letter sent out by an advertising man and commercial letter writer:

 

“The Prodigal Son might have started home much sooner had he received an interesting letter about the fatted calf that awaited his coming.

“The right sort of a letter would have attracted his attention, aroused his interest, created a desire and stimulated him to action.”

 

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Then there is the opening that starts out with an appeal to human interest. It is the one opening where the writer can talk about himself and still get attention and work up interest:

 

“Let me tell you how I got into the mail order business and made so much money out of it.”

 

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“I wish I could have had the opportunity thirty years ago that you have today. Did I ever tell you how I started out?”

 

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“I have been successful because I have confidence in other people.”

 

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“I was talking to Mr. Phillips, the president of our institution, this morning, and he told me that you had written to us concerning our correspondence course.”

 

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These personal touches bring the writer and reader close together and pave the way for a man-to-man talk.

Then there is a way of getting attention by some novel idea, something unusual in the typography of the letter, some unusual idea. One mailorder man puts these two lines written with a typewriter across the top of his letterheads:

 

“EVEN IF YOU HAD TO PAY TO SECURE A COPY OF THIS LETTER—OR HAD TO TAKE A DAY OFF TO READ IT—YOU COULD NOT AFFORD TO FAIL TO CONSIDER IT.”

 

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Few men would receive a letter like that without taking the time to read it, at least hurriedly, and if the rest of the argument is presented with equal force the message is almost sure to be carried home.

Another mailorder house sending out form letters under one-cent postage, inserts this sentence directly under the date line, to the right of the name and address:

 

“Leaving our letter unsealed for postal inspection is the best proof that our goods are exactly as represented.”

 

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The originality of the idea impresses one. There is no danger that the letter will be shunted into the waste basket without a reading.

There are times when it is necessary to disarm the resentment of the reader in the very first paragraph, as, for instance, when there has been a delay in replying to a letter. An opening that is all too common reads:

 

“I have been so extremely busy that your letter has not received my attention.”

 

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Or the writer may be undiplomatic enough to say:

 

“Pardon delay. I have been so much engaged with other matters that I have not found time to write you.”

 

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The considerate correspondent is always careful that his opening does not rub the wrong way. One writer starts out by saying:

 

“You have certainly been very patient with me in the matter of your order and I wish to thank you for this.”

 

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Here are the first five paragraphs of a two-page letter from an investment firm. The length of the letter is greatly against it and the only hope the writer could have, would be in getting the attention firmly in the opening paragraph:

 

“My dear Mr. Wilson:

“I want to have a personal word with you to explain this matter.

“I don’t like to rush things; I believe in taking my time. I always try to do it. I want you to do the same thing, but there are exceptions to all rules: sometimes we cannot do things just the way we want to and at the same time reap all the benefits.

“Here is the situation. I went out to the OIL FIELDS OF CALIFORNIA and while there I DID DEVOTE PLENTY AND AMPLE TIME TO PROPER INVESTIGATION. I went into the thing thoroughly. I went there intending to INVEST MY OWN MONEY if I found things right.

“My main object in leaving for California was to INVESTIGATE FOR MY CLIENTS, but I would not advise my clients to invest THEIR money unless the situation was such that I would invest MY OWN money. That’s where I stand—first, last and all the time.

“I don’t go into the torrid deserts in the heat of the summer and stay there for weeks just for fun. There is no fun or pleasure to it, let me tell you. It’s hard work when one investigates properly, and I surely did it right. I guess you know that.”

 

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The letter is not lacking in style; the writer knows how to put things forcibly, but he takes up half a page of valuable space before he says anything vital to his subject. See how much stronger his letter would have been had he started with the fifth paragraph, following it with the fourth paragraph.

The great weakness in many letters is padding out the introduction with non-essential material. It takes the writer too long to get down to his proposition. Here is a letter from a concern seeking to interest agents:

 

“We are in receipt of your valued inquiry and we enclose herewith full information in regard to the E. Z. Washing Compound and our terms to agents.

“We shall be pleased to mail you a washing sample post-paid on receipt of four cents in two-cent stamps or a full size can for ten cents, which amount you may subtract from your first order, thus getting the sample free. We would like to send you a sample without requiring any deposit but we have been so widely imposed upon by ‘sample grafters’ in the past that we can no longer afford to do this.”

 

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The first paragraph is hackneyed and written from the standpoint of the writer rather than that of the reader. The second paragraph is a joke. Seven lines, lines that ought to be charged with magnetic, interest-getting statements, are devoted to explaining why ten cents’ worth of samples are not sent free, but that this “investment” will be deducted from the first order. What is the use of saving a tencent sample if you lose the interest of a possible agent, whose smallest sales would amount to several times this sum?

It is useless to spend time and thought in presenting your proposition and working in a clincher unless you get attention and stimulate the reader’s interest in the beginning. Practically everyone will read your opening paragraph—whether he reads further will depend upon those first sentences.

Do not deceive yourself by thinking that because your proposition is interesting to you, it will naturally be interesting to others. Do not put all your thought on argument and inducements—the man to whom you are writing may never read that far.

Lead up to your proposition from the reader’s point of view; couple up your goods with his needs; show him where he will benefit and he will read your letter through to the postscript. Get his attention and arouse his interest—then you are ready to present your proposition.

 

How To Present Your PROPOSITION

PART II—HOW TO WRITE THE LETTER—CHAPTER 6

 

After attention has been secured, you must lead quickly to your description and explanation; visualize your product and introduce your proof, following this up with arguments. The art of the letter writer is found in his ability to lead the reader along, paragraph by paragraph, without a break in the POINT of CONTACT that has been established. Then the proposition must be presented so clearly that there is no possibility of its being misunderstood, and the product or the service must be coupled up with the READER’S NEEDS

How this can be done is described in this chapter

 

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After you have attracted attention and stimulated the interest of the reader, you have made a good beginning, but only a beginning; you then have the hard task of holding that interest, explaining your proposition, pointing out the superiority of the goods or the service that you are trying to sell and making an inducement that will bring in the orders. Your case is in court, the jury has been drawn, the judge is attentive and the opposing counsel is alert—it is up to you to prove your case.

Good business letter, consciously or unconsciously usually contains four elements: description, explanation, argument and persuasion. These factors may pass under different names, but they are present and most correspondents will include two other elements—inducement and clincher.

In this chapter we will consider description, explanation and argument as the vehicles one may use in carrying his message to the reader.

An essential part of all sales letters is a clear description of the article or goods—give the prospect a graphic idea of how the thing you are trying to sell him looks, and this description should follow closely after the interest-getting introduction. To describe an article graphically one has got to know it thoroughly: the material of which it is made; the processes of manufacture; how it is sold and shipped—every detail about it.

There are two extremes to which correspondents frequently go. One makes the description too technical, using language and terms that are only partially understood by the reader. He does not appreciate that the man to whom he is writing may not understand the technical or colloquial language that is so familiar to everyone in the house.

For instance, if a man wants to install an electric fan in his office, it would be the height