More Than Life, Breana G [books to get back into reading TXT] 📗

Father hung his head down while mother dug her face into my brothers arm. My grandma sniffled and wrapped her hand around her husband's hand. I looked down upon everyone, not having the ability to cry along with everyone else in the big, white church. My friends and acquaintances sat on the left side of the church. My closest friends were in the front row. At the end of the row, next to the wall, there was enough room for one more person though.

I scanned around, looking for one person in particular. I wondered if that was where he was going to be seated. Hearing a loud sobber come walking through the arche way in the back of the room, Jan, my best friend, staggered in with her family. The main speaker for the funeral lead the way for Jan to sit in the front row. I began to choke up a bit. I wondered where Sheldon was. I looked everywhere for him, but couldn't see him. 

I then looked down at myself. My eyes were closed and I couldn't bare the thought of myself dead. But, right in front of me, I was settled in a soft, cozy blue coffin. My hands were rested on my stomach as my fake hair was spread evenly around my head and over my shoulders. I was wearing my favorite white dress that hung above my knees. My nails were painted the color red, while my face had barely any makeup on it. 

I blinked in disgust. I wanted people to see me beside my coffin. I wanted people to know that I was still alive! At least I still thought I was...

As my eyes began to water, but nothing would flow out, I watched as the main speaker stepped up to the podium. He adjusted the microphone so it would stick out just a foot away from his lips. He cleared his throat and the church went silent. 

"We are gathered here today to respect the passing of this beautiful, sweet, one of a kind young women, Estell. All of us here today have shared memories with her, and she is definitely someone we will never forget," he took a deep breath and tapped the hard wood he had his hands rested on. 

His voice went silent in my ears as he began to speak again. I glanced up at the arche way and noticed someone slide in. Squinting my eyes, I noticed it was Sheldon. I waved my hands and tried to smile, but couldn't. I did everything I could to get his attention, but I had to stop myself, remembering he couldn't see me; nobody could. 

Sheldon stood against the wall, next to plenty of others. Many people stood along the walls that surrounded the benches in the church. I had no clue that, that many people cared.

Scrunching my eyebrows together, I swiftly made my way through the aisle way. I honestly didn't expect Sheldon to show up. I had many reasons on why, too.

One: he dumped me in early October, and it had been months since we've last spoken a long conversation or anything.

Two: he was too scared and upset to even see me while I was in the hospital.

Three: we only spoke a few times on the phone while I was in the hospital, and he always had to get off the phone because something usually "came up".

Four: He never came and saw me.

Five: He stopped loving me a long time ago. At least I'm assuming so.

(There's many more reasons, but I don't want to list every single one out.) 

I stood next to Sheldon. I never thought I'd stand next to him again, since the last time we saw each other was early September. He was shaking and his eyes were watery. I stood on my tippy toes and moved my lips to his ears. He closed his eyes as if he knew something was going to be said to him.

"Please don't cry," I whispered. 

Sheldon's eyes quickly swung open and he looked around. I slightly smiled as my eyes filled up with tears. I questioned myself on whether he heard me or not. But, as he touched his ear and gulped, and looked in my direction, I stuck with 'he did hear me'.

"He dumped you?!" Nick asked with loudness included in the tone of his voice.

I nodded my head and slightly chuckled, "yeah. He had some stupid reasons, too."

Nick sat down, along with me, at our usual table. "Well, what were his reasons?"

I cleared my throat and then let out a sigh, "he said he didn't like the distance between us, which is a stupid excuse, because he's the one who practically begged me to be his girlfriend, and what do you expect out of a long distance relationship? You obviously can't see each other every day." I paused to shake my head, "then he said he just wanted to be friends."

"Are you serious?" Nick questioned, taking a bite out of his sandwich.

I bit my bottom lip, nodding my head again, "yeah, and what I don't understand is, if he meant it when he said he loved me, why didn't he just ignore the distance like how I have been these past couple years? I mean, come on! He either was desperate to have a girlfriend, or he just wanted to hurt me again. From the stories he's told me, it seems as if he enjoys hurting others."

"Are you just now realizing he's a douche?" 

I shrugged, "I mean, I've always known he was, but I never wanted to admit it, you know? I just don't wanna see that side of Sheldon. Only because he was so sweet to  me-"

Nick waved his hand in my face, quickly swallowing his food, which was rude, but it was a good way to make me stop talking, "no, no, no. Cheating on you or dumping you twice is not sweet. He is not sweet. Don't ever, and I mean it, call him sweet again. Never put him in the same sentence as sweet. Those two things do not mix well together." Nick took a drink out of his plastic water bottle and shook his head, "now, I'm not an expert on him, nor do I even know him, but he's not a swell guy it seems like. It's best you completely call it off with him. Tell him tonight you don't wanna talk again, or at least until you're over him."

I laughed, throwing my head back. I stomped the floor and grabbed my stomach. Then, suddenly going back into all-seriousness, I began to speak, "um, I've been trying to get over him for like the past two years. That boat's already sunken a long time ago, and it'll never rise up again. I don't think I'll ever get over him."

"See, all you girls are the same. You obviously have never tried since you took him back twice. Hell! You took him back after he cheated on you! God knows if he cheated on you this last relationship!"

Anger began to structure up inside me. Nick was partially right on what he had said. The part he was correct on was the "cheating" part. He could have cheated on me again. It wouldn't be a surprise, just because A: once a cheater, always a cheater! And B: it was such a random breakup, but it was also obvious the few days before he dumped me, if that makes sense? But, the part he wasn't correct on was the "you obviously have never tried" part. Of course I've tried! Maybe I didn't try hard enough, but I did my best. Honestly, in my opinion, Sheldon's just an irresistable guy.

"Sorry if I blew your buzz down, but I'm your friend. I can't just lie and spill out sweet words all  the time." 

Nick was right. I needed to know the blunt expressions and thoughts in life on different things. Not everything's going to come easy or free. 

"Hey guys!" I heard from behind me. 

I turned around in notice of Nick's older brother, David. "Hey," I said.

He sat down, putting his white foam tray on the table, "everyone'll be here in a few. There's a football meeting right now."

I nodded, wondering how the guys were going to act once they got to the table. Most days they were noisy, while others they were calm and chatted about football or some other sport. 

For a few moments, things were silent between the three of us. David being the most obnoxious one, I assumed he would've said something by then. I glanced over at Nick, who was finishing up his sandwich and drinking the last bit of his water. Then I glanced at David. His lips were straight, which was rare, and he was slightly pale, which was a little out of the ordinary.

"What's wrong, David?" I asked.

Nick shot his head up and looked at me, then David.

David cleared his throat and put his milk carton down on the tray after opening it, "what do you mean?"

"Today's Wednesday. You guys usually have meetings on Friday's. You're awfully pale, you're not smiling, and you're really quiet, which isn't usual," I explained.

In the corner of my eye, I could see Nick pick at his carrots. He was looking down, as well as David. Something was most definitely up. I then realized Nick wasn't at the meeting. I was suddenly confused.

Hearing a sigh come from David, I looked up at him. He was clenching his jaw together and his knuckles were turning white. I felt as if he was getting mad at me for pointing out the obvious, so I kept my mouth shut and snuck a carrot from Nick's little bag and nibbled at it until the rest of the guys got to the table.

I stood next to the football players locker room door, in hopes Nick and David would be out before they had to go to the field. But, before the deep thoughts of Nick could sink in, the smell of coffee coming closer to me had my undivided attention.

Turning my head, I noticed Jan holding two white chocolate ice mocha's from Starbucks. I slightly smiled as she handed me one, "my mom went into town and decided to get us some coffee. Enjoy."

"Tell her I said thanks," I