numb, ithuriel [english readers .txt] 📗

As im writing this i feel nervous. i dont know whether its the write thing to do or if its just some horrible mistake. i dont know who will read this, i dont know how they will react,
will they laugh?
will they cry?
will they understand...?

Well lets start with the formalities.
My name.. is A.
Just an A no other letters are necessary simple and direct. i live a quite normal life. i have a mother and a father and i even have a brother as well. we all live a quite life in a quite town. ideally i would be your model student, good grades, good friends, good goals. I thought thats what i had. I thought my life was right on track. I thought I was the ideal person.
was i wrong?
Its always like this, no? you see a perfect family who looks happy they were like a picture that would always smile no matter how old it got.
but once that family is alone, once that family has no one looking, they fall..
but this isnt about my family, no, this is about the girl that stands with that perfect family and says she has that perfect life when in reality she is broken..

maybe i broke officially ( hmm..does it ever become official?) when i was young.
Or maybe you cant break if you never knew that you needed to be fixed? maybe this was the first crack that appears in a glass mirror, its small, but now its prone to even more cracks, until it shatters.
it was before school years, before a child ever needed to be taught about it. before i even needed to know these feelings.

See, i had a neighbor.
She was a nice enough girl, she was a tomboy and was a couple years older than i was. I remember her coming to my house to play. We would play with my barbie dolls in my room and pretended they were married and kissing. One day we were doing just that and thats when she asked me.
----------------------

"Hey, have you ever done that before?"

"Done what?" i asked confused i looked at my barbie doll lying gently in my hand and looked up again when she spoke.
"Kissed someone."

she said with curiosity.
"Nah. Im still a kid, thats for grown ups." I said remembering mommy telling me that when i asked about it when she read me stories.
"So you've never ever done it?"

she asked getting closer.
"nope."
"really? huh,well... ok lets play a game. its a fun game but we cant let any grownups know ok?"

she said.
"ok."
she pushed me on the ground and i was about to cry but when she climbed on top of me she swallowed my tears with her lips crashing down on mine. i try to fight my way out of this suffocating embrace but she doesnt let me go. im confused and scared i could feel her hand going up my mickey mouse shirt and my face reddens. she finally takes a breath and looks at me and says.....

"isnt this fun?"

Publication Date: 01-21-2012

All Rights Reserved

Dedication:
to myself