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The time we are together only deepens my love for her because i have sensed that she has become more tender to me, more responsive and even sweet. One time she even let me hold her hand while walking back to the hotel from the beach. I did not initiate the act. She accidentally touched my hand, and as a reflex, i grabbed it and she did not try to withdraw. A chill went down my spine when i held her hand in mine, because that was our first and physical contact. I let go of her hand when we enter the lobby.

 

That final night together, we sit longer than usual at the dining table after the meal. Like always, there is no one around us. Only the silence and the empty tables and chairs. I look into her eyes and i think i see sadness. When she catches my look, she lowers her eyelids and stares at the tabletop. The clerk keeps coming over to refill my beers. I think about the next morning.

 

-I will never forget you, I say, and i am sorry about the pain and worries i cause your family.

-It's ok, she whispers.

 

Silence. And it is so quiet that i can hear the clock ticks.

 

-Can you forgive me? I say.

-I already forgive you ..... and ....

 

I am waiting for the words.

 

- .... i think i am going to miss you ....

 

Those words hurt me more than anything.

 

We go back to the room. I turn off the light and close my eyes. The pain is heavy in my chest. During the night, she comes over and lies with me. I am not surprised, i even anticipate that she would do this, and more. She buries her head in my chest, and suddenly, she sobs. Like the most natural thing in the world to do, I hug her very tight and kiss her on her forehead, and run my fingers through her hairs. She takes my hands and places them on her breasts. Naked. I feel the rhythm of her heartbeats. I have an erection and it hurts bad. It aches, desiring an outlet, but not just any outlet, it wants to enter her. She breaths heavily. I bring my hands down to her belly and caress it, and slowly i go further down to between her quivering legs and i feel her pubic hairs brushing on my hand and it is wet. She turns, wraps her arms around me, and sinks her fingernails into my back and her breaths is getting more urgent.

 

No.

 

I sit up, carry her trembling body back to her bed. Then i return to mine.

In the dark and in the stillness of the night, her sobs become increasingly distant. I don't know if i am dreaming or awake. I can't be sure anymore.

 

 

(End)

 

 

 

 

 

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Publication Date: 12-01-2020

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