Voids Fill Up Differently, Students of IACT [great book club books txt] 📗

met in college. I remember the first time seeing her like it was just yesterday, we were in different classes but I’d always see her around during lunch breaks and I knew I started getting some sort of interest in her.  I found myself just staring at her so many times each day now that it's become really obvious.

There wasn’t really an explanation to why I noticed her out of all the other girls here. She didn't look much different from the rest. I guess she dressed better? Maybe it’s the way she talks to people? Whatever, I know that I want her and I decided to try and go for her.

Call me a weirdo but all the staring gave me a rough idea of what her regular day at college was like. She sits away from the rest of the crowd with the rest of her friends. I like that, makes me feel like she wouldn't want to get involved with other guys, especially Nathan and John. Those nuts have enough desperate chicks chasing them down.

This may sound weird but believe me, everyone does it. I told my friend that Jane from class B kept staring at me during lunch and that it felt like she wanted to take me home even if it meant I went in the trunk. So, like the smartass that I am, I convinced them to sit at this spot that was 2 tables away from ‘her’. This gave me the opportunity to learn more about her…. And just stare more.

        As the days went by, It became more obvious to my table that there was another reason for sitting here away from the rest of the fun. I couldn’t care less honestly if they asked. I just wanted to enjoy my view. I noticed that from the way they were looking at me, It seemed like the apes figured it out.

“So, who’s the lucky girl?” asked my best friend, Jefri.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I said with a smirk, knowing exactly what he’s talking about.

“Or should I say,” A mischievous grin spread across his face as he crossed his arms and leaned back into the chair, already knowing the reason behind my actions. “The unlucky girl?” Making the rest of our friends burst out laughing.

God, I hated them at times like these. Their faces reminded me of the Hyena’s from the Lion King.

 “Yeah, so I like someone. Big deal.” I said.

“Of course it’s a big deal! You’ve never liked anyone before!” said my other friend Tom, louder than he should have.

That statement, for the most part, is true. I’ve never been too attracted to anyone before. All of the girls in this college looked more or less the same to me anyway. However, I started to notice how different she was than the rest. She wasn’t your typical gossip girl, or wannabe Instagram model or even a nerd. They way she talked to her friends, made me feel weird, but attracted. YES I KNOW, IT’S WEIRD.

I often studied the situation to see if I could squeeze myself into talking to her or adjusted the way I looked whenever she looked over. I have my good sides too, it doesn't just apply to girls. Whenever I showered, I’d think of things to ask her like pickup lines. You wanna hear one? Of course you do, “ Knock knock, who’s there? What, when. What, when, who? Date, Friday night, You and me.” I'm a poet aren't I?

 

The perfect opportunity finally came when I saw her rushing to clear out her food tray. I was making my way back from the basketball court, not expecting to see her of all people. Alone, most importantly. Where were her friends? The rest of the students had already made their way back to class, as there were only a couple of minutes left until lunch ended. I’m always late for class anyway, but I wasn’t expecting her to be. I cleared my throat, brushed my hair and prayed that she had some sort of sinus attack that day. Deodorant is important guys. With all that aside, I worked up the courage to finally talk to her. Out of excitement, I ran over, but played it cool of course.

“You’re not usually the kind to be running late to class.”

She turned to meet my eyes, but I couldn't keep mine on hers. “I… yeah well my friends aren’t here,” she said. “And I was up in the library and I kinda lost track of time.”

“Oh, that’s alright I’m sure your teachers wouldn’t mind.”

She let out the most bubbly nervous giggle I’ve ever heard. “I’m not so sure about that.”

“I’m Michael, by the way”

“Of course I know, you’re the guy from the table that started sitting near mine!” She giggled. I felt really awkward and thought she figured I was a creep, but that thought brushed away when she said, “My name's Amelia by the way” with very bright smile.

With that, we took our own sweet time to stroll back to class, completely forgetting that we were late for class. She continued to tell me how the girls love gossiping about the guys and she’s heard my name pop up a couple times and how they noticed I brought the guys over to the new seat. At that moment, I knew my gay friend Jeff was right, I really am hot.

Without realizing, we made a couple of rounds around the college compound, but soon

realized that we had been absent from class for too long. Without hesitation, I asked her for her social media handles but asked for too many options, that it may have came off as weird. She giggled. Before she went into her class, she gave them to me with a cheeky smile and set foot into her classroom. ‘You better not forget!!” she reminded me again along with her soft voice.

After class, I headed home without a second thought. It felt like the new basketball shoes I ordered online had finally been delivered. As I made my way to my room, I leapt onto the bed and began thinking about what I should say first.

3 Hours had passed, and I still could not think of what to say. GOD, was it really so difficult for me to start a conversation then? Thoughts worried through my head, “Would she be thinking that I wasn’t interested? Was she talking to some other guy instead? Do I make her feel like she isn't important?” My sister walked into the room and grabbed my phone from me. “ There you go, idiot.” she said. I looked at my phone and she had sent a simple “Hey” to Amelia. Apparently those thoughts weren’t just in my head, I was saying them out loud. Yeesh, that's embarrassing.

            As we started talking, we immediately clicked. We had so much in common. We’d talk for hours everyday, and eventually we knew each other like the back of our hands. We each knew our deepest secrets, fears, and dreams. In a matter of weeks, I asked her to be my girlfriend, although everyone already thought that we were already together. To everyone else, we looked like the perfect couple.

And we were, I guess. But after some time, she started showing her true colours. I had this feeling that Amelia was just keeping me by her side for the sake of not being alone. I was just convenient company to her. My friends warned me about her, saying how girls usually string guys along just for the fun of it. I ignored their warnings because I was that much in love with her. I wouldn’t let the petty opinions of single guys take me away from my relationship.

I decided to bring her out with Jefri and the gang to see if she needed some extra company to make her forget about whatever it was that was bothering her. I was thoughtful enough to bring her out with my friends, even though they probably can't relate with her too much. While we were out, Jefri and his pal Adam were diehard Marvel fans and decided to strike up a conversation about The Avengers movie. When Amelia overheard, she made an attempt to fit in and said that she was also a fan of  the “ Marvelverse” or whatever you call it. I didn’t want her to feel like she was alone in it so I pretended as if I knew a thing or two about it as well. I've watched enough of their movies to make comments for sure.

When I made a comment about Chris Evans being the best possible cast for Iron Man, she corrected me with an absolutely arrogant tone saying that the cast for Iron Man was Robert Downey Jr. Like come on, anyone could make that mistake, and here she is trying to  make them think like she’s an actual fan. Luckily, I was calm and just laughed it off with them. I didn’t like how arrogant she was being, and who's to say she won't do it again, so out of love, I told her off.

“You don’t have to be such a fake bitch just to impress my friends you know.” I said.

Knowing that she was wrong, Amelia didn’t say a word. She kept the silence from breaking any further on the ride back home. I figured she’d thank me and apologize later, but I set my expectations of her too high I guess. That wasn’t the only thing she’s done to piss me off.      

    I told her that her friends were a bad influence on her. All they ever want to do is go shopping in malls to see clothes, watch movies and all that crap. They do absolutely nothing but waste her time, especially when she could be spending her time with me. I knew her best friend Dylan was trying to snatch her from me, giving her rides home and buying her study food. So I told her to stop going out with him. She even got mad at me just because some fine girl in the gym was asking me to see if her squatting form was right. I bet she was just super jealous. She’s already 22 years old, come on, grow up already you immature girl.

        As each day went on, she started replying to my texts every few hours and even refused to go out on dates with me. To me it seemed like a red flag that our love for each other was cleary fading. She’d often use the excuse that she “needed to study” just because finals were coming up in like 2 weeks?? She was smart enough to get a scholarship for college, why does she need to study so much? Another lame excuse she would use is that she had to spend time with her family because they were gonna go away for a long business trip. Clearly there was something going on with Amelia that I did not know about.

To this day, she barely wants to be seen with me. It’s obvious that she’s embarrassed of me, never showing me off to her friends anymore. We were from different worlds and she probably felt like I was far beneath her. It’s been days since we’ve properly talked to each other. She made little to no attempt to contact me. Her lack of communication showed how much she didn’t care. I can’t believe she could just do that to someone she cared about… used to.

I’ve been thinking long and hard about why she does these kind of things. I texted her and waited a few minutes to see what’d she say but after coming out short I figured she probably didn’t even care.

How did we come to this? Why did we let this happen? Where did we go wrong? I put in so much effort into this relationship. I remind myself as I try to connect the dots. I googled “Important questions