Voids Fill Up Differently, Students of IACT [great book club books txt] 📗

 Trust In Me, Trust In You

Vanessa Shane, Daniel Tan, Hakim, Vee Thong

As the night falls, the sound of the Azan from the mosque could be heard echoing in the air breaking any silence. It is time for the Muslims to perform the Maghrib prayer to show their faithfulness to the one and only God, Allah. After they were finished, they continued to do their daily recital of the Al-Quran to seek guidance from God’s holy words. Mikah’s soft and alluring voice could be heard leading through the entire recital.

“Mikah, looks like you’re getting better at reading the Quran. Very proud of you,” stated Mikah’s father.

“Thanks, Abah,” replied Mikah, a soft smile on his lips.

After everything was settled, the whole family carries on with their daily activities. Mikah is finishing up his homework while his brother, Mikail sits next to him reading a storybook. Mikah’s mother is serving up some piping hot Sup Tulang on their round wooden dining table, while Mikah’s father watches football on the television in their cosy living room accompanied by a cigarette in his hand.

It was just another typical night, until Mikail asked out of the blue, “Abah, what’s the meaning of gay?”

The entire family paused, a bewildered look on their faces. Mikah’s eyes flitted from his mundane workbook to a curious Mikail. His lips slightly parted and his eyes widened. “Where you hear the word from, sayang?” asked Mikah’s mother.

“Oh, I heard it on TV once. What does it mean ah?”

          “Mikail, gay means that a guy loves another guy. In the Quran, Allah doesn’t let his followers have same-sex relationships, that’s why no one in this family should disobey him,” said Mikah’s father sternly.

          Mikah’s heart spirals in a downward motion. The thought that his parents may find out he is gay made him sweat uncontrollably. Mikah gets up slowly from the dining table, making sure not to emit a sound. He ambled towards his bedroom and closed the door shut. A feeble sigh escaped his mouth, as he slams his body on his soft silky bedding. “Haish, they will get mad at me if I tell them,” mused Mikah.

          Miscellaneous thoughts dart his mind, as he sinks his face deeper into a wrinkled pillow. Not only does he have to study for his SPM, but he also has to find a way for his sexuality to come to light to his family. A knock on the door snapped him out of his thoughts.

          “Mikah sayang, open up. It’s Mak ni,” prodded Mikah’s mother, her voice soft and airy.

          He stood up quickly and unlocked his bedroom door, slight dizziness in his forehead. “Yeah Mak, what’s wrong?”

          “I want to talk to you, can I come in ah?”

          “Yeah boleh,” Mikah hesitated, before moving away from the doorframe.

          Once again, his head was inundated with questions. Does his mother know he is gay? Oh no, she knows, doesn’t she? Is she going to confront him? Goosebumps roll in his flesh as he created more presumptions in his mind.

          “Mikah, you’ve been hanging out a lot with that girl Ayna ya. Is there something going on between you two?”, said Mikah’s mother.

          Mikah’s face faltered, relief reducing the pressure in his veins. He inwardly chastised himself for reacting too quick. Suddenly, an idea crossed his mind. What if he pretends to date Ayna so that no one will know he’s gay? It sounded like a perfect idea, so he quickly spoke, “Oh yeah, we’re actually dating.”

“Ye ke? Invite her for dinner next Saturday la, I want to get to know her better,” Mikah’s mother nudged him playfully.

          “Oh okay. I’ll ask her tomorrow” said Mikah, faking nonchalant.

          “Bagus! Can’t wait to meet her,” exclaimed his mother.

          The next day, Mikah went straight to Ayna’s workplace after school. She works at a retail clothing store near Mikah’s house. It’s their favourite hangout spot, when Ayna’s boss isn’t around, of course.

“Yo Mikah, you’re here!” shouted Ayna, her rambunctious voice echoing the room.

          “OMG can you not be so loud,” whispered Mikah embarrassedly.

          Ayna ignores Mikah’s remark and walks closer to him briskly. She messes up his shiny sleek back hair he spent an hour styling in the morning. “Seriously Ayna?   Aiyo, every single time! Nasib baik I brought my comb with me.”

Ayna and Mikah have been friends since they were 13 years old. Ayna is a Muslim lesbian who got kicked out from her family when they found out her sexuality. Now, she lives in a one-bedroom apartment above the clothing store. Despite the hardships Ayna faces, she remains lively and optimistic.

            “So, what’s up?” said Ayna.

          “Uhmm...I need your help boleh tak? Can you uhm... pretend to be my girlfriend?” appealed Mikah while he fidgets with his thumbs.

          Ayna looked at Mikah with a deadly slack expression. They have been friends for what seems like a lifetime, she feels uneasy at Mikah’s heavy request. After all, she only sees him as a friend, not a lover.

          “Alah you have to help me. I’m scared my family will find out I’m gay,” said Mikah with pleading hands. “All you got to do is just pretend”. His face contorted in pity, Ayna knew she couldn’t say no to that face.

          “Kay fine, I’ll help you. Huh, but only because you’re my friend and I care about you.” Ayna succumbed.

          “Also uhm… they kinda… sorta invited you for dinner next Saturday,” Mikah said in a small panicky tone. Ayna slapped her forehead in frustration, unaware of what she has gotten herself into.

          The next Saturday arrives with fear and apprehension, it was the day where Mikah officially introduces Ayna to his family as his girlfriend. “One.. two.. three..” Mikail point counts the empty plates seated on the dining table. A befuddled glaze on his face when he reached five.

          “Abang, why are there five plates on the table?” Mikail peered at a rather occupied Mikah carrying a platter of fried chicken.

          “That’s because Abang’s girlfriend is having dinner with us,” Mikah’s father settled his arms on Mikail’s shoulder playfully.

          Abang’s girlfriend. Mikah’s stomach coils at those two words, it pains him that he has to lie to his family. On the other hand, Mikail’s eyes were ablaze with excitement. “Abang has a girlfriend! Abang has a girlfriend!” quipped Mikail, in a lilting voice. Mikail’s voice was soon interrupted by the sound of the doorbell, much to Mikah’s relief. He puts down the golden brown goody on the wooden surface and dashes to the door, mentally thanking Ayna for saving him from the predicament. He opens the door to find a version of Ayna he has not seen before. She was wearing a navy blue dress with a bun at the crown of her head.

          “OMG girl, you look so pretty!” shrieked Mikah, closing the door behind them.

          “Thanks! I found it in my closet, I’m surprised it still fits,” said Ayna.

          It was her go-to dress for special occasions; however, she hasn’t gotten the chance to wear it ever since she left her family.

          “Ooh you don’t look so bad yourself,” Ayna’s eyes settled over his slightly build figure; a resplendent button-up shirt and black trousers completed with his signature hairstyle, which Ayna tousled quick after.

          “Ayna! Kenapa?” said Mikah, his face contorted with annoyance. “One day, I’m going to shave my head so you can’t touch it anymore.” He bolted to his room while covering his hair with one hand. Ayna chuckles at the sight of an irritated Mikah, simultaneously surprised that he didn’t have a comb with him this time. Ayna’s expression faltered, as her eyes begin to roam Mikah’s house. The living room was neat and tidy, even the books on the shelves were arranged by colours and sizes. Ayna soon realizes Mikah got his etiquette from his parents. The perfectly lined family portraits on the corridor captivated Ayna’s attention, her eyes gaze at the happy four. A feeling of nostalgia surpasses her, as she stumbled across a photo of little Mikah and his parents beaming with joy in Sunway Lagoon. It reminded Ayna of the first time her parents taught her how to swim. She was eight years old, her parents have just bought her a flutter board so she could swim in an adult pool with them.

          “Eh, Ayna kan? So glad to finally meet you!”, an unfamiliar but soft-spoken voice snapped Ayna back to reality. She averted her eyes from the photo to the owner of the voice, Mikah’s mother. Ayna greeted her with a soft smile. The resemblance of Mikah and his mother was uncanny, even their clothing was bright in colours. They share the same thin lips, a pair of endearing indentations and a smile that reaches their almond-shaped eyes. The only difference is that Mikah’s mother has a rounder face than him.

          “Jom, dinner’s ready,” exclaimed Mikah’s mother. With a quick nod, Ayna follows her into the kitchen where the rest of the family is seated. Ayna’s eyes glinted at the appetizing dishes on the round table. It has been a long time since she had a home-cooked meal.

          “Hi Ana, I’m Mikail!” Mikail waves at her enthusiastically.

          Ayna crouched down to meet with his gaze parallel, “It’s Ayna, but I’ll take it.” She ruffles his coarse hair and takes a seat beside him. He giggles at her gesture. Mikah swaggered into the kitchen with his perfectly slick back hair and a comb in his pocket this time.

          “Mikah, help to recite Doa please,” said Mikah’s father. They put their hands together while Mikah recites the Doa to show gratitude towards Allah for blessing them with a meal.

          After their prayer, they dig into a scrumptious dinner. Ayna takes a bite of her biryani rice, her tastebud tickles at the dish of gastronomical delight. “Wow.. sedapnya,” uttered Ayna, a saccharine smile plastered on her face. She wasn’t sure if it was the home-cooked meal or the idea of eating together with a family, but she feels at home. “Thank you, Ayna. Come, makan lagi.” Mikah’s mother added some fried chicken to Ayna’s plate. The sight of Ayna and Mikah’s family bonding over dinner makes Mikah happy.

          “So, how did you guys meet?” asked Mikah’s father. The family cast a curious glance their way. Mikah’s smile dissipated at the question. He slurped a glass of water frantically, in an attempt to give himself more time to curate a perfect response. Ayna saw the distressed look on his face and answered for him.

          “Well, we used to sit next to each other. Every day before class, I would make jewelry for fun while Mikah would watch me do it. I noticed his interest in arts and decided to teach him. That’s how we became close,” said Ayna. “And the rest is history.” She looks extremely nonchalant and unaffected. Contrarily, Mikah struggles to compose himself. His palms glistening with sweat.

          “Aww... comelnya. You guys look cute with each other,” cheered Mikah’s mother, her dimples resurfaced on both cheeks.

          Ayna and Mikah chuckled at the compliment. Mikah remembered the day vividly. It was a Wednesday morning and they were making handmade crafts as usual. “Hey Mikah.. are you gay?” asked Ayna, curiosity sparked in her eyes. Mikah pretended he didn’t hear what she said, as he continued to put the plastic beads through a clear elastic. “It’s okay if you are. I’m a lesbian.” Mikah’s cheeks ablaze at what Ayna said, but those words also sent a comforting whirlwind into his mind. It gave him a glimpse of hope, knowing someone like him is also a part of the LGBTQ+ community. They became good friends ever since, as they confined in each other on secrets and struggles with their own sexuality.

            “Are you guys ready for SPM tak?” asked Mikah’s mother, scooping some vegetables onto Mikail’s plate. He glowered at the wilted greens, throwing tantrums