Friendship Turns Bad, sierra farmer [elon musk reading list .TXT] 📗

to Barrett I couldn’t hang out with my friends. I was so mad and ready to hurt him. He wouldn’t stop messing with my life. I had no idea he would take things so far to ruin my most important friendships .

That was my official wake up call that summer was almost over and I would have to deal with him for the rest of the year. I hated what had become of our “friendship”. We were now enemies and we would never be friends again. I was so hurt when I thought that me and the twins might never be able to be friends again either.

Not only that but yet again Barrett used my emotions and my deepest secrets against me. I had made the mistake of sharing with him that my mom is a single parent and that me and my brother have different fathers. Apparently this makes my mother a slut.

Now I was planning ways get revenge on Barrett. I was scared about what he would do next and what I would have to deal with. On my way home from upstate it was the worst experience. I was nervous about the twins and my friendship. I was very antsy because of Barrett. I did not know what to think or say to the twins.

I thought about all the horrible secrets I knew. I thought about all the hurtful things I could say. Then I thought, but I’m not Barrett. I will not stoop to his level. By spreading rumors and saying mean things about him I would basically be him. So revenge went through my mind I just did not act on it. Revenge was not my thing. I did not like the idea of hurting him. No matter how much someone hurts me I don’t want to hurt them back. It’s a curse at times caring so much about other people. My empathy can make me feel responsible for people’s problems. I could not help but wonder why me, why do I have to go through this?

It was getting closer to school starting and I was scared about what would happen. I was getting very sad and I did not know how to stop feeling sad. I was about to walk into a disaster as soon as school started. I was able to avoid Barrett all summer but I couldn’t avoid him any longer. That’s what scared me the most. He had all summer to plan how to hurt me. I was just walking into his trap and he was going to torture me all school year.

I had to sneak around with the twins because I was not allowed to hang out with them. I was upset about how they would always have to cancel on me because they could not tell their family that they were hanging out with me. So when we hung out I always had to go 2 blocks ahead of their house in order to meet them. I always had to go out of my way to keep this friendship going. I was annoyed that the twins still insisted on hanging out with Barrett even though he was ruining our friendship.

Barrett was ruining everything. I worked hard to get away from being bullied, just to get bullied by my so called friend. I felt like running from all my problems. I thought transferring schools would be perfect. Then I remembered what is running going to solve? He would still be in the neighborhood. It wouldn’t solve anything to run away. It would make him think that he’s doing the right things to get rid of me.

I refused to let him win. I had to change my mood before school so that I could survive my last year of junior high. I wanted my last year to be the best year of junior high. So I thought to myself this is a battle and it’s time to fight back. I thought I’m stronger, tougher, faster and if I work hard enough I would be able to win. I was going to go to school with a new look and new intentions.

I was happy that I could hang out with the twins at school. At the same time I was scared that Barrett would start bothering me as soon as school started. The night before school, I got my clothes and supplies ready. I did not sleep that night, I was too busy thinking.

 

 

Goodbye Summer Hello Winter

       The first day of school I started out being excited about seeing all my friends.  Everything seemed to be going fine.  I got all the teachers I loved, I enjoyed my classes and to top it off there was no homework that week.  It was great.

        Then I went to lunch and that’s when I saw Barrett.  I was avoiding him and there he was.  He was talking to the twins and I was mad at the twins for hanging out with him. The first day I was there he threatened the twins.  Barrett said “why are you hanging out with Sierra, if you hang out with her I will tell your grandmother.”

      I was pissed off. I told them “I don’t care, he is trying to ruin our friendship.  Stop letting him. You are hanging out with him even though you don’t like him.  He is controlling you and you’re letting him.”  They said “we don’t care what he says we were still going to hang out with you.”  I asked them “why did you tell me that Barrett threatened you, if you don’t care.”

     They told me all the problems they had with Barrett but they wanted to still hang out with him.  When I told them they should stop hanging out with him if he is so annoying, they said “we are not hanging out he follows us”.  Then I watched them outside. When they were bored they started chasing him.  I didn’t get it; they don’t like him but they hang out with him. Then they always complained to me about their problems with him.

     I was starting to not hang out with the twins because Barrett was always there.  Then I became very sad and felt like nothing was helping. Most of the time I felt like crying.  It was very hard, Wherever I was, I did not feel there.  I started avoiding everyone including my whole family.  I felt isolated in my own mind.  I stayed in my room all day and night.

     I kept on thinking about what happened and me losing my friends.  I thought; “why me why me what did I do to him”.  I was not eating a lot and lost some weight.  I was also scared that I could not get out of my head and be happy.  My mom thought it was teenage hormones but I did not think so.

     So I worked harder to get out of the mood and somehow I was able to make it better.  I really don’t understand how that happened but I started talking to my mom again and I did what I needed to do.  I still had a little sadness left but was better than before.  I laughed more and smiled and did more work.  Everyone started noticing the difference in me.

      Even though my mom thinks everything is getting better it’s happening slowly.  Ever since 6th grade I feel like me and mom are getting less close.  I used to be able to talk to her easily but now I don’t even know how to tell her how I feel.  I don’t want to be distant it just happens.  I started writing poetry to release the pain I was feeling.  

     After all that I started skipping lunch so I could write this non-fiction story.  There were days where I could not write and stayed in the main office and talked to my favorite teachers.  I loved doing this, they would make funny jokes.  Sometimes the office would get really packed.  Sometimes I would help them.

      This happened for a while and I enjoyed it.  Then one of the security guards caught me with my phone out in the main office.  He took it away and locked it up.  Then I had to go talk to him to see if I could get my phone back.  So I when I went to go talk to him I saw him next to Ms. Thorn the security guard who I wanted to apologize to.

     He was apparently mad at me for multiple things.  The security guard started talking about how I never went to lunch any more.  I told him I didn’t want to, I was avoiding someone.  He of course asked me who and why.  I did not tell him because I was right in front of Ms. Thorn.

     The security guard guessed a couple names until he got to Barrett.  He realized from the way I looked that that was the person I was avoiding.  I had to explain why in front of Ms.Thorn.  I got emotional and started crying.  Then Ms.Thorn said “well everyone told you not to hang out with him”. She said those words that I hated to hear. “It was all your fault”.  I remember that just playing over and over in my head.

     I wanted to scream at her. I was ready to just yell at her and threaten her.  Yes I wanted to threaten her. I wanted to say I can go to the principal and tell him how last year you took me by the hood and pulled me into the other room to stop me from hanging with Barrett all because of a rumor she heard. But I did not say  anything. I stopped myself.

     The other security guard finally gave me my cell phone back and told me to go to class. So I walked up the stairs and I tried to calm my nerves.  When I got to class I was calm enough.  Then the next day in class he came and took me out and said “ you have to go to lunch tomorrow and I am worried about you. Do you want to see (assistant principal) Ms. Salga?   I told him  “I am fine I don’t have to see her”.

     I was thinking about how quick feelings change.  When it came to Ms. Thorn my feelings went back and forth.  First I liked her then she was rude and mean to me and I did not like her.  Then I realized my responsibility in that situation and decided to forgive her.  Then yet again she was rude and I disliked her again.