Voids Fill Up Differently, Students of IACT [great book club books txt] 📗

would put plants in. She combined them together, tied it onto a tree in the front yard and turned it into a swing. She then called Jamie out and brought him to try it out. She placed both of Jamie’s legs into the hole of the tire and asked Jamie to hold the rope tightly. “Try to feel the wind, Jamie.” She gently pushed him forward and she saw Jamie smiling from the edge of his lips. This is the first time Lilith saw him smiling genuinely. “I’ll go faster then, alright?” “Alright!” Jamie had never been so happy in life before. Lilith then took out a piece of A4 paper from her father’s office then went back to Jamie who’s still on the swing. “Let me write down the things you want to say to your parents, okay?,” she says, writing with the same pen she used before. “Okay,” he was still wearing his school uniform. He sits on the swing swinging forth and back, “Actually there’s not much to talk about, I just don’t want them to blame themselves for my death.” “Yeah, but still it would sound more convincing and I’m sure they would feel better too if you wrote something only you guys would know right?” Jamie stares blankly as he thinks, moments later, he opened his mouth. “Alright then I guess we’ll write a letter to them then.” Both of them sat down and under the cassia tree and Jamie started dictating.

Dear Mom and Dad,

          This is Jamie, I am able to write this letter thanks to my new friend, Lilith. Somehow I am able to see and talk to her. Mom, Dad it's not your fault that I’m gone, don't blame the guy that hit me, I’m sure he felt bad about it too. My favorite color is yellow because it's bright like the sun. My favorite food is grandma’s fried chicken when we go back to Ipoh to visit them. Mom, do you remember how every day you would pick me up after school and we’ll go to your florist and you’ll tell me the story and the meaning behind each flower. And sometimes when dad is late to pick us up, we’ll watch a movie while we eat the grapes you brought from the supermarket every morning. And sometimes I would just fall asleep in your arms and you would be so scared to move as you don’t want to wake me up. And dad, do you remember how you would bring us and our dog, Lulu to the park near our house every Sunday morning for a walk and we would always get ice-cream after that. Can you take care of Lulu for me? Pleaseeee dad. I wished that I could’ve spent more time with both of you. I love you, mom. I love you too, dad. I hope we’ll meet again someday, somewhere. 

Your son,

Jamie.

It's Wednesday already. 1 more day left before the burial on Thursday. Jamie’s mother had been at the funeral home since 7 am as that day would be the most important day of the whole process, it’s the day to double-check everything, the day to make sure that the funeral will be carried out without any issues... Lilith followed them around when they’re going through the placements of flower vases near the coffin. Lilith accidentally overheard Mrs. Lim saying that she isn’t sure which flower to choose as Jamie likes all of them equally. She stepped in and said “White lilies and chrysanthemums.” This shook Mrs. Lim as she realized that Lilith was right. Jamie really once said that they are his favourite flowers. Mrs. Lim turned and looked at her discombobulated. “H-h-how did you know that?” Lilith answered quickly. “Oh, it's just a lucky guess! Haha!” Mrs. Lim also brought a large basket of Jamie’s clothes as it’s a tradition to burn several of the deceased favorite clothes because the Chinese believe that, when they die, they will be able to wear them in the afterworld. Lilith saw Ms. Lim struggling to choose which one to burn for Jamie. Jamie was there with them too. Jamie then pointed towards his dinosaur jumper and a white graphic T-shirt with ‘I am Superman,’ a pair of blue shorts and lastly, his favorite ADIDAS slides. Lilith then pointed out exactly to which one to burn to Mrs. Lim. Mrs. Lim was surprised as these were usually worn by Jamie every time they went out or when they were traveling. As Mrs. Lim was about to confront her again, she was called by her father to get to the counter in front.

Today’s the day. Jamie’s funeral. The air is so tense it feels like a wrong breath could cause meltdowns. Lilith could feel it. Jamie’s presence was ever-present, but it felt weaker. As much as she wanted to blame it on being used to seeing him, even she had to admit that the glow surrounding him was starting to become faint. The piece of paper in her hands felt heavy but her heart was heavier from the moral battle raging behind her eyes. Was this the right thing to do? What if Jamie’s mom hears her speech and has a mental breakdown in the middle of the graveyard? What if the stress goes to her brain and gives her a stroke? What if Jamie’s father got agitated and struck her in front of everyone? He seemed to have a temperament from what she heard from Jamie’s mom. What if her father stopped her before she got to give her speech and Jamie’s parents never get closure from the event and their marriage collapses causing Jamie’s mom to grieve even more and - Lilith had to stop overthinking it. She made a promise to Jamie and she intended to keep it. “Nervous? You know everyone can tell from a kilometer away, right?” piped Jamie into her ear. She didn’t flinch this time, she’d gotten used to Jamie’s tricks by now. “Of course I’m nervous, I don’t want to be the reason your mom has a public freakout!” Lilith whispered harshly as to not attract attention to her and the specter no one else could see. Jamie flashed his smile, even though the dim glow emanating from him, his smile was as bright as ever. “Don’t worry about it! I’m sure she’ll be relieved to read and nothing will go wrong! Hehehe,” Jamie teased. Lilith rolled her eyes slightly to Jamie’s underestimation of the situation, but she couldn’t suppress the small smile that crept up on her.

          The funeral parlor slowly became more crowded as more and more people trickled in to pay their respects to the Lims. Lilith felt her anxiety skyrocket, wow this really is a lot of people, until a firm hand clasped itself on her shoulder. “Lilith, I didn’t know you would be coming today,” said Mrs. Lim, her eyes still puffy but somewhat less red from the last time Lilith had met her. “Hello Mrs. Lim, yea I’m here to uh, help my dad here there with the small small things,” she said, gripping the note in her hand tighter ever so slightly. Mrs. Lim was about to ask Lilith a question before a sudden “Lilith! Come help! Now!” came from the back of the parlour. “Sorry ah Mrs. Lim, Dad is calling and he’ll be angry if I don’t go, I’ll see you later!,” she said as she scurried off to help her Mr. Swee with whatever it is that he needed.

          The procession began soon after. A solemn silence hung in the air as prayers were recited and reminders of how Jamie is in a better place. “He was too good for this world, too kind, God took him away before he could get even more hurt by the cruel world,” said Mr. Lim to his wife, trying to comfort her as she returned to the all familiar shaking, sobbing form that Lilith was used to seeing in the shop. She stood by her father as the funeral went on, occasionally glancing at the form of Jamie in the casket, and glancing at Jamie’s spectral form, sitting next to his parents, putting a hand on his mother’s back, hoping that the near non-existent weight of his small hand would be a source of comfort for his grieving mother.  Lilith gave him a small smile, a small inscrutable smile that would remain unnoticed by anyone but Jamie.

          As the people began to get up one by one, exiting the parlour to go to the burial grounds, Lilith caught up to the Lims before they left. “Mrs. Lim could I see you for a bit?” said Lilith as she came up behind Mrs. Lim. “Yes girl, what is it?” she asked quizzically. Lilith halted when she saw the look on Mrs. Lim’s face, memories of how broken Mrs. Lim was in the shop, how raw her sobs sounded, how her hands could barely grace the cloth of Jamie’s clothes without remembering how she’ll never see him in those outfits ever again. Lilith began to question if what she was doing was the right thing if this would somehow make things much much worse than it already is. What felt like a century of doubt, a clear voice in her head cut through all the thoughts.

She needs to know, give her the letter

“Mrs. Lim, I have something for you. I don’t think I can explain it, but I feel that you should have it,” Lilith stated in a steady voice that was just as surprising to herself as it was to Mrs. Lim. Lilith held out the note to Mrs. Lim, firmly holding it being careful not to crinkle it. Mrs. Lim slowly took the note from Lilith’s small hands, her eyebrows raised in confusion as she unfolds the note.

Tears began to flow from Mrs. Lim’s eyes, but not in a way where Lilith was familiar. These tears were not sad, but they weren’t exactly happy either. Acceptance? Melancholy? The voice in her head, was it Jamie? Was it her conscience? Lilith couldn’t tell, but what she knew was that she had done the right thing. 

With a trembling hand, Mrs. Lim weakly pulled Lilith closer."How? How did you… These things...How?" she asked, in curiosity and grief.

"I, well, I didn't know, he told me," Lilith explained.

"Why couldn't he tell me himself?? His own mother?? Why would he tell you?"

"Because I can see him, I wish I could prove this to you but I can only see him. Aunty, why would I lie about this?" Lilith said, trying to convince the grieving mother that she was telling the truth.

What happened next, Lilith couldn't recall, the only thing that was burned to the back of Lilith's mind was how she had felt when the clear voice rang through her distraught mind. She had hoped to experience again but her assistance towards the undead had been scarce lately.

Watch out.

Huh? A loud honk had aggressively pulled Lilith out of her own head and caused her to step back. She hadn't realised that was about to cross the road. Not that she was too far out to the road, nor was the car close to her, but the local drivers loved honking their horns like a toddler would love to squeeze toys that made sounds.

That feeling. She recognized it. "Jamie?" The name escaped from her mouth without her realizing as she frantically looked around.

Nothing.

Of course, there wasn't anyone there, dead or alive. Why would Jamie come back? He'd been gone for years now. "You're just crazy," she grumbled softly to herself, but she couldn't stop the small smile that crept onto her lips. "Or maybe just special," she said. Speaking to no one in particular, but she knew that deep down, it was nothing crazy or special. Simply different. Yeah, different.