I Spy With My Little Heart, Kiki XoXo [red queen free ebook TXT] 📗

to do. I usually waste time with Luke or have school recently. But neither of those things is happening anymore. 

 

I get up and make my way outside. I'll get some fresh air and go for a little stroll. I make my way into the trees walking this time so I don't trip over that root. I hear people talking. Who else is out here? I guess this is also part of the training center but usually no one is out here. It peaks my interest. I follow the voices that are barily audible, but I get to the clearing area and recognize the two of them instantly. 

 

Luke and Britt. 

 

"I'm never going to be able to do it." Britt complains. 

 

"You will to. You have to keep practicing and believe you can do it." Luke sighs sitting on the ground. "We're not leaving this spot until you do it."

 

"Hard ass." She sighs. 

 

"Hey you wanted a teacher." He smirks. "Now keep trying." 

 

He is training her?! She isn't even his mark! Sleeping and training. That's what the two of them have been doing. I feel anger again. Why isn't he working with Tessa or Natalie!? I watch a little longer trying to understand exactly what is going on. 

 

"You know... I could use some help. Like give me a reason to sit here and do this." She stops looking at him with a look that is easily recognizable. "Motivation." She walks over to where he is sitting. 

 

"Like what?" he sighs. "Because being a good mark isn't motivation enough?" 

 

"Mhhmmmm, no." she bites her lip, and sits next to him. "Come on, you know what I want." 

 

"No." he says flatly. "I told you that none of that ment anything." 

 

" No it only means something if I have red hair and have a fiery attitude." She stands. 

 

"Don't bring her into this." Luke stands. 

 

"God you make it obvious." Britt stands with him. "Blaire doesn't want anything to do with you, I am here. Why don't you even give me a chance?" 

 

"Britt I promised to help train you. This is not what I signed up for. I'm not going to waste my time-"

 

"I wont waste your time. Come on Smith. You can have me whenever you want, do what ever to me whenever. Doesn't that sound better then having to deal with a .. .child?" he sighs rubbing his eyes.  "It doesn't have to mean anything, unless you want it to." Another pause. "Besides she obviously doesn't care about you. Think about all the guys she was probably with while out exploring the world. Instead of being here with you?" 

 

"That's enough." He turns towards her. "Stop talking about her please." 

 

"I can stop talking altogether." She moves in close and lightly touches her lips to his. I turn I don't want to watch anymore. I get through the forrest and make my way to Mr. Wahls' office. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. I knock on the door. 

 

"Come in." He replies, and I go inside starting to shake.  "Blaire, what can I do for you?" He asks, sitting up intrigued at my being here. 

 

"Sir," I clear my throat. He is watching me with intensity and it's making wonder if this is the right choice. "I would... I mean. If it would be possible..." I pause.

 

"Yes?" He asks, his eyebrows forrowing. 

 

"Can I please transfer to a different manager?" I blurt. He leans  back unsure if he heard me correctly.

 

"Are you sure this is what you want?" He questions. I nod. "This isn't just some ploy for you and Smith to be able to be together is it?" He dares to ask.

 

"No!" I step forward. I want to explain but I decide I probably shouldn't. "I was... I am just wondering if that is a possibility." I finally say something. 

 

"Well, sure." He rubs his temple. "Here," He pulls out yellow slip and fills out a couple of things. "Sign here." I do as I am told. "Mr. Smith does have to sign this as well." He mentions. 

 

"Of course." I nod. 

 

"Alright. Just drop this off at his room then and I'll see what I can do." I thank him and leave looking down at the slip filled out for a complete switch of manager roles. Deep breaths in and out Blaire. He is more than likely still outside anyways. I knock and don't hear a voice. I open the door and look inside. The shower is running. They must be inside already. He is probably muddy from rolling in the dirt. I lay the slip on his dresser where I  know he will see it. Then I run like the wind out of there. I head straight to my room and wish I could lock the door. 

 

I hope this is the right thing to do.

 

I'm feeling regret now.

 

Oh god.

 

What have I done?

Chapter 24

Blaire's POV

 

It's really hot. I feel drenched in sweat. My limbs ar heavy. 

 

Or someone is practically laying on top of me! I turn around the best I can to get a look at the culprit. 

 

Luke? What is he doing here? What is going on. I move around so I can get out from under him, but it seems to wake him up as well. 

 

"Sleep." he mumbles opening his eyes for a split second. "Talk in the morning." he mumbles the last part. I lay back down not wanting to argue or ruin what ever momment this is.I lay back down away from him though. This is awkward for me now. "Come here." he whispers, and I turn around his eyes are open again. I don't move. This is surreal! 

 

"You must be nuts." I whisper. 

 

"Blaire." my blanket moves, and his arm wraps around my stomach. He pulls our fronts together. "I'm an idiot and a jerk and an asshole and a douche and I miss you." He whispers.  Our noses are almost touching. 

 

"Okay." I say holding my breath. I can tell that is not what he wanted me to say. "Go back to sleep." I turn away from him and scooch away. His arm is around me again and pulling me back. This is going to get tiring.  "Mr. Smi-"

 

"Blaire." He interupts me. "Just give me tonight. You can go back to hating me tomorrow." I feel his forehead on my neck.  "I need tonight. I need you. Please." 

 

"What about Britt?" It slips out. "I saw you out in the woods today... yesterday.. whenever that was." I turn facing him now. I want to see his face. 

 

"Nothing happened. You came at just the right time. You stopped me from making the biggest mistake in my life. Blaire I pushed her away. If you saw you would know that." He whispers. 

 

"I didn't stay long enough." I look away. 

 

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so hard on you. I know that. I guess I just... I got scared and I thought I lost you. I don't want to." 

 

"I have to tell you something." I sigh, "Since we are getting things off our chests." he looks at me, and his eyes are watery. "The other night... when we got in that fight in the hall... Crash came to my room after." I stop. 

 

"What did you do?" He asks, he sounds choked almost. 

 

"We only kissed... really kissed... but we both had clothes on and it didn't mean anything! I did it because I wanted to get back at you... because I was upset and mad. Jealous that you were maybe sleeping around."

 

"I haven't had sex with anyone since you became my mark." He whispers quieter then ever. I look him in the eyes, not understanding. "I haven't wanted anyone.... but... you." He looks away. I look up at the cieling. I can't believe this is happening now. He seems so little. So lost like a puppy. 

 

"I haven't ever slept with anyone." I say and he chuckles for a quick second. "Luke." I test the waters on his name again. "Why did you come here tonight?" I ask. 

 

"I got that yellow slip... I signed it at first. I thought that maybe that would be good for both of us." He stops. "Then I wanted to talk to you about it. I thought about all our times together. I don't want to stop having those times. I don't want to lose you as a friend-" I close my eyes, friend. I'm just a friend. "- It made me realize that I've been hiding behind the other girls, and I avoided you whenever I felt we were getting to close. Then I saw you at that school... with boys your age... being normal. It scared the shit out of me."  He stops and he pulls ahand out from under the blankets and wipes away some of my hair that was in my face. "I finally thought about everything. All of the things we've been through. Everything. I went back through my memories all the times I almost kissed you, but decided not to. All the times that I was in here just make sure you didn't have another nightmare." 

 

"Luke." My heart is pounding. "What are you saying?"  His eyes flicker with tears pooling in them. He doesn't say anything though. Now he is looking away from me. He removes his arm from my side and lay down on his back. "So?" I ask my throat feeling tight. I just want to hear him say that he cares about me. I kind of got the feeling it was a lot more then caring after his whole speech he just gave me, but he isn't saying anything now. After another minute of silence, I wipe away my one tear that slipped out. I shouldn't have asked. 

 

My heart is beating so damn fast, and my chest is compressing. I feel sick, and with the wicked beat going on I litterally feel like my heart is breaking and my chest is going to explode. I try to calm myself, but I can't. I keep my tears locked up. But I can't control the rest of me. As I lay here in my bed, I finally understands what people mean when they say they got their heart broken. I don't like this feeling at all. 

 

"I get it." I finally speak again. He practically flinches from my voice in the silence. "You're just a worried manager... you didn't want anything bad to happed to your best mark." Still holding back tears, I get up from my own bed. He turns on his side again, now watching me.  The pool of tears still glowing in his eyes, and a tenseness in his face. I don't want him to see me cry. He can't know I'm breaking inside. 

 

"Of course I was worried." His voice is raspy. I close my eyes. He is lying to both of us. I can tell that this is more it has to be more! I did not just make all of this up. That fact that he can't even admit it to himself, shows me though how one sided this might truly be. "Blai-"

 

"You're just doing your job." I try to put on my best smile, but I feel tears just streaming down my face now. "I ahh... I'm just going to get some fresh air." I turn and inch towards my door. I walk as normal