A KNIGHT OF THE NINETEENTH CENTURY, Edward Payson Roe [top young adult novels TXT] 📗
- Author: Edward Payson Roe
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"Now, Egbert, Be Sensible."
"What Am I To Do In this Secluded european Watering-Place, Where There
Are No Americans, And At Which We Are To Sojourn Indefinitely?"
"I Am Sure I Have Not Thought. Your Sisters, At Least, Can Venture Out
And Get A Breath Of Fresh Air. It Is Time You Thought Of Them Rather
Than Of Yourself. You Could Amuse Yourself With The Natives, Or By
Fishing and Hunting."
"Mother!" He Exclaimed, Impetuously, "I No Longer Desire To Merely Amuse
Myself. I Wish To Become A Man, In the Best Sense Of The Word."
Mrs. Haldane Evidently Experienced a Disagreeable Nervous Shock At The
Sudden Intensity Of His Manner, But She Said, With Rebuking Quietness:
"I Am Sure I Wish You To Become Such A Man, Thoroughly Well Bred, And
Thoroughly Under Self-Control. It Is My Purpose To Enable You To Appear
Like A Perfect Gentleman From This Time Forward, And I Expect That You
Will Be One."
"What Will I Be But A Well-Dressed nonentity? What Will I Be But A
Coward, Seeking To Get Away As Far As Possible From The Place Of My
Defeat, And To Hide From Its Consequences?" He Answered, With Sharp,
Bitter Emphasis.
"Egbert, Your Tendency To Exaggeration And Violent Speech Is More Than I
Can Bear In my Weak, Nervous Condition. When You Have Thought This
Matter Over Calmly, And Have Realized how I And Your Sisters Feel, You
Will See That We Are Right--That Is, If Dr. Marks Is Correct, And You Do
Really Wish To Atone For The Past As Far As It Now Can Be Done."
The Young Man Paced restlessly Up And Down The Room In an Agitated
Manner, Which Greatly Disquieted his Mother And Sisters.
"Can You Not Realize," He At Last Burst Out, "That I, Also, Have A
Conscience? That I Am No Longer A Child? And That I Cannot See Things As
You Do?"
"Egbert," Exclaimed his Elder Sister, Lifting Her Hand Deprecatingly,
"We Are Not Deaf."
"If You Will Only Follow Your Conscience," Continued mrs. Haldane, In
Her Low Monotone, "All Will Be Well. It Is Your Being Carried away By
Gusts Of Impulse And Violent Passions That Makes All The Trouble. If You
Had Followed your Conscience You Would At Once Have Left Hillaton At My
Request, And Hidden Yourself In the Seclusion That I Indicated. If You
Had Done So, You Might Have Saved yourself And Us From All That Has
Since Occurred."
"But I Would Have Lost My Self-Respect. I Should Have Done Worse--"
"Self-Respect!" Interrupted his Mother, With An Expression Akin To
Disgust Flitting across Her Pale Face. "How Can You Use That Word After
What Has Happened, And Especially Now That You Are Working among Those
Vulgar Factory People, And Living With That Profane Old Creature Who
Goes By The Name Of 'Jerry Growler.' To Think That You, Who Bear Your
Father'S Name, Should Have Fallen So Low! The Daily And Hourly
Mortification Of Thinking Of All This, Here, Where For So Many Years
There Was Not A Speck Upon Our Family Reputation, Is More Than Flesh And
Blood Can Endure. Our Only Course Now Is To Go Away Where We Are Not
Known. Our Best Hope Is To Make You Appear Like What Your Father Meant
You Should Be, And Try To Forget That You Have Been Anything Else; And
If You Have Any Sense Of Obligation To Us Left You Will Do What You Can
To Carry Out Our Efforts. Dr. Marks Thinks You Have Met With 'A Change
Of Heart.' I Am Sure Yon Can Prove It In no Better Way Than By A Docile
Acquiescence In the Wishes Of One Who Has A Natural Right To Control
You, And Whose Teachings," She Added complacently, "Had They Been
Followed, Would Have Enabled you To Hold Up Your Head To-Day Among The
Proudest In the Land."
Haldane Buried his Face In his Hands, And Fairly Groaned, In his
Disappointment And Sense Of Humiliation.
"Is It Possible," Asked one Of His Sisters "That You Thought That We
Could All Go Out To Church To-Day As Usual, And Commence Life To-Morrow
Where He Left Off When You First Went Away From Home?"
"I Expected nothing Of The Kind," Said Her Brother, Lifting Up A Face
That Was Pale From Suppressed feeling; "The Fact Is, I Have Thought
Little About All This That Is Uppermost In your Minds. I Have Been All
Through The Phase Of Shrinking From The World'S Word And Touch, As If My
Whole Being Were A Diseased nerve. While In that Condition I Suffered
Enough, God Knows; But Even In the Police Court I Was Not Made To Feel
More Thoroughly That I Was A Disgraced criminal Than I Have Been Here,
In My Childhood'S Home. Perhaps You Can'T Help Your Feeling; But The
Result Is All The Same. Through The Influence Of A Woman Who Belongs To
Heaven Rather Than Earth, I Was Led to Forget The World And All About
It; I Was Led to Wish To Form A Good Character For Its Own Sake. I
Wanted to Be Rid Of The Debasing Vices Of My Nature Which She Had Made
Me Hate, And Which Would Separate Me From Such As She Is. I Wanted your
Forgiveness, Mother. More Than All, I Wanted god'S Forgiveness, And That
Great Change In my Nature Which He Alone Can Bestow. I Felt That Dr.
Marks Could Help Me, Because I Believed in him; And He Did Carry Me, As
It Were, To The Very Gate Of Heaven. I Expected, At Least, A Little
Sympathy From You All, And A God-Speed as I Went Back To My Work
Tomorrow. I Even Hoped that You Might Take Me By The Hand, And Say To
Those Who Knew Us Here, 'My Son Was Lost, But Is Found. He Wishes To
Live A Manly, Christian Life, And All Who Are Christians Should Help
Him.' I Find, On The Contrary, That Christ And His Words Are Forgotten;
That I Am Regarded as A Hideous And Deformed creature, That Must Be
Disguised as Far As Possible, And Spirited off To Some Remote Corner Of
The Earth, And There Virtually Buried alive. Thus Different Are The
Teachings Of The Bible And The Teachings Of The World. I Thought I Could
Not Endure My Hard Lot At Hillaton Any Longer, But I Shall Go Back To It
Quite Content."
As The Youth Uttered these Words, With His Usual Impetuosity, His Mother
Could Only Weep And Tremble In her Weak And Nervous Way; But His Sisters
Exclaimed:
"Go Back To Your Old Mill-Life At Hillaton!"
"Yes, By The First Train, To-Morrow."
"Well!" They Chorused, With A Long Breath, But As All Language Seemed
Inadequate They Added nothing To Their Exclamation.
Mrs. Haldane Slowly Wiped her Eyes, And Said, "Egbert Is Excited now,
And Does Not Realize How We Feel. After He Has Thought It All Over
Quietly He Will See Things In a Different Light, And Will Perceive That
He Should Take Counsel From His Mother Rather Than From A Stranger"
(With Peculiar Emphasis On This Word). "If He Really Wishes To Do His
Duty As A Christian Man, He Will See That The First And Most Sacred
Obligations Resting On Him Are To Us And Not To Others, Even Though They
May Be More Angelic Than We Are. You Promised last Evening That It Would
Be Your Life-Effort To Make Amends For The Wrongs You Have Inflicted
Upon Us; And Going Back To Your Old, Sordid Life And Vulgar Associations
Would Be A Strange Way Of Keeping This Pledge. I Suggest That We All
Retire To Our Rooms, And In the After Part Of The Day We Shall Be
Calmer, And Therefore More Rational;" And The Ladies Quietly Glided out,
Like Black Shadows. Indeed, They And Their Lives Had Become Little More
Than Attenuated shadows.
There Is Nothing Which So Thoroughly Depletes And Robs Moral Character
Of All Substance--There Is Nothing Which So Effectually Destroys All
Robust Individuality--As The Continuous Asking Of The Question, "What
Will, People Say?"
Poor Haldane Went To His Room, And Paced it By The Hour. He Had Learned
Thus Early That The Christian Life Was Not Made Up Of Sacred and
Beatific Emotions, Under The Influence Of Which Duty Would Become An
Easy, Sun-Illumined path.
He Already Was In sore Perplexity As To What His Duty Was In this
Instance. Ought He Not To Devote Himself To His Mother And Sisters, And
Hope That Time Would Bring a Healthful Change In their Morbid Feeling?
Surely What They Asked would Not Seem Hard In the World'S Estimation--A
Trip To Europe, And A Life Of Luxurious Ease And Amusement--For Society
Would Agree With His Mother, That He Could Be As Good And Christian-Like
As He Pleased in the Meantime. The Majority Would Say That If He Could
In Part Make Amends By Acquiescence In so Reasonable A Request, And One
That Promised so Much Of Pleasure And Advantage To Himself, He Ought
Certainly To Yield.
But All That Was Good And Manly In the Young Fellow'S Nature Rose Up
Against The Plan. In the First Place, He Instinctively Felt That His
Mother And Sisters' Views On Nearly All Subjects Would Be Continually At
Variance With His Own, Since They Were Coming To Look At Life From Such
Totally Different Standpoints. He Also Believed that He Would Be An
Ever-Present Burden And Source Of Mortification To Them. As A Child And
A Boy He Had Been Their Idol. They Had Looked forward To The Time When
He, With Irreproachable Manners And Reputation, Would Become Their
Escort In the Exclusive Circles In which They Were Entitled to Move. Now
He Was And Would Continue To Be The Insuperable Bar To Those Circles;
And By Their Sighs And Manner He Would Be Continually Reminded of This
Fact. Fallen Idols Are A Perpetual Offence To Their Former Worshippers,
As They Ever Remind Of The Downfall Of Towering Hopes.
With All His Faults, Haldane Had Too Much Spirit To Go Through Life As
One Who Must Be Tolerated, Endured, Kept In the Background, And
Concerning Whom No Questions Must Be Asked.
He Did Think The Matter Over Long And Carefully, And Concluded that Even
For His Mother And Sisters' Sake It Would Be Best That They Should Live
Apart. If He Could Thoroughly Retrieve His Character Where He Had Lost
It, They Would Be Reconciled to Him; If He Could Not, He Would Be Less
Of A Burden And A Mortification Absent Than Present.
When He Considered his Own Feelings, The Thought Of Skulking and Hiding
Through Life Made His Cheek Tingle With Shame And Disgust. Conscience
Sided with His Inclination To Go Back To His Old, Hard Fight At
Hillaton; And It Also Appeared to Him That He Could There Better
Maintain A Christian Life, In spite Of All The Odds Against Him, Than By
Taking The Enervating Course Marked out By His Mother. He Also
Remembered, With A Faint Thrill Of Hope, That Whatever Recognition He
Could Get At Hillaton As A Changed, A Better Man, It Would Be Based on
The Rock Of Truth.
He Therefore Concluded to Go Back As He Had Intended, And With The
Decision Came His Former, Happy, Mystical Feeling, Welling Up In his
Heart Like The Sweet Refreshing Waters Of A Spring, The Consciousness Of
Which Filled his Heart With Courage And Confidence As To The Future.
"Surely," He Exclaimed, "I Am A Changed, A Converted man. These Strange,
Sweet Emotions, This Unspeakable Gladness Of Heart In the Midst Of So
Much That Is Painful And Distracting, Prove That I Am. I Have Not Taken
This Journey In vain."
Haldane Met Only His Sisters At Dinner, For The Scene Of The Morning Had
Prostrated his Mother With A Nervous Headache. In spite Of His Efforts,
It Was A Constrained and Dismal Affair, And All Were Glad When It Was
Over.
In The Evening They All Met In mrs. Haldane'S Room, And The Young Man
Told Them His Decision So Firmly And Quietly That, While They Were Both
Surprised and Angry, They Saw It Was Useless To Remonstrate. He Next
Drew Such A Dreary Picture Of The Future As They Had Designed it, That
They Were Half Inclined to Think He Was Right, And That His Presence
Would Be A Greater Source Of Pain Than Of Comfort To Them. He Also
Convinced them That It Would Be Less Embarrassing For Them To Go To
Europe Alone Than With His Escort, And That The Plan Of Going abroad
Need not Be Given Up.
But Mrs. Haldane Was Strenuous On The Point That He Should Leave
Hillaton, Accept Of Her Old Offer, And Live A Quiet, Respectable Life In
Some Retired place Where He Was Not Known.
"I Will Not Have It Said," She Persisted, "That My Son Is Working as A
Common Factory Hand, Nor Will I Have Our Name Associated with That
Wretched old Creature Whose Profanity And General Outlandishness Are The
Town-Talk And The
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