An Ideal Husband, Oscar Wilde [free ebook reader TXT] 📗

of us. [Strolls to the fireplace and looks at

himself in the glass.] My father tells me that even I have faults.

Perhaps I have. I don’t know.

 

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. In defending myself against Mrs. Cheveley, I

have a right to use any weapon I can find, have I not?

 

LORD GORING. [Still looking in the glass.] In your place I don’t

think I should have the smallest scruple in doing so. She is

thoroughly well able to take care of herself.

 

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. [Sits down at the table and takes a pen in his

hand.] Well, I shall send a cipher telegram to the Embassy at

Vienna, to inquire if there is anything known against her. There may

be some secret scandal she might be afraid of.

 

LORD GORING. [Settling his buttonhole.] Oh, I should fancy Mrs.

Cheveley is one of those very modern women of our time who find a new

scandal as becoming as a new bonnet, and air them both in the Park

every afternoon at five-thirty. I am sure she adores scandals, and

that the sorrow of her life at present is that she can’t manage to

have enough of them.

 

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. [Writing.] Why do you say that?

 

LORD GORING. [Turning round.] Well, she wore far too much rouge

last night, and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of

despair in a woman.

 

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. [Striking a bell.] But it is worth while my

wiring to Vienna, is it not?

 

LORD GORING. It is always worth while asking a question, though it

is not always worth while answering one.

 

[Enter MASON.]

 

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. Is Mr. Trafford in his room?

 

MASON. Yes, Sir Robert.

 

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. [Puts what he has written into an envelope,

which he then carefully closes.] Tell him to have this sent off in

cipher at once. There must not be a moment’s delay.

 

MASON. Yes, Sir Robert.

 

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. Oh! just give that back to me again.

 

[Writes something on the envelope. MASON then goes out with the

letter.]

 

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. She must have had some curious hold over Baron

Arnheim. I wonder what it was.

 

LORD GORING. [Smiling.] I wonder.

 

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. I will fight her to the death, as long as my

wife knows nothing.

 

LORD GORING. [Strongly.] Oh, fight in any case - in any case.

 

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. [With a gesture of despair.] If my wife found

out, there would be little left to fight for. Well, as soon as I

hear from Vienna, I shall let you know the result. It is a chance,

just a chance, but I believe in it. And as I fought the age with its

own weapons, I will fight her with her weapons. It is only fair, and

she looks like a woman with a past, doesn’t she?

 

LORD GORING. Most pretty women do. But there is a fashion in pasts

just as there is a fashion in frocks. Perhaps Mrs. Cheveley’s past

is merely a slightly DECOLLETE one, and they are excessively popular

nowadays. Besides, my dear Robert, I should not build too high hopes

on frightening Mrs. Cheveley. I should not fancy Mrs. Cheveley is a

woman who would be easily frightened. She has survived all her

creditors, and she shows wonderful presence of mind.

 

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. Oh! I live on hopes now. I clutch at every

chance. I feel like a man on a ship that is sinking. The water is

round my feet, and the very air is bitter with storm. Hush! I hear

my wife’s voice.

 

[Enter LADY CHILTERN in walking dress.]

 

LADY CHILTERN. Good afternoon, Lord Goring!

 

LORD GORING. Good afternoon, Lady Chiltern! Have you been in the

Park?

 

LADY CHILTERN. No; I have just come from the Woman’s Liberal

Association, where, by the way, Robert, your name was received with

loud applause, and now I have come in to have my tea. [To LORD

GORING.] You will wait and have some tea, won’t you?

 

LORD GORING. I’ll wait for a short time, thanks.

 

LADY CHILTERN. I will be back in a moment. I am only going to take

my hat off.

 

LORD GORING. [In his most earnest manner.] Oh! please don’t. It is

so pretty. One of the prettiest hats I ever saw. I hope the Woman’s

Liberal Association received it with loud applause.

 

LADY CHILTERN. [With a smile.] We have much more important work to

do than look at each other’s bonnets, Lord Goring.

 

LORD GORING. Really? What sort of work?

 

LADY CHILTERN. Oh! dull, useful, delightful things, Factory Acts,

Female Inspectors, the Eight Hours’ Bill, the Parliamentary

Franchise… . Everything, in fact, that you would find thoroughly

uninteresting.

 

LORD GORING. And never bonnets?

 

LADY CHILTERN. [With mock indignation.] Never bonnets, never!

 

[LADY CHILTERN goes out through the door leading to her boudoir.]

 

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. [Takes LORD GORING’S hand.] You have been a

good friend to me, Arthur, a thoroughly good friend.

 

LORD GORING. I don’t know that I have been able to do much for you,

Robert, as yet. In fact, I have not been able to do anything for

you, as far as I can see. I am thoroughly disappointed with myself.

 

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. You have enabled me to tell you the truth.

That is something. The truth has always stifled me.

 

LORD GORING. Ah! the truth is a thing I get rid of as soon as

possible! Bad habit, by the way. Makes one very unpopular at the

club … with the older members. They call it being conceited.

Perhaps it is.

 

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. I would to God that I had been able to tell the

truth … to live the truth. Ah! that is the great thing in life,

to live the truth. [Sighs, and goes towards the door.] I’ll see you

soon again, Arthur, shan’t I?

 

LORD GORING. Certainly. Whenever you like. I’m going to look in at

the Bachelors’ Ball to-night, unless I find something better to do.

But I’ll come round to-morrow morning. If you should want me to-night by any chance, send round a note to Curzon Street.

 

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. Thank you.

 

[As he reaches the door, LADY CHILTERN enters from her boudoir.]

 

LADY CHILTERN. You are not going, Robert?

 

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. I have some letters to write, dear.

 

LADY CHILTERN. [Going to him.] You work too hard, Robert. You seem

never to think of yourself, and you are looking so tired.

 

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. It is nothing, dear, nothing.

 

[He kisses her and goes out.]

 

LADY CHILTERN. [To LORD GORING.] Do sit down. I am so glad you

have called. I want to talk to you about … well, not about

bonnets, or the Woman’s Liberal Association. You take far too much

interest in the first subject, and not nearly enough in the second.

 

LORD GORING. You want to talk to me about Mrs. Cheveley?

 

LADY CHILTERN. Yes. You have guessed it. After you left last night

I found out that what she had said was really true. Of course I made

Robert write her a letter at once, withdrawing his promise.

 

LORD GORING. So he gave me to understand.

 

LADY CHILTERN. To have kept it would have been the first stain on a

career that has been stainless always. Robert must be above

reproach. He is not like other men. He cannot afford to do what

other men do. [She looks at LORD GORING, who remains silent.] Don’t

you agree with me? You are Robert’s greatest friend. You are our

greatest friend, Lord Goring. No one, except myself, knows Robert

better than you do. He has no secrets from me, and I don’t think he

has any from you.

 

LORD GORING. He certainly has no secrets from me. At least I don’t

think so.

 

LADY CHILTERN. Then am I not right in my estimate of him? I know I

am right. But speak to me frankly.

 

LORD GORING. [Looking straight at her.] Quite frankly?

 

LADY CHILTERN. Surely. You have nothing to conceal, have you?

 

LORD GORING. Nothing. But, my dear Lady Chiltern, I think, if you

will allow me to say so, that in practical life -

 

LADY CHILTERN. [Smiling.] Of which you know so little, Lord Goring

-

LORD GORING. Of which I know nothing by experience, though I know

something by observation. I think that in practical life there is

something about success, actual success, that is a little

unscrupulous, something about ambition that is unscrupulous always.

Once a man has set his heart and soul on getting to a certain point,

if he has to climb the crag, he climbs the crag; if he has to walk in

the mire -

 

LADY CHILTERN. Well?

 

LORD GORING. He walks in the mire. Of course I am only talking

generally about life.

 

LADY CHILTERN. [Gravely.] I hope so. Why do you look at me so

strangely, Lord Goring?

 

LORD GORING. Lady Chiltern, I have sometimes thought that …

perhaps you are a little hard in some of your views on life. I think

that … often you don’t make sufficient allowances. In every

nature there are elements of weakness, or worse than weakness.

Supposing, for instance, that - that any public man, my father, or

Lord Merton, or Robert, say, had, years ago, written some foolish

letter to some one …

 

LADY CHILTERN. What do you mean by a foolish letter?

 

LORD GORING. A letter gravely compromising one’s position. I am

only putting an imaginary case.

 

LADY CHILTERN. Robert is as incapable of doing a foolish thing as he

is of doing a wrong thing.

 

LORD GORING. [After a long pause.] Nobody is incapable of doing a

foolish thing. Nobody is incapable of doing a wrong thing.

 

LADY CHILTERN. Are you a Pessimist? What will the other dandies

say? They will all have to go into mourning.

 

LORD GORING. [Rising.] No, Lady Chiltern, I am not a Pessimist.

Indeed I am not sure that I quite know what Pessimism really means.

All I do know is that life cannot be understood without much charity,

cannot be lived without much charity. It is love, and not German

philosophy, that is the true explanation of this world, whatever may

be the explanation of the next. And if you are ever in trouble, Lady

Chiltern, trust me absolutely, and I will help you in every way I

can. If you ever want me, come to me for my assistance, and you

shall have it. Come at once to me.

 

LADY CHILTERN. [Looking at him in surprise.] Lord Goring, you are

talking quite seriously. I don’t think I ever heard you talk

seriously before.

 

LORD GORING. [Laughing.] You must excuse me, Lady Chiltern. It

won’t occur again, if I can help it.

 

LADY CHILTERN. But I like you to be serious.

 

[Enter MABEL CHILTERN, in the most ravishing frock.]

 

MABEL CHILTERN. Dear Gertrude, don’t say such a dreadful thing to

Lord Goring. Seriousness would be very unbecoming to him. Good

afternoon Lord Goring! Pray be as trivial as you can.

 

LORD GORING. I should like to, Miss Mabel, but I am afraid I am . .

. a little out of practice this morning; and besides, I have to be

going now.

 

MABEL CHILTERN. Just when I have come in! What dreadful manners you

have! I am sure you were very badly brought up.

 

LORD GORING. I was.

 

MABEL CHILTERN. I wish I had brought you up!

 

LORD