The Reptilian Telepathy of Birds, R.K. Galvez [life changing books .TXT] 📗

strange elitist face. Krugler didn't know what was what. He had to be careful of all these C.O.G. spies. Who were the strange mutant police? He knew that Goodmann and Goodnow had invested too much in the colony for it to fail.

Ovno and Tipp stared at Krugler. Krugler didn't like it. The agents had promoted Ludovic and moved him into an office next to Krugler's. Ludovic was being retained as a cosmo-consultant. Apparently, Ludovic's mutated excrement was pzionik portal-stones to other unknown realm times within the universe.

Krugler tried to speak to Ovno, Tipp and Zip.

"Whwhyssjjdlodoeprnth?"said Krugler.

Ovno and Tipp looked at each other, smirking. Zip stared into space, shivering.

8) TRANSMIT: SKRYER MODULATOR

Krugler didn't know what was happening. Was he possessed? Krugler looked around, suddenly thinking of poor Ludovic's sudden mutation. Ovno and Tipp looked up at him and nodded.

"Corporal Ludovic just told us you're losing it," said Tipp. He got a paw-feeler and tugged the back of Krugler's neck. Krugler's fatty deposits were sticking together somehow. Krugler was slowly dissolving. Tipp wiped his paw-feeler with a weird tissue out of a foil pack. Tipp smirked at Krugler again.

"What will happen to me?" Krugler asked Tipp, somewhat baffled.

"It's fine, Chief Krugler," said Ovno. "It's all been slip-streamed for us by Ludovic. You're no dimension space controller, but we can understand you, so you don't have to fiddle with that useless word-tranz thing no more. They went out of business years ago."

"Oh, right. I see," Krugler mumbled, dribbling. He had not realized they were speaking a different language.

Tipp and Ovno laughed some more, looking quite relaxed.

Krugler sobbed to Zip: "I don't know what's what. I don't know what's happening to me. Or Ludovic. What's up with this muto-virus?"

Ovno and Tipp shrugged. They looked at Zip who still stared at the Earth from the zoom-star i-e-window in bridgecontrolview Orientis. Ovno went up to Krugler, his bony arm wrapped around Krugler, not minding dissolved flesh sticking to his arm, and said:

"Mister Krugler, we're mutants in different forms in different dimensions. We're just a small part of the astral demon-tecz from C.O.G., sir! We're the government you can never get rid of. On all planes of existence, on all those tiny planets, in all those realms, things just exist for no reason. Some people call them dimensions, but we're all one really. You see, the C.O.G. go there, monitoring and making sure things get sorted. We all need some good shit, right?"

Krugler was silent. It was too much of a shock. They were universally speaking and Krugler was not used to this at all. He was more equipped to deal with the other side of things. Kruggy had never been fully equipped for much. His instincts had been right, though: Goodmann and Goodnow had exploited him. He remained powerless. Worlds had formed while he had been isolated on this daft colony.

"What in God's name has happened to humanity?" Krugler cried.

Tipp and Ovno smirked again.

"Something pretty damn useful," said Tipp.

Ovno nodded, adding: "You mean to tell me, you think humans are easily controlled as Homo sapiens? Human history has shown humans cannot peacefully govern themselves. They need to be ruled. No way can you control dumb humans; they can't stop killing each other for fun! You got to be kidding me, Kruggy? It's much better this way. The mutations got thought of as a form of cancer, but it turned out they killed death. They'll live for a long time now. We're here to help the early mutations, they're tough but they need some care and special maintenance."

"You better tell me the future! I don't like secrets,” replied Krugler.

These misfits are too late, thought Krugler. And he was the only elected official in charge and Krugler didn't even remember winning any election. It didn't even cost him anything. What a weird lottery…

9) DUM-DUM PZI-GRIMOIRES OF HOPELESSNESS

Krugler slumped in his seat; his body slowly being liquefied as opposed to anything resembling solidification. He looked defeated.

"Zip knows how to key in the robots" said Ovno.

"Yeah, science stuff bores me to tears", Tipp added, laughing. He was chewing raw colony Norkweedroot.

Krugler didn't like these agents. They were too knowing, too cocksure. He wanted to approach the fragile Zip, but she would not speak to him. She had started keying in strange signs to the bots.

"I don't like anyone fiddling with the bots, they keep to themselves."

"It's just a pzionik-upgrade," said Zip.

"So you're going to talk to me?" Krugler asked - trying not to sound irate. He was close to having a commuter strop.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rude. I've been travelling the space-time continuum for 5,000 years. It’s been a long shift!"

Krugler was silent again, he was close to tears but bit his lip. He didn’t know Zip was over-worked. As Krugler bit into his lips, he realized that they were dissolving. He looked at his ugly form in the pen-spoon.

"Do you like my pen-spoon?" Krugler asked Zip. He resisted the urge to suddenly gyrate to increase his sexual appeal.

Zip had finished the strange re-coding for the bots. The conversation was already getting phallic. And, in Zip’s humble opinion, they were getting a bit too personal. The legendary infrastructure repair unit bots were now glowing. They seemed to be rejuvenated, in a technological higher state of consciousness.

"I don't know what you mean, Krugler," said Zip, “I've just rejuvenated all your bots. You're maintenance was very lax. The central cores do get low every few million years or so. They can't do everything. I'm authorized to do a C.O.G. upgrade. They will make more long-lasting units now to fix the broken down parts of the colony."

Zip looked on, as she put her thin latex book of signs away.
She got a small flesh-bag of blood and etched another sign - like a basilisk - into the corner unit. It glowed and it's acidic residues filled the room. Ovno and Tipp laughed loudly, breathing the sulphuric blood fumes. They consumed a lot of Norkweedroot, too. For Krugler it was nauseating. It was a vile smell and Krugler almost vomited. Twice.

Zip hugged Krugler. Krugler secretly wanted her to massage his dissolving genitals. His need for company had dulled his senses; he regretted getting involved with holo-machines and lots of painful masturbation rituals that had utterly dehumanized him.

Someone once said they preferred batteries to people, but Krugler was unable to remember the last time he had any kind of intercourse. Everyone was a prospective mutation. And stasis fiddling was still a criminal offence. Krugler didn't want to end up as a crazed crusty occultist goat-shagger

Krugler wanted human companionship. He wanted it up close but not too personal. Zip was the closest to that, but there was something strangely alien about her. She seemed to be growing. She was a giantess. They're gods, thought Krugler, dissolving even faster now. They've been sent here to usurp me. Krugler had a idea his body language was giving him away. He was body-popping, his liquid form was heating up.

Tipp and Ovno looked at each other, as Zip controlled her growth surges. The flimsy colony was indeed stretched when Zip grew, pressing the weak colony structure, creaking it and setting off the few pressure alarms that worked. Zip was able to tone it down and needed a small bottle to drink from to control these godsize growth flourishes.

It was all above board, but Krugler was now scared.

"All right, people, just let me know what's what, O.K.?" Krugler said.

He felt defeated, but Ovno, Tipp and Zip looked at him, shaking their heads. They all looked strangely intoxicated; maybe the Norkweedroot was taking effect. Ovno and Tipp took something disposable looking out of a case. The case vanished and a suit formed out of it. It was a plastic skeleton of some kind, developed by some kind of alien technology. Between Zip, Ovno and Tipp, they gathered Krugler's gooey remnants and poured him in to the plastic suit.

10) MUTO-MOON-FARM

Krugler looked at his new plasto-skelton form and he found he was able to move with ease. He had never felt better. He had always wanted a plastic skeleton when he was a kid, but his family were very superstitious.

"Muto-moon-farm," said Ovno.

"What?" slurred Krugler, still somewhat confused by his transformation.

"Tipp, maybe we should get Ludovic to explain it to Krugler, you know, in his mind," said Zip.

"Not a bad idea, Zip," replied Tipp, a bit too cheerfully for Krugler's liking. Tipp continued: "Might just work, considering this guy has been really put through the system. It's true all terra-formers and colonists go crazy."

"I don't know why they didn't just leave the machines," said Krugler.

"The agency needed mutants. Don't you think it a little bit odd you haven't heard anything from Earth?" smirked Ovno.

"I thought it bizarre, but communications have been down for a long time and no-one had been authorized to service them. We don't even know the real time. The bots were not repairing them for some reason. We don't question what they don't fix. You don't think a human was able to fix them, do you?" Krugler said.

"Not really," explained Ovno, "It's quite simple."

"You mean, the agency turned a colony population into mutants to send back to Earth, to infect real humans?" said Krugler, slightly disgusted.

"You got it, boyo. Not as soft as you look. Ludovic had a good idea when he married into it, he was mainlink agent. The final hub for all our insider operations. You can't stop mutating. It's how humans evolve. The pollution's only getting worse on earth anyway" said Ovno.

Tipp nodded, continuing the lecture, like a TV Shopping Channel host. An incredibly bad one. Krugler was sure he had autocues in his eyes. Tipp spoke smoothly:

"Sending mutants from the moon means Goodmann and Goodnow can send mutants straight from here to sort out all these primitive problems all over the universe. Mainly on Earth. It's got pretty bad. I mean, the Earth needs some serious sorting out. Real time isn't working. Too many petty wars, so much life lost. Over nothing, that's the worst thing. It’s a total waste of karma and energy. With all these giant useless mutants evolving, it gives everyone a cause and promotes some peace. Over time they will kick things up; no human in any realm we know of has figured how to kill a mutant yet!"

Tipp smirked - a weird beetle-bear smirk - once his lecture had finished. So much for back-story - more like bore-story. The feeling defied description. Krugler was trying to control his emotions, but they all seemed to be one step ahead of him. Was he able to still get some?

Krugler was stunned. His loins were burning. So immortality does happen: accidentally and in a polluted, painful, fashion. Thankfully, he didn't mind plastic skeletons. Krugler had the idea there was a serious plan at hand but he was unable to tell how it would help save his colony.

11) EARTH-STYLE HICCUPS WITH A HINT OF UNIVERSAL BLISS

They had to save the rest of the colony. They also needed to save them from themselves. The Out-Alt-Staters were starting to eat each other.