My Skeptical Thoughts, Suleman Nasir [famous ebook reader .txt] 📗

of the fact that some unwished-for events that unfold are not under our command, yet we hold on to them, for letting go or inaction is seen as an emblem of passivity and weakness. Most of the time some of our problems and sufferings heal themselves gradually with every trickling grain of sand in the hourglass, and do not need our intervention; but we, by our meddling, often make matters worse. When holding on gives more pain than letting go, one should go for the latter.

In every dilemma and predicament, we should learn to see our lives with rose-tinted glasses; in the face of every misfortune, we should fish for opportunities and comforting outcomes. If people have betrayed you, it is fine. Let them go; it is a blessing that they have shown their true dark color at the right time and will not damage you anymore. If you love someone, but do not incur the same love in return, that is all right. Let them go; do not lower your standards to find someone, for you will only end up losing yourself. You deserve to be with someone who finds you worthy of love, so do not settle for someone just because you have a false thought that you will not find anyone better than them. If you have lost or failed at a career, do not fret; the last chapter of your life has not been written yet. The pages lay blank to be scribbled with wonderful experiences. It is never too late to start over, to find a new passion and to be a prodigy in it. Many undesirable events that unfold may leave us devastated, but they also disillusion us and open our eyes to realities of the world.

When you let go of the things that weigh you down, it is unveiled upon you that you need not be attached with anything or anyone to be happy or safe except for your own self. When you slacken your grip of the things that cease to be in your life, you vacate a slot for the good and fruitful portents to seep into your life. Sometimes you have to give up on some things in order to go up.

A great many times our minor problems snowball into colossal ones because of a dearth of acceptance. By trusting the universe and plainly accepting that all that we have lost was simply not meant for us, we can save ourselves from a stretched span of suffering. If one door is shut on us, we must take heart that a hundred more shall open; it is upon us whether we mourn over the one that is closed or rejoice over the ones that are about to open. We should be grateful for all the closed doors, blocked paths, and the things that fell apart, for all this conserved us from the roads that we were not meant to walk on. Often in some matters, not doing anything does the favorable bidding for us.

In the mire of every upsetting scenario, we are left with only two choices; either we don the gloomy cloak of victimhood and keep whinging and whining about our lot, or display the attitude of a warrior and keep forging ahead. To have a blissful life we ought to be like an autumn tree shedding the shriveled leaves of negativity and unresolved nonsense. Sometimes the fate that appears unshakeable is in fact the hand of God disentangling our tangled muddles.

Chapter 35

 

What Shall People Say?

 

“Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.”

-Steve jobs

 

 

Our existence royally swirls around four horrendous words that are, “What would people say”. The possibility of every one of our actions, decisions, and actualization of every dream is decided after percolating through the filter of these words. As we live in the form of communities and societies, we make ourselves believe that only through the approval of those surrounding us we can gain currency as true units of society or community. We think that we matter to others, but we are at the center of the galaxy only in our own mind. But in truth, we are negligible elements in a wide scheme; we are tiny specks in the vastly spread universe. The world and its denizens are indifferent to us and all that we do, but we find this notion unpalatable; we have not accepted the indifference of others at all. We shroud our less impressive and imperfect sides because we falsely believe that they will be noted and dwelt upon by others; we think that we will be judged on the stage of our imperfections. We let go of our dreams and ambitions solely on the grounds of our idiotic fear that what will others think of us if we failed. In our fruitless attempts to please others, we forget to please ourselves.

We are smitten with our image before others, and to burnish that image we surrender our freedom to the verdict of those who surround us since we align our behaviors and actions in compliance with the will of others. The things that are in the interests of others might be detrimental for us, but ignorant of this we recklessly gamble on our lives by moulding ourselves to the expectations of others.

 

Sociologist Erving Goffman developed the concept of Dramaturgy, the idea that life is like a never-ending play wherein individuals are actors. Goffman believed that when we are born, we are thrust onto a stage called everyday life, and that our socialization consists of learning how to play our assigned roles from other people. We enact our roles in the company of others, who are in turn enacting their roles in interaction with us. He believed that whatever we do, we are playing out some role on the stage of life. Goffman distinguished between front stages and back stages. During our everyday life, we spend most of our lives on the front stage, where we get to deliver our lines and perform. A wedding is a front stage. A classroom lectern is a front stage. A dinner table can be a front stage. Almost any place where we act in front of others is a front stage. Sometimes we are allowed to retreat to the back stages of life. In these private areas, we don’t have to act. We can be our real selves. We can also practice and prepare for our return to the front stage.

 

We don only those clothes that we think might appeal to others; sometimes we feel reluctant to openly divulge our hobbies or tastes in music, movies or any other art because we think others may hold us as uninteresting or dull. Many among us live a colorless life fettered in a tedious job, just because they choose careers counseled by others rather than the one they would have wanted for themselves. The world does not care a hang about our welfare; our wellbeing, comfort, prosperity, and success are not its concern. On many odd occasions, people around us do not want us to change for good. Humans have competitive instincts; people only prefer themselves to climb up the success ladder, not others. If we leave ourselves at the mercy of others, we will be trampled by them. Hence, regardless of all the prying eyes and scornful taunts we should pursue all that we deem fit for us, not that which is administered to us by others, for it is our journey and others shall not walk in our shoes.

The minds of everyone around us are brimming to the rim with the thoughts germane to their own lives, hence there will be no vacancy left for us. Being someone who pleases people sounds, on the face of it, like a very good idea, but it’s a pattern of behavior riddled with problems. Life is a beauteous gift endowed upon man by his bounteous Lord; to live it solely for the purpose of pleasing others is a travesty of the grand gift of life. Making everyone happy is beyond the bounds of possibility, and doing so will only sap us of our mental and physical energy. Forging a facade of what we are not is a colossal betrayal to one’s own self. We must accept that we are not special to the world but merely a number, similar to our 7.7 billion fellow humans. Our names will be lost in the mists of time. But we can be special to ourselves by living our lives to the fullest, oblivious to the world. We must live an autonomous existence pursuing all that which grants us bliss and satisfaction, turning a blind eye towards the meddlesome world. We should live in such a manner so that when we lay on our deathbed about to depart from the world, we do not suffer from the stings of regrets. The world shall perpetuate with all its grandeur with or without us, as the proverb no plough stops for the dying man depicts. In order to live a fulfilled life, we must develop a thick skin, invulnerable to what others think or say about us, for the only thing people are going to say in the end is “Rest in peace”.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 36

 

The Thieves of Joy

 

 

“Beautiful things happen when you distance yourself from negativity.”

 

 

 

 

It occurs quite often that we possess all the perks and privileges that are under the sun, but the thing that is mislaid is happiness; our inner world appears like a dark gloomy ghost-town sans any sign of life. Being sorrowful owing to some miserable mishap is not unheard of, but being unhappy and despondent without any palpable reason is one of the worst forms of torment and suffering. It is to be understood that we are not dispossessed of happiness; it is some guilty parties that we let into our lives which despoil our happiness. These factors, in essence, are the actual thieves of joy and are to blame for our woebegone lot. I, in this discourse, will shed light on a few robbers of happiness.

Bliss does not permeate into our lives, for it is blocked by our worrisome attitudes. Excessive worrying dishevels our inside world; worrying and overthinking does not fix anything but rather freeze us from taking any action. Intemperate distress is like moving back and forth on a rocking chair, that leads nowhere.

We shoulder disappointments when we assert exaggerated control on our surroundings; we believe that we hold the levers of everything that unfolds in our life, hence when events do not pan out in the envisaged manner, dispiritedness follows. Disappointment is the twin sibling of unhappiness.

Joy is an emotion that springs from within our soul; there will be no room left for happiness if our inner self is riddled with the bitterness of hatred and grudges. Anger is a fatal weapon that harms its perpetrator more than its victims. To make way for bliss, it is crucial to dissolve hatred, grudges, anger, and vindictive intentions.

Comparing ourselves with others is a pattern bound to create frustration. This habit will only spawn discontent. In place of observing others, one must delve into his soul and strive for the improvement of his own self.

When we dwell invariably on our future, we miss the enjoyable moments offered by the present. Having goals in life is praise-worthy, but when we hinge on our future successes that may or may not transpire, we never find true joy in the present moments. In the same vein, dwelling too much on past events is also inimical to happiness.

Being over-optimistic and over-pessimistic is foolhardy, for excessive optimism beckons disappointments and over pessimism breeds negativity and cynicism. To attain happiness we must focus on the good in people, joyous moments, and the blessings we are blessed with. The more we think of light, the less darkness will