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Title: Billy Whiskers
The Autobiography of a Goat
Author: Frances Trego Montgomery
Illustrator: W. H. Fry
Release Date: September 3, 2006 [EBook #19167]
Language: English
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BILLY
WHISKERS THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A GOAT
by
Frances Trego Montgomery
Illustrated by W. H. Fry
Saalfield Publishing Company, Akron, Ohio, 1902. CONTENTS
PAGE "Look Here, That Is My Goat!" Frontispiece In Two Minutes, He Had Sent the Dog Flying over the Fence. 14 The Italian Was So Horrified and Dismayed To See What Had Happened That He Forgot What Little English He Knew. 40 This Called Forth a Shout Of Glee from the Policemen Who Were Looking over the Fence. 60 The Farmer Stopped to See What All the Row Was About. 122 "Oh, My! Look at This Queer-looking Goat with Three Horns. Don't He Look Fierce?" 149
r. Wagner lived about two miles from a small town, and he thought it would be nice for his boys to have a little goat cart, so they could drive into town for mail and do errands for the family.
Without saying anything to his family, he appeared one evening leading a nice, docile looking, long-bearded Billy goat, hitched to a beautiful new red wagon.
Of course, the boys were wild with delight, and their mother disgusted, for she predicted that he would be more bother than he was worth, and would eat up all the things in the garden. They answered her that they would take good care that he never got loose, and that no wrong would happen, if she would only let them keep the goat. So with many misgivings she gave her consent, and Billy was led to the stable behaving like a lamb.
The boys christened him Billy Whiskers immediately, on account of his long white beard. It being a warm night, they tied him near a shed, so if it rained he could go under it for protection, and giving him some grass and a bucket of water, they went to bed to dream of the fun they were going to have the next day with Billy Whiskers.
It was five hours later when Billy awakened from his first long sleep, and feeling refreshed, thought he would take a look around. It was bright moonlight, and as all the lights were out in the house, he knew he would not be disturbed, for when he went to a new place he did not like to be interfered with when he made his first explorations, and he always preferred making them at night, and alone. You will no doubt think that he could not explore much, tied to a short rope, but if you think the rope made any difference you do not know the ways of an educated goat, and Billy had no Kindergarten education either, but a regular High School training in that respect.
He turned, and taking the rope in his mouth as he had done many times before, he quietly and peacefully chewed it until it fell apart, and then with a kick of his heels, and a wink at the house, he went toward the garden. From this direction the evening breeze was wafting to his nostrils sweet odors of dew-sprinkled lettuce and tender beet tops.
He ate up all the lettuce, or at least all the choice heads, and what beets he did not eat, he stepped on. Then he walked across the flower beds, and trampled down all the flowers, in a short cut to the pump, for he was getting thirsty.
On his way to the pump he thought he saw a man coming down the road, so he hurried along and went up on the veranda of the house to stand in the shadow until the man went by, for he knew that men often interfere with a goat's pleasure, even if it is only a moonlight stroll.
The man having passed, he walked around the veranda trying every now and then to look in at the window to see what kind of a house his new master had. At last he came to the front door and he could not help trying to taste the bell knob, it looked so much like a knob of salt in the moonlight. To be sure he knew that it was not salt, but it did look so good to eat, and he had often eaten things before that were not down on the diet list of a goat, so he took another chew but, horrors! what was that! There was a terrible ringing and clanging in the house,—it sounded like a fire bell; and the next minute Mr. Wagner stuck his head out of the window and wanted to know who was there. Of course there was no answer, and Billy stood as still as possible to listen and see what Mr. Wagner would do next; then he walked to the edge of the porch, and heard Mr. Wagner say, "Who is there? Can't you answer, or are you deaf and dumb, or drunk?"
Still no response, and Billy walked back and gave another lick at the bell, which immediately gave another loud ring. Mr. Wagner drew his head in, and Billy heard him say, "I'll come down and break your stupid head for you, wakening people up this time of the night!" When Billy heard this, he thought that it was time to go, so he scooted around the house, and went and laid down by his rope, just as if he were still tied and had not stirred a peg.
Mr. Wagner opened the door, and finding no one there, walked around the house holding a candle over his head to see if some drunken tramp had not rung the bell. He thought that he heard steps on the veranda as he came to the door, but no one was in sight only Billy Whiskers, apparently asleep by the shed.
"Hello! Billy old fellow, how are you getting along? Seen anyone around here lately?"
But Billy only blinked and laughed in his skin to see Mr. Wagner prancing around in his night-shirt, with the tallow from the candle dropping on his bald head.
Mr. Wagner went in and was about to get into bed, when he thought he saw in the moonlight a figure come out of the shed and go toward the house. The moon went under a cloud just at that minute and was hid from sight, so he kept still, straining his eyes to see and his ears to hear. He heard the chain rattle on the bucket at the well.
"Oh! ho!" he thought, "the tramp thinks that I have gone to bed, and that he will get a drink, and then prowl around some more. Well, we will see. I will just get my shot gun and fire a shot to scare him, if he does not answer."
So grabbing his gun, which always stood by the window loaded for use, he called out again:
"Who is there? Speak, or I'll shoot!"
As the words left his mouth, an object started on a run from the well, and Mr. Wagner fired, not stopping to see what it was, but supposing it to be a man. Just then the moon sailed from under the cloud, and there in the moonlight lay poor Billy Whiskers stunned and nearly frightened to death with a flesh wound in his side. When Mr. Wagner saw what he had done, and that it was only the goat, he pulled down the window, and went to bed, too mad to even go to see if the goat was dead or not.
The next morning Billy was as lively as ever, only a little faint from loss of blood and rather subdued. The children bathed his wound with witch hazel, and after a good breakfast, he was as well as ever, and ready for play or work.
Of course Mrs. Wagner said, "I told you so," several times, only varying it with, "Yes, you just wait and see, that goat will get into more trouble than he is worth, just see if he won't."
When she said this, she did not know of the midnight meal off her nice lettuce he had had in the garden.
Billy did not get into much mischief during the remainder of the day, except chewing up the dish-rags which were hung on the lilac bush to dry, and all the flowers off the oleander.
The next day was his unlucky day, maybe because it was Friday. It happened in this way, Mr. Wagner had some extra nice strawberries, which he had taken special pains to pick and fix up, intending to send them to a friend in town. He told the boys that they could take the goat cart and drive into town, with the berries and some nice lettuce for his friend, and get the mail on the way back.
The boys were delighted at the prospect of driving Billy in the new cart. They packed the things in nicely, and hitching Billy up, drove out of the lane in fine style, on a fast trot. Everything went well until half-way to town, when Jimmy Brown sicked his dog on the goat, and then the trouble commenced.
Billy Whiskers made a plunge for the dog, missed him, but gave the cart a quick jerk, which spilled the boys and the berries out in great shape, and then the scrimmage began. The boys went for Jimmy Brown, and the goat for the
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