Marry me, Svetoslav Ivanov [kiss me liar novel english .txt] 📗

Marry me

-It is best to drive him to the hospital ... I want to do some check-ups. I can’t do anything this way.
-He doesn’t want.
-He doesn 't want, but there is no other way. His condition is deteriorating, you see ?!... I can not sit vacant and looking ...
-He is dying, right?
"If we do not take any measures ... it may be fatal.
-He doesn’t want! ... I promised him to stay .... At home, he wants to be in his room ...
-This is not optional, Mrs Ivanova! .. I am a doctor and I can not take ...
-Enough! And do not increase the tone, please! ... I told you ... I promised him to remain at home. He wants to die in bed, to the books ... do you understand? ...
-If you do not take any action immediately, I can not vouch for anything.
-To ensure ?!... If you ride him to the hospital ... what is your warranty?
-What the hell ... Nothing can be said in such a state ...
-Let it ... ... so let him alone. And he’s waiting for the children to come to see him ...
-Will they come?
-Hardly ... Mira, the bigger daughter will fly, but there is fly… the other morning, Valia ... I do not know about her. She does not correspond to her phone. I sent her a telegram and I do not know ... Will he spend by tomorrow?
- I told you, ma'am ... So, without supervision and without medication, no one can say ... With these two hands, what can I do ?!... And even if I am a magician, there's nothing I can do! ... That’s why, I say again, let me take him immediately, we will put him on oxygen, and we will make infusion ...Nothing will happen by itself alone!
-Oh, Doc ... Please. I’m paying you ... don’t!
-You pay! ... There is no question of payment. I'm still a doctor, ma'am ...!
Now, I want to stay with him ... alone. Go, please!
-Hmm, good job! ...
-Please!
-As you decide ... I would like you to sign that you waiver treatment ... You know ... if something goes wrong…
I will sign ... Then I will call you...
- "... Then "?... when more accurate?
-You give ... to sign ... Then I will pay you, let me just ...
"Yes, ma'am! ... No problem ... Here ... write here that you refuse hospital treatment ... Yes, write that you are his wife ... I'll write that it is not conscious ... Here so ... And the bottom-signature ... date and time ... So, that's right ... right, ma'am ... If you need, call ... If I finished duty, the clinic has always colleagues, no problem ... anytime, you know? ...
-Go, please!
"Yes, just let the bag ... ampoules remain here if you need them ... they are yours ... but you know they are here if I did not come, but some colleagues and syringes ... ... Yes, I go, lady! ... For Now ... so, I say again, if only reflections ... rang! ...
I closed the door.
Locked both locks and set the door-chain.
Only then I realized that I’m doing something ridiculous. Who will come now ... what will it take?
Now I have not a sausage.
I opened the bedroom door quietly. Under the covers, I could hear the heavy breathing, approached on tiptoe, he was asleep.
On his forehead were killed large drops of sweat.
Yellow, furrowed brow.
His hair had become gray, not white, but somehow killed.
"Dead" ... I thought, and itself is startled by this. Crossed myself to be slightly. Pulled the blanket up to his chin.
Let him sleep.
Injections are making him calm, sometimes he’s sleeping for several hours. Then the pain start again.
Two o’clock - after midnight.
Clock hissing as it seemed, piercing through the silence. Approached on tiptoe and I put it in the pocket of my robe.
Let him sleep.
Let him sleep, do a person know… he could wake up better ... At least, Mira to come ... About Valiya I do not know ... just ... I do not believe, she hasn’t called for months, last time she closed me the phone. She says that she is good, she started working in a factory ... and she wanted from us to send money ... And then She hang up the phone ... "Such dotards!..."
That's it.
First left us the bigger – Mira, then- Valya. I was told that Valiya works on the streets… in Cyprus ... but ... I do not believe… These people are such…., give them to speak so ... Their souls are poor. I lit cigarette. I sat on the couch, by habit I reached to put the TV, then I startled. Only for TV now! On his screen was covered by dust, looked haggard and gray. Dust, dust ... The house is in the dust. I am in dust, my hair ... and they like his gray-dead.
God ... what does it matter.
I saw my silhouette in the section window-shop-adult woman, gray. My eyes do not see - dark spots ... only shadows beneath them as black runners.
Lamp glare.
My eyes hurt.
And the head, as if my brain is pulsating straight nights ... What happened? ... Does it matter anymore? Nothing ... never mind. All sinks, sinks ... the whole world seemed to slide down into a pit ... into nothingness.
THEN how will I live? ...
And for what do I live? ... My children are abroad, one has become a whore ... the other marry this ... drunk ... villager. For whom should I live?
Have I lived for someone or …. For what I have lived?
To raise children? ... Yes, I gave birth, bought them apricot puree ... Mira loved as a baby apricot puree ... Valiya ... was fastidious… Baskets, toys ... first teeth. First steps... Valiya reached out… and grabbed book ... All clapped, my father said that his granddaughter would go a learned man ... man!
…
Only now I felt that the clock is in my pocket. I put it on the table in front.
Two hours and twenty-two ... Many couples!
Mira was not ... well ... please get in school couples fleeing hours ... Valiya was more gentle, but what does it matter, God ... what does it matter?!... It is best to lie a little ... at least an hour or ... as… I am tired to death. And if he wakes up? .. and I sleep ... will I hear him? ... Lord, give me some more power ... Then we'll see. I’m tired to sleep ... to sleep ... And the clock tick tick ... what tick !?... measures the time ... What time? ... Time stopped. Everything has stopped. People make apartments, cars, career ... What do they do? ... Do nothing! There are no career, nothing ... Yes, nothing will! Just like this, to go to sleep ... not to wake up ... more to sink to sink, as the whole world ... and I with him .... Deep, deep ...
Is there a God? ...
Even if it is, where is it? ...
And cigarettes are such creepy, bitter, tongue pinch of smoke ... very recently ... how not to smoke? ... Like, what things I think is a sin ...
What is sin? ...
Look-he is dying, I sit in another room and there is nothing I can do ... and the doctor too! - "... In a hospital, he’s shouting" ... And for what? ... Another week with systems and apparatus ... nurse, where for a few dollars to clean up his shit ... Otherwise, no!
Whatever! He asked ... so ... on the bed, to look around in our room ... ... Yes, our room! And Mira, and Valya rolled here ... And here we were making love, and everything here ....
... Let my sweetie, you want at home ...
Quiet, quiet.
Ashtray is full, I must ventilated.
Clean air, strong food ... ... In these various clean air will cure cancer! ... Whatever!
I hope at least Mira to come.
Her German is drunk, I do not know whether he will let her go ...
She married, to get out of here.
... And Out!
Now! - What? ...
Leipzig-edge of the village, a large, neat cottage! ...
She did not say, but I know that he beats her ...
And drink.
And yet-what ?!... Money, money, money ... and Europe, and Germany, and "... it is an ancient culture !..."
Here 's culture and wonder!
I will spew one.
The silence makes me crazy. Middle of the night is, again, and so quiet and scary, every night, every night, I cannot stand, God ... I can’t stand that!
We have been married twenty-seven years…
So many!
And like it was yesterday, but still ... I'm like a bride!
My dress was of pale pink, skirt and blouse ... I thought so I can wear it and then ... And then, finally, there was no "then" ... while I find occasion to wear them, I got pregnant, then it didn’t fit anymore on my stomach and I could never wear it ... So it stayed in the closet, and rays diligently as if someone will preen with it ... And we were young, so young! ... Our life was clear, and he was with some long hair and costumes ... it remained so ... fill, relax, bowed his head ...
There is not suit for the funeral ...
My God, it is sin! Let him be fine ... Hope ... Hope he will raise his head!
Please, God ... For what you are there, in the sky ... why life should be a good title?!... Aren’t here any other sinners?
Cognac.
There is no other in a bar.
Whatever.
Ashtray is full, I still have ... 7 cigarettes. I opened them today ... I smoke much and in the morning my chests hurts and play. Whatever ... Let's play! ... Let’s play to turn in one dance, O Lord, take me with him! ...
Nonsense, hold on! ...
I will not cry, no bending legs!.... not before THAT! ...
Then ... as if!
Mira will not come ... nor Valiya ...
Valiya ... Mom’s little girl! ...
Small children are more to remember…. not that they are more expensive, I do not know ... the bigger grow, caring for the baby ... somehow you forget that they were babies ... and every-thing they are guilty! Broken-doll ... Come on now, who's fault ?!...
My little girl! ...
Whore in Cyprus!
Cheers, children! ...
Your father is dying.
Here it is, in the bedroom, breathe, grind his teeth ... Sink minute by the minute ... Mama drink cognac and the children ... where are they?!...
Nobody.
The clock only.
Hiss, hiss, as viper ...
What sets the