Addie, vanessa [ebook pdf reader for pc .txt] 📗

The water glistened as the warm golden rays from the sun brighten the reflection of a girl. The shadow cast on the still water was troubled. All the burdens of her life showed there in the hunch of her back, in deep lines of her frown. But yet she did not cry, she saved all her tears in the deep well that was found in her locked heart. With the key so far hidden that you might even say that it never existed. I stared at the girl that was in front of me. Hoping to find something in her eye that was once so easy to see. But couldn’t bare to see what wasn’t there. I touch the girls cheek for I didn’t want her to cry, the water rippled with even the slightest touch and the image of the girl vanished.

I laid on the still dampened grass letting the sun beam its warmth to my body. There at that moment I almost felt content drifting in and out like the tide, too a world where I didn’t have to hide in this secret garden alone, to be the girl I wanted to be. I closed my eyes so tight it made soft wrinkles on my nose. Trying so hard the remember that last summer when my mother was still alive, that was the happiest summer of my life. I missed my mother, I would have done anything to keep her in my memory forever but that was so long ago. She was becoming more of a dream now than anything, like fog on the morning sky disappearing the moment sun poked out of the clouds.

Then the sounds of wresting footsteps, behind a wall of trees made me come out of my dream world. I sat up quickly to where the noise had come from. Froze in shock I didn’t know if I could hide fast enough, but didn’t want it to find me here. But maybe that’s was what I was asking for the moment I felt so alone in the middle of my no where. What ever made those noise was gone now, giving with it’s absence my heartbeat, returning to the gentle thud of peace.

I ran as the wind, so quietly that you could only hear the faint rustling of the leaves as my feet quickly brushed passed. I ran when I wanted to escape the emptiness that was lingered deep down beneath the surface of the mask I was force to wear. Running to me was as easy as breathing it was all I knew to escape the darkness I felt creeping beneath my sink. It was screaming for my legs to push harder to move faster, and that made my arms move like pendulums swinging for their lives. It burned my lungs with pleasure to feel the wind caress my face from the speed at which my body moved but the burning feeling doesn’t last as long as I wanted it to. I felt another empty feeling, now that the burning was gone. All I could now feel was the coldness that it welcomed from its absents.

I spotted the white bridge after running at full speed for a few minutes. The bridge was the only thing in the woods that look out of place, almost unreal to my eyes but beautifully unforgettable. It looked so old but the paint never wore off like all old things does to show its age but this bridge was unchanging. My legs slowed to a walk, I could hear the gentle water as it licked the land around it. I turned to the woods were I wanted to stay forever, the woods that I wanted to get lost in. Knowing that I was running away from the thing I wanted most. As I crossed the bridge I heard an inhumanly sound, a scream from an animal but I wasn’t sure what kind and I didn’t stick around to find out for myself.

It only took a few more minutes, running to reach the house big lonely house. All the light were on which was not a good sign. She had notice I was gone and was looking for me now. I turned toward the woods now luring me back, while the voice inside told me that she didn’t need to find me. That I could leave and stay in the woods like I wanted. But the sky was darkening the sun leaving me like everything else and force me to think of all the reasons I couldn’t run back to the woods. The wood that felt more like home to me that the house that use to hold very thing that has meant so much to me. Now the house could only carried my room. I was in front of the door now holding the icy cold doorknob between my palm and fingers taking big breaths in and out calming myself before I entered in the house. As soon as the door opened the warmth of the house flooded my cheeks and warmed my fingers reminding me that the sun was going down and how long I have been gone. Aunt Jen was looking at me with worried eyes as the door opened wide letting the cool air blow in.
“ Never mind she just came in the door.” her voice was weak with a hint of anger. “ Thank you Tarry. You too.” she closed her eyes before laying the phone back on the receiver, then took a heavy breath before turning her attention to me. I could see it in her eyes that she had been looking for me for a long time and a wave of guilt washed over me. I have been so selfish, not thinking of what my leaving would do to her, and now I had to lie because if she knew exactly where I was, I knew she would never allow me to go back. I couldn’t bare even thing of what that would be like. It made me almost angry to think it was an option.
“ Exactly where have you been! I have been looking for since four-o-clock.” my eyes grazed the clock on the shove behind her seven-o-three. I didn’t know it was that late. My garden had a way of making time pass by and I guess that’s what I wanted it to do.
“ Sorry aunt Jen I completely lost track of the time.” what I said was true and it was my voice. She believed me for her eyes was soft and her body too.
“ Oh Addie, I thought you had left me forever.” the corners of her mouth fell into a frown making the wrinkles on her forehead deeper with worry. I hated how I was the one that made her look like that, and I knew that no amount of sorrys would make it go way.
“I went for a run” I said almost to myself barley a whisper she looked at me but said nothing. This was the end of our talk. Empty. I turned, finally feeling how tired I was. My legs felt heavy, my tongue loss, it wanted to tell her where and why I was gone, but my lips were locked and heavy keeping my tongue quite. Before I took a step she stared to talk again.
“ Your brother called” silence. This couldn’t be true. She’s telling you this to make you stay. She knows that you have been trying to say good-bye. The voice in my head was yelling at me. He would have never called, he doesn’t care about you! If he did he would have never left you here alone, wondering if you would ever see him again. If she was lying, it was cruel. She knew how much I missed him. I knew how much I wanted him to take me out of this place maybe she did too. It took me a few even breath to clear my throat and start speaking.
“when did” it was hard to say his name because with it brought memories, memories I have been trying so hard not to remember. They just remind me of how ever thing now was gone. “ he call?” my voice was powerless and I hated it.
“ Around six twenty.” my guess from the way she was looking at me, my face be traded me I wanted to look like I could careless but I couldn’t and didn’t. “He wanted to talk to you but you weren’t here. He said to call him back when you were.” she held up a piece of yellow scrap paper with the number scribbled on it messy with haste. It was such a small piece of paper but it felt like the most important paper to me. I wanted to run to her and take that yellow paper, run to the phone dial that one number and hear my brothers voice. I was afraid that I wouldn’t hear what I wanted him to say. That he was coming to get me. I didn’t want to deal with the disappointment that would fallow. Hadn’t I suffered enough? Why did he choose now of all times to finally acknowledge that he had a sister that longed to see him again.
“ Are you hunger? There’s pizza in the oven.” she point out. “I’m not hungry, but thanks.” I turned away from her now I wanted to get way, away in to my garden it the woods.
“ honey… do you want to talk about it?” I didn’t turn to look at her because I knew I would have stared crying right there. “ Not tonight” I said as emotionless as I could but my voice broke in the middle and I felt a my chest harden making it harder to breath as I hastened up the stairs. I could feel the my warm tears fall one by one escaping my eyes, and as I rubbed them away more came making it hard to see what was around me. I sat on the cold hard floor, trying to hold the pieces of me together while I cried endless tiers.

Call him back.
I can’t.
why not?
because…because.
Because, because what? My voice was angry Maybe it will stop all this all this crying.
what if it doesn’t what if it makes I worse?
Then at least you tried and got it over with so you can forget about it and go on with the life you’re trying to live.
I don’t like your idea.
you don’t have too just do it.
I can’t maybe tomorrow.
You were going to run away, why should this change anything?
I don’t know.
But the voice was gone now. I looked at my arms they were striped with dry mud. I got up and moved towards the bathroom, as I came to view of the mirror. My face was wild, my blue eyes wide and animal like. My dark brown hair turned my attention back to my eye and how they didn’t belong to my face. They were almost teal and everyone envied them of they were exotic and different, but they were just like my mothers eyes.
I took a long hot shower scrubbing my arms harder then needed I wanted to replace the pain I felt inside. Even though I was clean I couldn’t get out of the hot shower