why me, marielizad14015. [ebook reader txt] 📗

CHAPTER 1

As I entered the therapist office I realize that with out her help I wouldn’t have made it another month. I seat were I usually did. How today in my last session with her I could leave at any giving time but I didn’t want to. “So lets recap on everything from these past months” she said with a smile on her face. Great I didn’t really wanted talk about all over again. I was silent for a few seconds and it felt like hours. I sigh and I finally said “okay what exactly do you want me to say” I try putting a smile on my face but I just couldn’t. I think she notice that. “well…how you felt from what you feel now……..” “how life is going” she said.. Well what can I say. Oh yeah like what the f***. she knows how my life been every time I came here that’s that first thing we talked about like are you serious right now. “is been good” I lied sometimes is not good at all. My brother Eric has a new girlfriend and man! Is she a gold-digger and something else too. “I have a new boyfriend his name is Declan” “wow that good……” “have you told him” she asked “No…I don’t know how to tell him, right now what I want is to live a little and then go back to my past and tell him” and we talked which seem like minutes and next thing I know I was inside my brothers car a black Ferrari 458 Italia. Brand new, and sometimes he wonder why I always say all his girlfriends are gold-diggers. Even do is a really hot car. We stopped to eat at ‘Wendy’s. I order what I usually order. Us eating was quit. So I have to talk. “I’m thinking of moving with Declan” I stated but it came out like a question. “Are you now” he said seriously “yes” I said with sarcasms in my voice. “I am 18 now an adult so I could practically do what I want” “No you cant” “I already said yes and I made up my mind and I want to live with him” “Okay” he said as that’s the final verdict. We got up the table ready to leave. When we got into the car as we drove an awkward silent came upon us. So I turn on the radio. Nothing good as usual but like always I carry CD’s on my bag. As I look at the CD I got out I let out a small whisper “Nathan” I could barely recognize my voice. My brother took the CD out of my hand and put it on. “Are you okay” he said. “Yeah…Um Nathan made the CD for me” my voice sounded broken. He then reached to take it out but I slap his hand away. “its okay….I want to listen to it” the CD starter playing. It was his voice. I could hear it. The sound of it cut my thoughts. ‘ Okay Rose these songs your about to listen to Are songs that reminds me of you okay I hope you loved them the way you love me’ I smile at this. I did love him more then any song. As the first song starter ‘Pretty young thing(PYT) Michael Jackson’ I was singing along so was my brother ‘I Want To Love You (P.Y.T.) Pretty Young Thing You Need Some Lovin' (T.L.C.) Tender Lovin' Care And I'll Take You There I Want To Love You (P.Y.T.) Pretty Young Thing You Need Some Lovin' (T.L.C.) Tender Lovin' Care I'll Shake You There’ suddenly my singing was interrupted by my Iphone. It was Declan my boyfriend the text massage read ‘Want to come over’ my reply was ‘why would I come over when I live there’ a minute later his reply ‘he said that is okay’ ‘yes he did ♥ se you later okay bye’ Before the third song starter play I took the CD out. I study it for a while then I close my eyes and said “moving on doesn’t mean your forgetting, its mean your strong enough to let go” I said with ice crystal eyes (I was about to cry but I was strong enough not to) then my brother pat my hair messing it up. I got so mad. It took me like an hour and half to do it all up in curls.

*******Later on at Declan Apartment*********** The clock said it was 4:30 am, Declan was still sleeping but I couldn’t go back to sleep. I got out of the bed slowly, took a shower, grabbed one of his t-shirts and sweatpants and put it on and then went to the living room. Suddenly the my cell phone starts to ring so I run to get of course I don’t want Declan to wake up even though we need it to get ready for school in a couple of hours. “Shit!!!” I fell down great I’m so clumsy “Hello” I said even though I think it was my brother on the line, but I was wrong. I couldn’t move when I heard his voice. How could this be happening? He was dead I was there I saw him die. Tears roll down my face. “I missed you sweetie….how’s everything been ……..so long since I heard your voice” I didn’t even know when I started crying or when Declan was standing next to me. I close the phone before Declan could grabbed it. How could this be happening to me. No is probably Jack or Eric messing with me. But no they wouldn’t do that . “Babe…What’s wrong?” should I tell him. My crying got more intense it was like a water fall falling for my eyes. I cant tell him it so long ago I was and still I am ashamed of what happen. I needed to call my brother before it start again I cant let him ruin the life of my love ones specially mines. I call my brother and he said that he will be here in about 20 minutes but knowing him he probably be knocking at the door in 15 minutes the latest. After calling my brother I decided to tell Declan what happened to me. “A year ago…I was dating this guy” I mused , just saying those words going back to the past was painful. Everything that happened that night was painful. I had nightmares all the time. I had to go to therapy. I sigh. I need it to do it just get it out of my chest. For god sake I was getting married to this guy and I still haven’t told him about my past. I need it to do it now before I changed my mind. “You don’t-” I cut him off immediately ******Back Then****** “He’s name was Alex….” I remember it like it was yesterday when we met. He was so kind. Every girl was so jealous of me. He had blonde hair that fall perfectly with his aqua blue eye‘s. Every one was always telling me how I got him. We were so happy together I don’t know what happen to him he change so fast after the summer break.


“Alex…stop!!” I yelled at him with a playful laugh for throwing water at me . He grabbed me by the waist and gave me a kiss so gentle but yet passionate. With him I felt so safe and complete, he copped me face and put his hand on my cheeks. “I love you… you know that right” I nodded kissing him again this time stronger more passionate then ever. We felled into the water. The water so warm and the waves where going slow it was like they know what was going to happen yet is was romantic. A week after that he changed just like that he got jealous if I hugged a guy or even talk to them he got jealous. What really scared me was that night. The last night when I broke up with him. “I cant…. breathe….”I said trying to catch my breathe but I couldn’t. His hands got tighter as he pin me to the wall. Now I really thought I was going to die. “If I ever catch….talking to him…I swear your going to regret …because next time I wont let go of you” he whisper into my ears. He hands dropped to his side. While I fell down trying to catch my breath but I found it more painful. I cant leave like this. “Its over!!!” I yelled at him. He could notice the fear he cause. It was like something came over him. Tears roll down my eyes. Well for the next few week I’ll wearing a scarf. I knew he left when I heard the front door slammed shut. I didn’t even notice that I was crying for a whole 1 hour. My brother Jack came I told what happen. “He’s so dead!!” he said with anger flowing in him it was like instead of blood running through his vein it was pure anger. ******Back to the Future*** I stopped telling Declan what happened when I heard a knock on the door. I jumped from fear thinking that he finally found me. When Declan open the door I ran to my brother crying. When he hugged I felt safe. Not only because he’s an a FBI Agent but because he’s my blood and flesh. He was there with through everything. He wipe my tears and got rid off of my fears. I love him because of that. “I not going to let him touch you….” he trailed off for a few second and then added, “not over my dead body.. I promise” How can I not love my brother he’s the one the would go through hell just to save me. I felt tired. I cant go to sleep not now I need to stay awake. “should go to sleep, you loop tire” I nodded okay and went to bed with Declan behind me. While I lay in bed thinking, questioning myself. He was supposed to be dead. Why did they lie to me? What really happened to him?. I finally closed my eyes giving in. “No!!!!…… I do anything please just don’t hurt him… please Alex!!!” I found myself screaming it to him. I cant let him. Even though I was not facing them and I didn’t now who the person was I felt this weird connection like I know him. “Turn around…..” he said “Turn around Rose!!!!” he yelled. I was frozen when I saw who it was. I couldn’t move. Then he starter bleeding. I ran to him I just ran. When I saw him bleeding out. I put his head on my lap. There was so much blood. “don’t die please” I cry. “ I Love you Rose Carly Wilson” I woke up grasping for air. I didn’t notice when I starter crying. Suddenly my head was on my brother chest. “Is okay…it was just a nightmare” he said trying to comfort me. “It wasn’t a dream it happen he died…” “and I didn’t stop it I just stood there” I said trying to breath but I couldn’t. I knew that if he let go of me I was going to break into tiny little crystal. I was calm now. As breath in and out like the therapist told to do when I felt like this. “are you calm now?” I just nodded ‘yes’. “I need to know if your going to stay calm and not freak out or anything” his when he