Having to let my Dad Fly, Terri Ann Collins [free e reader .TXT] 📗

door led to the next part of the building so hence the carnival funhouse effect..)

I met my sister outside, She had told me she was looking for me. She had hought I was in some distress. My mom had soon also came through the door. It was so weird. None of us knew that area was there. But three us of ended up there at the same time.

Now this is when things happen in slow motion for me. My mom had lit a cigarette, I was clutching this brwon bag (busting me of my weakenss)... lightinig was still lighting the darkend sky and I remember my sister and I were telling my mom we were afraid to get hit by the lightning. Then suddenly I just knew... Knew something terrible had happened. I saw another sister walking quickly towards us through that door, she had a neice and nephew in tow. I looked to my other sister and said something is wrong. Sure enough my sister busted through the door and these were her words.

"where is mom? "

I looked to my mom and headed in her dirrection.

"Mom ... dad.... come... mom, come on dad needs you"

A tingling, numb, shaky feeling creeped into my blood...

My mom took off into the door... a half cigarette burning on the ground...

My sister that had been standing with me swiftly followed behind my mom, and I was at the back of the line. I walked swiftly behind, trying to get there...

I just kept thinking " o no.... o no.... o no....

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We walked into my dads room. Silence...

"Mom he's gone..."

My oldest sister clung on to his hand.

What gone?

I looked to my dad. At first glance he looked to be sleeping silently.

I am not going to go further into the details EXCEPT... eight of us stood in the room.

Of course there were quiet muffled sounds.. One sister held onto my mom on one side of my dads bed, two sisters and a brother in law were on the other side of the bed, I was at the foot of my dads bed, and another sister and her husband were standing off by the door.

NO.....NO....NO....

This isn't real this can't be happening!!!!

Nooooooo!!!!!

My brain just could not handle the truth.

If I had just been in the room.... I would have been there....


The choking sound was in my throat again, I felt I couldn't breath, I leaned onto my dads bed, at his feet and began to pray the best I could in my head, through the eerie quiet, ... I prayed my dad into heaven. I prayed for forgiveness for not being in the room when he had passed.

I LITERALLY HAD A THOUGHT TO JUMP ON TOP OF HIS BED AND GIVE CPR ON HIM!!!!!!!!!!

NO recessitation was to be given to my dad.


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It took three hours for the funeral home to arrive, they waited patiently for some last family members to arrive to say their goodbye's.

I got as close to my dad as I could, hugged him, held his head in my arms, kissed him and told him I loved him..... walked out of the room and stood...

I must call my husband. How could I speak of this to my husband. Words didn't want to form in my head, let alone my mouth...

I somehow called him, and when he answered I hadn't spoken right away... I remember finally saying

"We lost dad... come" and hung up.

I felt faint and sat crossleged outside my dads room on the floor of the Hospice facility and held my head in my hands, seeing flip flops, jym shoes, and dress shoes pass me by.

My husband arrived and I remember thinking "how are we all going to survive this grief?"

DAD... The rock of the family... Gone

I stood up and it was then I seen how so very small my mom had looked. I can't describe the hurt I felt for her. It would be impossible to put into words.

And so I write this memory to honor my dad. He was very strong. He hadn't spoken that last day.

And it was then I realized the gifts I received the day before...

"Memory time" still echoes in my ears a year later.

And so that day was a day I remember as Having to let my dad fly. That storm. Everytime I hear thunder, see lightning, and see the downpour of rain.... I think ......

That night the heavens had opened up and my dad had flown.


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To my family: It has been such a difficult time this last year. The last few months has been the most difficult for me. It seems the shock has worn off and now I grieve. Mornings are the worst. I wake up and think of my mom. A widow. A word that I wish never had to exsist. I have become distant from my family these last few months. I have run... run from seeing in my mother's eyes the pain that reflects right back at me...

I love my sisters, brother, neices, nephews... Although I am not near ...each and everyone of you are on my mind everyday that I wake. I am just trying to grieve.

And especially to my mom... I am sorry...I broke...I have let you down...I love you and miss you very much!


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Text: Terri Ann Collins
Publication Date: 07-30-2012

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