The Other Son, Victor Augello [classic books for 11 year olds txt] 📗

I remember recently, as my oldest daughter and her husband struggle to raise active children, a conversation I had with her. I told her that it was rare for her and her sisters to disobey me. They knew I was serious in what I said and if they didn’t listen, there would be consequences (Super Nanny would have been proud of me!).

The one thing I did once and only once was spank my eldest. After I saw the strength in my own hands, I never struck any of my children ever again. I remained serious about discipline as did their Mother and they always knew that despite that discipline, there was an incredible amount of love present. Till today, I consider myself close to my daughters. I am sure there are some things they don’t share with me, but since I am older and wiser, I count on my intuition to help me process through conversations with them and help when and where I can! Trust has to flow naturally in communications and I feel that’s an integral part of who we are as a family.

With their Florida cousins, things were certainly different. I can remember problems with ADHD, which I believe were never fully addressed. Aside from that, as they aged into teens, these southern counterparts were going through events I was almost aghast at and certainly could not understand. Car accidents, sexual dramas big and small, and these forced me to wonder why these things were happening down there and not up north. Frankly, I thanked God. Needless to say, these antics involved my parents to an intimate degree, one which they did not share with me with any great detail, at least not in all one chunk. The events that I was hearing about from a distance only served to foster an inseparable link between my family in the south and that link eventually melted into a solid circle of trust that would not be unbound by anyone else including me. I have never been sure if there were emotional issues connected with these misbehaviors or what exactly the situation may have been but suffice it to say, I received this in small doses as not to have too much revealed to me. The secret society was beginning to form. These issues continue till today and the drama has not ended. I am still amazed that after all these years, the same types of dramas are still going on.

The bond my family was forging was not to be broken or disturbed when early in 2000, a decision was made to re-enter the same emotional merry-go-round that I left some twenty some odd years ago. I didn’t know it at the time, but this is what it was to be for the next decade, in more ways than one. After a divorce and meeting a wonderful woman, it was clear that remaining in New York in the 2000’s was going to be a financial burden for us both. With that in mind and since we both were beach lovers, it was a no brainer after a visit to the Florida family to try to relocate here and establish a new life for ourselves, using my family as an anchor. Leaving Florida in my young 20’s and returning as a seasoned mature mid 40’s man meant a whole set of different ideologies and paradigm shifts for me and my new girlfriend.

Arriving in Florida without jobs and a truckload of boxes, the only hint I had at the time of any negativity to my arrival was my brother’s reluctance to discuss with me any brotherly bonding ideas that I mentioned to him when I was in New York. I remember mentioning coaching a little league team and that was met with a resistance that struck me as odd, but I planted that in the back of my head. I wondered why he wasn’t as excited as I was for me to rejoin the family here?

Perhaps I should have thought more about the move. Perhaps I should have thought of history more. I was wrapped up in the positivity of the day and the wonderful changes that happened in my life! I had left them decades ago. I had forced the closing of the restaurant before we all were penniless. The circle of trust had been forged and I never saw myself as an interference in this mechanization, until and only until I came down and started to experience the interactions with the family I had left previously. It was subtle at first. My girlfriend, later to become my wife, was accepted but her degree of positivity, composure and style may have caused a bit of stress to a family who wasn’t used to that at all! They remembered the Me of years ago and didn’t fully appreciate yet the man I had become. And that meant a very different perspective on life without doubt.

Upon rejoining the family, things were fairly good, and to some degree they had to be since my girlfriend and I were living with Mom and Dad for what turned out to be almost a year. That feat was easy for me but for my girlfriend, who was used to a great degree of privacy from living alone for quite some time, it was much harder. Things that she took for granted as being “her business”, were now open to my parent’s eyes and ears. That was quite hard for a very independent woman who was used to dealing with her own affairs and having that exposure was a change of pace. She did not get used to it at all.

Family gatherings or dinner dates with my parents seemed to be providing the most interesting challenge during the time we lived with them for those short months. It seemed that no matter when my girlfriend and I asked to have a dinner date or just go out on the town, my Mother had to check with the entire clan to see who was available for these socialites. That usually meant a brother, his wife and his two children. I find it difficult enough to get together with one daughter today, let alone getting a clan together. That was a consistent roadblock to sanity.

It was at times, the most frustrating thing we were experiencing. We were not totally aware of this society which we were not part of. Even my sister-in-law mentioned to my girlfriend that she was tired of hearing about her, in a tongue to cheek way of speaking but serious indeed. I am not sure my Mother was aware of it or not, but she was causing some strain between us all when trying to figure these plans out. It became a literal fiasco. Mom always had a habit of pushing too hard, of trying to be inclusive at every step of the way, in every way, especially when it came to my brother and his family. It definitely pushed the boundaries of patience and understanding. It seemed to us that there would be a major insult if they were not included in absolutely everything we did.

By the time my girlfriend and I moved out of their home, we were starting to feel a strain in our relationships, what could be called a mini smothering of family at each and every turn. Keep in mind that for all of these past years, I had grown into my own man, and with the advent of meeting my girlfriend, I had blossomed fully into the man I wanted to be and knew I always was. Along with that, came a high degree of confidence and assuredness in myself that I never experienced before. I had become ME and was so happy about it!

That change was not something that anyone in the south was prepared for. I had left as an insecure twenty some-odd year old and returned a confident forty some-odd year old complete with a new life and a new outlook. That rebirth certainly collided with a family who had not undergone any major “structural” changes in their lives in the last two decades from a relational standpoint in the circle of trust. Here I was in the midst of an insider’s club becoming slowly but surely, in the next decade, a total outsider. The only one who perhaps might have understood the same thing was my nephew’s first wife, and she was smart enough to leave out of that situation after a year of marriage and living with my brother and his family. She apparently didn’t like merry-go-rounds.


I could never understand the relationship between my Mother and my brother. I had for years considered my relationship with my parents as a very close one. Coming back to Florida, I realized the symbiotic relationship shared by these two was something I didn’t have nor would I ever have. Independence was a key word in my life and looking at the dynamics of my family, I realized that interdependency was the keyword there. That didn’t quite fit with my lifestyle as I had been used to being on my own for too long to be dependent on just about anyone, as was my girlfriend. Even as a married man, I was very independent.
Family gatherings were always interesting. No matter what the occasion, there was always a need for a quick, secretive “huddle” between either my Mom and brother or him and my parents.

We could not help but wonder what all of these clandestine meetings were about and they left us stumped and curious for sure. After they broke up, there was always some heavy emotion attached to them. It was amazing to watch. I had rarely if ever requested a private audience with neither my Mother, nor my parents and if I had one, it was to discuss a small matter, not any matter of utmost urgency, which all of these seemed to be. The differences were beginning to mount up for us. My brother is the type of fellow who takes up a lot of space and his physical presence is appreciative. You notice him immediately and can’t help but be drawn in by his being there. Our differences as human beings and brothers could not be further apart.

How do I explain that difference? Well, Tony Soprano versus Tom Hanks, in a very loose sense of the word. My four years in college, a stint in the seminary along with my disposition as an easy going, humorous, non-competitive guy could not be further from the image of a guy who was wound tight, was a ranking law enforcement officer, was competitive and who ruled with an iron fist. I spoke with emotional intelligence; he spoke with his physical presence and might and commanding voice. He quite often chided me that he was thought of as unintelligent and opinionated because of his large presence and diction but in my years of experience with other law enforcement personnel, his personality was all his own and was not to be linked necessarily to his occupation. That would have meant that he let his job define him, which I do believe was the case. It was the perfect job for a guy like him. Forceful, determined, a strong leader, a presence to be dealt with if you had him on his wrong side and rewarding if you obeyed. That was him both professionally and personally. He took charge of EVERYTHING in his life.

For years all I had heard was what a terrible hard job my brother had. He told me he was a prisoner to his job even in a literal sense of the word and my parents were quick to remind me what a tough career he had. “Jim, your poor brother works so