The Other Son, Victor Augello [classic books for 11 year olds txt] 📗

way I could get the truth was for my Father to pick up the phone and call me to chat about the family dramas while my Mother was out doing chores. It gave him an outlet he didn’t enjoy with my brother, obviously!

The eventual decade decline of my relationship with my Mother and also the death of my relationship with my brother had everything to do with hiding the truth, of keeping the circle closed, of protecting themselves from outside eyes, of not accepting us for who we were. I was such an intrusion that it created too many problems for them. We had too many opportunities to see their reality and it collided completely with our sane, sensible, balanced lives. Rather than deal with me, it was easier to systematically eliminate us through complaints of mistreatment, missteps, slights and exaggerations that really didn’t amount to much at all, if anything, except for the fact that we saw through all the smoke, which lead to further disintegration and estrangement. We were more honest about these situations than they were and that was a threat to them. The truth was quite destructive and I am sure, embarrassing.

Eventually Mom had to make a choice. The inner circle or me. Accept my world as the truth or continue to hide in the circle. What relationship was easier to maintain? The answer was obvious and didn’t take much thought. The eventuality was a separation caused by all of these horrific misdeeds by myself and my wife, but also widened a separation that had already existed for many years and culminated here. My brother’s behavior also gave my children the opportunity to let him know that his treatment of us was unfair and unacceptable and that they should not communicate anymore until this passed. He had lost control of his relationship with his nieces as well and that must have been devastating for him as a control expert. As far as my entire family was concerned, including my ex, his behavior was not welcome.

I can’t say I was jealous of the relationship my brother and Mother share. If anything, it is a relationship I do not understand nor one that I can fathom from its depth of connectivity. It goes beyond being close. It might even be that Italian curse that so many men share for their Mothers, being tied to their apron strings. A symbolic tie together of the child’s umbilical cord to Mom’s very being. I never had that feeling as I didn’t ever consider myself needy of that type of relationship. I was certain I was close to my parents. I had for years enjoyed a warm close relationship with them. Loving, caring, participative. Perhaps though that isn’t enough. Too many emotions come into play and one of the worse I have seen here is dependency. I don’t think I had spent more than a few hours alone with my Mother in the decade I have lived here or rarely went on an outing with her alone. It was always and still is my brother and her. Whenever I am told about family decisions from my Father, he makes sure to tell me that, “Your Mother and brother think… (whatever it might be)”. I am always an afterthought. The other son. Always the outsider.

And what of Dad? He is barely mentioned here but suffered from being outvoted and overridden in just about every instance in his later years and has become a footnote in the family. His voice is only considered when his once active roar gets loud enough or serious enough. He was a man of fortitude and backbone who in his later years had given up all authority to my Mother and he caved in to the whims of my brother. The circle of trust in essence, choked him out as well. His weakened health and the resignation of controlling his own destiny became his trademark. He is literally threw the towel in. Gave up. Resigned. That was not something I could look up to and I felt sad that he gave much control of his life.

What have I learned? From MY perspective, as far as being the second child, I am equal. I am valued. I am a good person. Maybe not in the eyes of my family but in the eyes of others. My wife. My children. My friends. My colleagues. Even though at every step of the way in this flowering crescendo, a concerted effort existed by my Mother and brother to destroy that confidence, that plan, whether consciously or subconsciously, it never worked on me. I may have lost out but they lost more. They lost everyone who lived outside the inner circle. Trust destroyed. Love diminished. Hope lost. Sad, so sad. I remain standing and independent.

The dysfunctionality of the inner circle remains intact and I am more than happy to have checked out of the show and focused again on my health and other more important things in my life, like my new grandchildren, travelling with my wife and enjoying life to the fullest. I respect my parents as best as I can while recognizing that our relationship is not what it once was. Dad will pass on one day and when he gets called back home to the Lord, he will understand the truth. Mom, for her part, will be totally dependent on my brother for everything and that will mean an entire loss of control for her own life, something which I don’t think she has ever given thought to or even wants to. It is written. It is done. It is the way it was meant to be and will never be any different.

I remain the other son, the seccond child,and am content to be so. Imprint

Publication Date: 07-01-2011

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Dedication:
Dedicated to all of those who struggle in relationships. There is hope.