Broken Halo, Ispeak Woods [web based ebook reader txt] 📗

Does any species on the face of this earth understand the meaning of love? Do they understand that it is a state of mind, an act of devotion, and much too often misused? I thought I knew what love was, but life has a way of altering your perception of love. It's a true mystery that even the most intelligent fail to gasp, and the most undeserving benefit significally from. 

Though all the things that love may be, it still wasn't enough to save my family. It wasn't enough to hold back the undeniable truths that tore us apart. Love surely wasn't enough to hold the beautifully painted lies we crafted over the years, oh the lies untied effortlessly. Love had no strength against the lies, and quickly wilted like a forgotten rose. My mother's death was the last bit of love leaving my body, and I finally felt free in that. I stood over my mother and looked her in the eyes for the last time. I watched the life leave her eyes, I witnessed love destroying her far worse than the wounds she had suffered at my hands. The fear of losing the things she loved burned her heart. Never again feeling the love of her family and the love of her life. I felt nothing for her in that moment. Peace was at my front door, so I opened the door and turned my back on love. Diving ambitiously into the arms of peace, realizing that I would never love again.

I never realized how much the truth would shape my existence, the people I loved, and the things I believed in. I always knew I was a different from others. I could feel that difference in every part of my being. My attentive mother tried her best to comfort me in my times of insecurity. I couldn't leap from high places or smell fear in humans like my family could. I could only love them and learn from them. I always felt like a puzzle piece that went with the picture but was manufactured incorrectly. There was never a time I fit in with my family or felt one with them.

The night I discovered I wasn't like my family was completely devastating for me. The night was still young, and I was still worrying about normal teenage things. I stood there looking in my mirror admiring my new body with curious eyes. I was turning eighteen in 9 months and my body was developing so quickly. I just kept thinking about finally growing up and leaving this strange town. My thoughts were temporarily interrupted by my brother Galvin's loud footsteps. He was always so over dramatic and annoying. His knock was always very loud as well, so I tried really hard to ignore him. I had no time to fight with Galvin this time; my mind was racing because of Tyson.

Tyson was a rage of a boy, with long dreaded hair and skin as dark as evil thoughts. He had already phased at 16; so, he was full grown in nature, but lacked respect and self-control. This was always a cause of concern for me, but I often brushed it off as a part of his wild nature. He was 6ft 7inches tall, his arms and back ripple with muscles and strength. His body was constantly hot and beaming energy underneath my fingertips. Rumor had it that Tyson was my mate by force. My father set it up when I was five years old. We never talked about it, but everyone knew we had no real connection. Secretly some of the pack members despised my father's way of thinking but no one spoke up. My father was ruthless and powerful, but I loved him just the same.

I could hardly think with all the noise at my door. Galvin was kicking and banging, but I continued to block him out. I had gotten a compliment from Tyson that day at school. Which was a rare thing coming from him. We always liked to keep others guessing about us. We would even fake a fight just to start a rumor and get people to talking. It was always funny to hear what lie they could make up next. We were always being silly like that. We also had other times though; times were he completely took my breath away. I lived for the way he would grab a fist full of my hair and kiss me. Even though I felt he was imagining someone else.

Then there were times he was craving his mate. He would go for days without speaking to me. He would become wild with fever and depression. I would call him back to back and he wouldn't answer. I just couldn't get him to come around no matter how hard I tried. I was so selfish when it came to his suffering. I could only imagine his breath hot on my neck, his warm fingertips in my scalp. I couldn't live in those moments long enough. The mere thought sent chills down my spine. There was no end to the thoughts that crowed my mind. Galvin's loud banging finally annoyingly re-entered my head again. I could hear him loud and clear now. 

"Come on Halo, it's happening, Trisha and I are phasing! HALO, please call mom! Trisha looks hurt!"

 In that moment, I was completely snatched from my thoughts. I could only look at the bottom of the door where I could see my brother's shadow. I was so afraid to open the door, so I slowly reached for it. Then I quickly removed my hand away from the nob, I was so afraid of the truth. I waited for this to happen all my life, but why was I so afraid now? I then heard a loud scream outside my window, it was Trisha, my sister. She had one hand on her car, and she was holding her stomach with the other. She looked like she was bleeding and had thrown up. I knew I should've been worried about Trisha and Galvin, but for a second, my thoughts crippled me. I could only wonder why I wasn't changing too, why was I still in human form.

I feared this day, the day that I would be the only one that couldn't phase. Galvin and Trisha were around the same age as me, we were supposed to phase on the same moon. Emily, and Hollyn phased on the same moon, so did my mother and her siblings. So, what the hell was happening to me? I was scared to look at them, but I was even more terrified for them to see me. I scrabbled for my phone and began to call my dad. Tears started to fill my eyes as I slammed my body down on the bed. Through tightly clenched teeth I began to tell my father that we were phasing. The words were only half true, I was not phasing.  I felt hate digging at my heart for the first time in my life. I could hear my oldest brother Tahoe at my door helping Galvin.

 "Breathe Galvin, I have to get you outside." said Tahoe.

 I could hear my mother's car door slam shut, and then she was at my door in a flash. 

"Why didn't you call your father sooner? Trisha crashed on the way here and she looks pretty bad Halo." Said my mother, as she fiercely scolded me through my closed bedroom door.

 I heard more commotion and small chatter at my door as well. It sounded like everyone was home and standing right outside my room. No one bothered to check on me though, what about what didn't happen to me? Shouldn't I have been checked on? They've always treated me like I was fragile, but what about now? After being perceived as fragile I had finally broken.

Silence finally coated the walls of my room again, which was only more depressing. I felt blank, empty, and alone in my room. I stood up to look outside of my window. I could see them having a pack meeting. Other members of the pack had arrived and brought their children to witness the phasing. I could see my mother and father starting a fire near the woods for their first hunt with Galvin and Trisha. My sister Emily stood by the car with her mate Jace. Galvin and Trisha were being restrained by my sister Hollyn and my brother Tahoe. My baby brother Kain was the only one looking up at my bedroom window. His eyes were dark, and his face was full of pain, the pain was for me. I looked up to see the moon; it was full and shining so bright. By the time I looked back down, the entire pack was phased. One question sent me into a rage inside, 

"what am I?" 

My torn question fell on the windowpane and wasn't heard by anyone. The next day was even harder for me. I rolled out of bed and threw on a sweatshirt and gym pants. I didn't even comb my hair or wash my face. When I got to school, I just went straight to class. I really wanted to get this day over with. Tyson was ignoring my phone calls all night and I knew why. He was sick from craving his mate. This connection between a man and his mate deeply confused me. I felt like I would never experience the connection.

I finally made it to the last class of the day, and I was at my breaking point. Everyone was asking me what was wrong. They all felt the need to make light of the fact that Tyson was out for the day sick and I looked a mess. I just made my way into class and pretended not to hear them. 

Mr. Camden was already yelling at the class for the outburst of an overly opinionated student. His voice was so high pitched and was starting to get on my nerves. Yelling as loud as he could he went on and on, 

"You must understand science and take class more seriously guys!" 

Mr. Camden's voice was ringing in my ears; I could barely hold back tears from last night and now this? I still felt the pain, and it was like a hangover today. My head was spinning, and everyone was whispering about me. My teacher was going on and on about how science has shaped our lives. I just couldn't take it anymore and I felt a break down coming on.

I placed my head in my hands and began to cry. I didn't care who was looking or pointing at me. This wasn't a joke, this time it was real. I looked up to see Mr. Camden hovering over me. He was sick of the games me and Tyson always played to get out of class. He slammed a book down on my desk and shouted at me, 

"We have no room for that here Halo; get out of my classroom NOW!" 

I lifted my head slowly and let rage have its way. 

"Go to hell!" I screamed.

The words must have fallen silent because he got closer to my face. Looking me dead in the eyes he said, 

"What did you just say young lady?" 

So, I loudly repeated myself, 

"Go... to... HELL!" 

The words burnt my throat as they fell from my lips. Pointing toward the door he yelled, 

"Halo get out of my class right now, you have until the count of three!" 

I grabbed my backpack and headed for the door. The whole class stared with their mouths open. I made sure to kick Mr. Camden's desk on the way out. I didn't deserve to be treated like I didn't matter.

I just didn't feel like anything mattered anymore. My family stayed out all night, and my brother