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CHAPTER 1. WHAT IF ANGELS COULD DIE?


What if angels could die, would we suffer loss? Were would they go when they die?
Would they get heaven? Would god deny them? Would the same rules apply? Why do guardian angels guard us, sit on our shoulders? With all there glory are we worthy? Gods children gods first. Gods obedient gods perfect. Humans are flawed extremely flawed. we sin we kill we sicken we die. We are weak. We follow we steal we lie. We create we make life we make our own. We have heaven and hell fighting for our souls. The grandest landlords so to speak. Who will collect the winning lottery ticket? What makes us worthy of any of it?




Just the many questions I bombard myself with whenever I have too much time on my hands. I have to stop thinking like this. I'll drive myself mad. Oh well what the hell maybe I’ll call tiffany. I roll over to the other side of my bed and reach for my cell phone. I have an HTC hero. gay. Well actually it's a really cool phone I have awesome app's like a barcode scanner and metal detector. For whatever one might need those things for, I’m not entirely sure. Went in my contacts found tiff and dialed. (Ringing)One... two... three... well guess she's not going to answer. "Hey! you reached Tiff cant come to the phone right now, I’m chasing my short bus because I left my helmet on it, leave a message!" Wow Tiff. Wow. Cant say its not you, typical Tiffany, my best friend. Gesh girl, 22 years old, same age as me and still a damn goof! I wouldn’t have it any other way. her and I, we're a special breed. " Hey speal, its me Sam. Umm... just calling to see what your up to. I dunno call me back or something k? Bye."



Well, ok I guess I’ll just get ready for work early, I only have to be there in an hour and a half, that's not too bad. What can I say I’m virtually a loser. I sit up and get off my bed, and walk to the bathroom. Whew (whistle sound) I look icky! Ah hell who am I kidding I look like shit! Ha. My dark brown hair is all askew. last night's mascara is all smudged around my eyes, all though it made pretty cool effect like the perfect smoky eye by accident! Ok that stays. But I really need some lotion, some cover up, and my hair has to be straightened. There’s just no time to take a shower and start the process for curls, not if I wanna show up super early like I planned. Besides I just don't feel like it. So I bounce back into my room to put some music on.

I chose the white lie's because I love the song "to lose my life" its my favorite right now. All the songs on my mix cd are my favorite. I made the CD myself, I prefer it that way, that way I’m never unsatisfied. Then I danced my way back to the bathroom. I washed my face, but not around my eyes to preserve the accidental awesomeness that it was. Combed my hair, then straightened. Applied lotion, some Almay and boom.. Done!
Went to my closet, which wasn't too big but thankfully not small either, and picked out an outfit. The walls matched the color of my bedroom a gorgeous turquoise. I first saw the color when I was 10, in the gulf of Mexico with my grandparents. It was the color of the water their, and it took my breath away. And so hints the room color. Its accented in a shimmering gold around the border (sand) and I love it. The song changes to the band The Moxy another favorite of mine, the song "step down" wafted into the closet. I walked out, and into my room and got dressed. Grabbed my keys off my dresser and walked down stairs. Went to my fridge grabbed a bottle of cold as ice water, a banana and walked out the door.



Outside was beautiful. The sun was a shinning, the air smelled of flowers, sunshine, and someone near by cooking on their grill. Yummy! I continued down the drive and opened my car and got in. My car is the best. it's a 2000 green Saab, with the 2.3 turbo. Its got black leather seats, that heat and cool. I know awesome right? Its not all shnazzy. Its practically forgettable in its appearance, but it's the car for me. On the right side in the front it has a little accident damage, (from the previous owners) and some about to be rust bubbling up. Don't bother me none, adds character. Started my baby up, and got the shit scared out of me. I had forgotten my radio had been on full blast before I turned off the car, and "Barracuda, by Heart" deafened me. I laughed it off and turned it down, but not off. Great song it was, lots of ummmpf! I liked ummmpf. I drove to work.

Another boring day at grub way, a.k.a. subway. Everyday rain or shine, snow or the apocalypse, I work here from 2pm until 10pm. Everyday. I got the cheapest boss ever, I get no employee discount at all what so ever. I barely get my break. I swear every time its time for me to take it, he calls everyone he knows. We get swamped and I get no break. He even counts the squirts of condiments we use, how insane is that? "No, no, no! You do it wrong. Too many!" In his Indian accent he says. Its actually kinda cute his accent, too bad it comes from him. Eww. He's balding, he's the same height as me, 5"8. And he's got some extra weight on his meat suit. I shudder icky-ly. With work now out of the way I make my way back to my green beauty. I start my darling and she purrs to life. “Ahh!” so grateful to inhale the scent of new car smell, rather then grub way.

Utterly refreshing. I pull out of the lot onto the Main street. Ironically its called Main St. go figure? Boogieing down the road to the haunting tunes of H.I.M. I stop at the 7TH red-light. I swear this street runs on forever. -" crawl down dead lover's lane, the maze of memory's stain, and suck the blood right out of my heart..." I sing aloud. Tapping the steering wheel to the beat, when the light changes green. My foot a ready on the gas gives in, and off I go. Out of the corner of my left eye I saw light. Two lights. Headlights coming right at me. I turn towards them and I scream a blood curdling scream, right as the approaching car hits home. Then blackness.


CHAPTER 2. NOT NOTHINGNESS.


"Hello? miss... miss... wake up!" nothingness..... "Oh god!" nothingness.... "She's bleeding badly, where's the ambulance?" faintly I hear them. the talking. Its so dark. nothingness...... what is this? nothingness....... I’m scared!
I cant move. I cant see. I don’t even know if what I heard was real. I cant stay coherent. nothingness.....


Funny dream....

I’m back in high school, of all places.... in the hallway at my locker reaching for my Motorolla phone. Ohmygod! I remember this!..... this is when i got a text from Scott....... sure enough..... bringgggg!........... I see my self open my phone and there it is...

FROM Scott: 401-632-5555
TO: 401-455-1892

hey meet me @ prov plc mall garage @ 7
waterfire's @ 8 n i want us to get dinner 1st
txt me when ur here. -s.



Oh my god! Scott, Scott Jeffrey! I worshiped the ground he walked on. This... this was a life altering moment for me. I had been wanting his fine ass since freshman year. We're seniors now, shit better late then never right? Oh my god love, love that boy. I jumped up and down and squealed like pig. I glowed like those summer bugs you catch when your a kid, the fly’s that light up. Oh man this was great.........

-Funny why would I be dreaming this?..........

Scott and I are downtown Providence now, sitting on the stone steps of Water Place Park. In front of us the water glows with the dancing flames of the fires. gondoliers, and motorboats float through the fire pyres, filled with eager tourists, young and old couples, and just friends having a great time.

Scott's sitting so close our thighs are touching. I’m wearing my grey dress with a colorful random pattern on it that I got from Old Navy. My hair was longer then, hanging down my back in gorgeous loose wave's. A loose strand flutters in the wind, and Scott reaches up and puts it back in its place. His hand gently touches my face on his way of placing the unruly strand back, and I shudder from his touch. A gesture so small sent me reeling, my heart an eager helicopter ready for flight. Scott, turned to me now, has the most delicious blue eyes ever!

The color of the waters in Jamaica. I’d swim in them any day, sharks, Paraná’s, didn’t matter. He's got the must luscious hair, black and curling, about 3 inches long. Scotts tall 6"3 with abb's I could wash my clothes on. He's not all tan like the other boys his skin was naturally glowing. Olive complected, Scott was Italian. He had sexy strawberry colored lips, full and ripe for the picking. Mmm. It took effort the size of a Mac truck not to attack his ass right here and now. Oh my god those eyes.... I could fall right into them..... and never be heard from again.... oh well.... boy gave me goose bumps. Mmm. "I love your hair, its so beautiful." Scott said seductively.

OH MY GOD! I just died... no really I can recall my heart stopped beating, the paramedics came and everything... ok maybe not but I did die, figuratively speaking of course. "Don’t touch her! She could have a spinal injury!" "What did you just say?" I asked Scott. " I said I love your hair, its so beautiful." He replied " No,

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