DAYZ OF WINTERZ PAST, SHADELRA [book recommendations .txt] 📗

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Horace stood on his back padio and lit the last cigarette he had in his pack. He put his finger in the pack and twirled it around, hoping he would somehow discover one more cancer stick. He crushed the pack and threw it down in disgust. It was a friday morning and he did not get paid until monday afternoon. He was flat broke and he wondered how he would make it threw the week without going thru nicotine withdrawal. "Maybe i can gather some loose change" he thought to himself. He cursed the powers that be who raised the price of a pack of smokes to damn near seven dollars. Horace inhaled the smoke deep as he enjoyed the beautiful morning. It was a surprisingly warm mid-december day. "It has to be close to sixty degrees" he thought. There was a vibration coming from his left pocket. He took out his cellphone and looked at the incoming call. Horace sucked his teeth. It was helena, the mother of his son. She had been blowing up his phone all week, in the process leaving a couple of nasty messages. The phone continued to ring. Helena was determined to keep calling until she forced him to answer. Horace decided to answer it, knowing he could not avoid the drama forever. "Yeah" is how he answered, no emotion in his voice. "So you finally decided to answer" helena said. Her voice was cold as ice. "I've been busy, you know with work." "I work as well, you should still make time for your son." Helena's statement stung horace like a hive of angry bees. She always did know the right buttons to push to piss him off. "So what can i do for you?" he asked, trying not to blow his top. "Well, if you had listened to any of my messages, you would know i did not receive my child support payment." "Here we go with this shit again" he thought. "Helena you know that they take it straight out of my check." "Well, you need to call them to make sure they sent it off." Horace bit his bottom lip. He wanted to tell her to kiss his ass so bad, but he didn't have the energy to argue with her. "Okay, i will give them a call." "When are you going to pick up your son? It's been almost a month" she asked. "I know, it's just that i have alot going on. It won't be this weekend, so i'll get him next weekend." Helena let out a big sigh. It was clear that she wasn't happy about his answer. "Horace i can't do this by myself, speaking of which did you pick up the XBOX devante wanted for christmas?" "I have to be real with you, i won't be able to get it until after christmas" he replied. "Horace, you promised he would get it on christmas day!" She was getting irritated. "What do you want me to do? They're cutting out overtime at my job, i have to pay bills here, shit i'm broke." "What your son wants you to do is step up to the plate and be a real father,and don't make promises you can't keep!" Horace was about to respond, but she hung up on him. "Bitch!" he yelled in the phone only to be answered by the dial tone. Horace was a good natured person, but if there was one person he despised it was his ex wife. He had known helena since they were teenagers. Over the years they had a stormy relationship which resulted in the birth of their son, devante. Horace was raised with morals and he felt like if he had a child with helena, he should marry her. The ill-fated marriage only lasted a year and a half. His son was the best thing to come out of the rocky union. Horace tried his best to to be involved in his son's life, but helena was a woman scorned and she made it difficult. Horace had always seen on the news men who did some brutal act against their spouse. "I don't agree but i understand" he thought to himself. He laughed out loud as he made his way upstairs. "God forgive me" he said. Horace was exhausted. He had worked the overnight shift and he was ready to take a hot shower and hop into bed. He stripped his clothes off and looked at himself in the bedroom mirror. He was broke and tired, tired and broke. It seemed like his life was a bad rerun. He tried to crack a smile, but he could not bring himself to do it. "I need a haircut" he thought. He was about to hop in the shower when his current girlfriend janet called. It was the only thing that could cheer horace up. He had met met her right after his split with helena. He was resistant to getting involved with her at first, but her warmth and sensitivity had won him over. He moved from Pennsylvania to where she lived, Virginia and had not looked back ever since. "Hey baby, how is your morning going?" he answered. "Not so good, i'm ready to come home" she replied. "You didn't sleep good last night? It sounds like you're tired." "I just have alot on my mind, that's all" she replied. Horace was scared to ask what, but he did anyway. "What's on your mind?" Janet took a deep breath. It seemed to horace everytime a woman did this, it was a warning sign. "Horace, i need help. These bills are kicking my butt, the little bit of money you give me is not enough." "The little bit? I give you all that i have! You know that i pay child support, i give you whatever i have left" horace said. "Baby, i understand your situation. You don't make that much money, but you have to push a little hard to get ahead." He wanted to protest, but deep down he knew she was right. "Horace? You still there?" He didn't know what to say. "Yeah" he said softly. "I'm not trying to put you down. I beleive in you. You can do it." Horace knew he had to humble himself. "I hear you." "Okay baby, i have to go try to get some rest" she said. "Love you too." He hung up the phone and tossed it on the bed. Horace felt lower then low. Janet made way more money then him, so she had to handle the bulk of the bills. There was not much of his check left after they took out child support, and every tax you could think of. "Who the hell is FICA anyway" he thought. He wished he could give janet the world,but he knew that was unrealistic. Horace's stomach started to make weird sounds. He knew he should eat, but he didn't have the desire. He turned on the water in the shower and made it as hot as possible. He jumped in the showr and put his head down. "Damn, i have to wash away this funk i'm in" he thought to himself. Horace stayed in the shower until the water started to get lukewarm. He dried off and put on some clean boxers, and clean socks. He felt good and relaxed, but his energy level was still low. On the way to the bed, he knocked a picture off the dresser. He picked it up and looked at it. It was a photograph of his grandmother, the only person who had understood him. She passed away when he was nine years old, and twenty years later he still felt a strong connection toward her. "Trying to hang in there grandma" he said kissing the picture. It was kind of warm in the room so he put on the fan. He went over to the window to close the blinds. He could not beleive how warm it was. The sun was shining, if one did not know better they would think it was spring. Horace closed the blinds and fell back onto the bed with his arms spread eagle. He felt like a kid again as he rolled under the covers. It took him back to his days growing up in Pennsylvania on those cold winter days and nights. He put the covers over his head. His mind was cluttered with confusion he tried to clear it, and replace the clutter with positive thoughts. He went back to those times when it was a given for the ground to be covered with snow in december. It was a time of innocence, joy, and worry free. His mother and father were still married, not divorced. He remembers those times at christmas when the whole family would get together for christmas dinner. His mother would bake chocolate chip cookies, there was always hot cocoa waiting for him and his sister when they would come in from having snowball fights. A sense of peace and calm came over him, then his nostrils caught a familiar smell. It was so strong that he had to open his eyes and come from under the covers. Is that gingerbread?" he said out loud. He jumped out of bed and had to take a pause. Horace looked around to see he wasn't in his bedroom anymore, in a sense. He was in his room, but it was his room when he was nine years old. It was how he remembered it, as evidence to the Superman comforter on his bed and the Micheal Jackson Thriller poster on his wall. "I have to be dreaming" he said. Horace walked into his old house from back in the days. Everything was as he remembered except that the house was empty. He went in the kitchen to find the gingerbread on the stove. "Wow, it sure does smell and look real" he said. He was about to take a slice, when he looked out of the kitchen window in the backyard. It looke like a winter wonderland and out in the middle of it was a person building a snowman. Horace recognized the person and rushed outside. As he marched thru the snow he spoke to the individual. "Grandma?" horace said in shock. His grandmother was bent over gathering up some soft snow. "Well just don't stand there boy, help me finish this snowman." She didn't even look at him when she spoke. Horace was speechless, so he just joined her. When he reached down he realized the snow was not cold. "Wait for the gingerbread to cool down before you get a piece" she said. Horace just stard at her. "How did you?" He stopped in mid-sentence and laughed. "Yeah, i always did rush in and take a piece burning my tongue." "Mm-hmm.You look good boy.You've been taking care of yourself" she said. She seemed intent on finishing the snowman. "I've been trying grandma, but i haven't been feeling well in my spirit." "Well, maybe if you stop smoking them cigarettes you would have more energy." It was clear to horace that she had been watching his life closely. "I know you've been going thru a rough patch, but it's not anything you can't pull through" she said. For some reason he could not see her face. "I don't know grandma, it's been hard.I never have any money and i don't have the time to spend with my son." "You make time horace, don't you give up.It's not in your blood to quit, if you need extra money, get an extra job. You should listen to janet, i really like her." He laughed. "I bet you do. You know grandma i really missed you..so