BAEZ DINWIDDIE "Rest His Soul", Martin "Tater" Boring [best ereader for textbooks txt] 📗

....... BAEZ DINWIDDIE .........

Down Where the Kudzu Grows
Lie Family Secrets that nobody Knows
and If you want to Keep your Head
Somethings Best just left Unsaid....


Ppppsssssttttt … Hey! …YOU! …... Yeah YOU! ……C’mere ….. Lend me an ear... well in this case your eyes … and I’ll tell you the Story of Baez Dinwiddie … (Looks down) Rest His Soul…..well at least the end of him …… But WHATEVER you do ………. Do NOT let Eunice Hear that you Heard this at All!...

Eunice has never quit being Mad at Baez for leaving her…. and One of these days he is Gonna Get it! ….. She Told him and TOLD him Not to Bother Bessie That day … She had noticed the Day before that the calf Just would not leave Bessie alone…..
Bessie was puttin up a fuss about it and kept shunnin her calf, that is until Eunice went outside and separated them … finally givin Bessie some relief. … Poor thing! Her utters were raw and tender….. Accordin to Eunice … she says that She Warned that Old fool to leave her alone! ….. But Nooooooo the next morning he got up extra early and snuck off on down to the barn with his lantern to try to Milk her anyway! ….

Now Right about here this story can go a couple of ways …You see…. Eunice never speaks of what happened after that :-s

… Some folks around here believe that Baez tugged and tugged on Bessie despite her protest and his frustration to the point that somehow that nincompoop decided to get down on his hands and knees to try to siphon the milk out himself :-s …. Yes They Say he was Literally Suckin’ on her hind teet :-s … When he failed to heed Bessie’s vocal warnings she stirred up and kicked him in the head….. Now they think she dittin mean to… but she laceter …. Lacertrat … lact uhmmmm …. She cracked his Skull wide open! :-s …..

Now there is another popular version of this story … and it is Not for the Faint of heart ……
It was also known that whenever Baez would go to milk Bessie … that clever little cow had a way of lettin him know that she was Not pleased … on more than one occasion she had lifted her tail and dished out some of that gaseous righteousness :-) … you know the kind … then she’d looked back at him with that half smile look and you just knew she was thinkin … “That’ll serve ya right!” …..
Now as Clever as a Cow can be you have to remember .. They Just ain't that Bright! (shakes head mm mm mmmm) for ya see…. Baez had gotten up extra early that mornin …. And had taken the lantern with him …….... Bessie forgot about the lantern :-s ….. Now I’m not gonna get into any graphic details about what happened next, but that is what some people round here believe Caused the Explosion. :-s
There are others but those are the two most popular rumors …. The folks around here Know better than to bring the Subject up with Eunice. …. She would tan their hide for sure….
One of the rumors around here was that afterwards Miss Millie couldn’t look at Eunice and keep a straight face ….. They say Miss Millie disappeared without a Trace :-s
Now Poor Eunice .. She still keeps Baez …. Rest His Soul …... close to her heart…. Still smokes his handmade corncob pipe and keeps up his rabbit tobacco garden. …….
We believe it is part of Eunice’s coping mechanism, but whenever an outsider asks her about her husband. She simply tells them that Yes she does have a Husband… However he had a bad Accident and is in the Hospital.
If they inquire about how he should be well by Now? … She tells them ….. “Oh He’s Well All Right! …. He just likes Layin’ up there in that hospital not havin’ to do Nuthin but look at dem purty Nurses All day! ……
But That’s Okay ……. Cause One of These Days! ………
HE’S GONNA GET IT! : - )

Text: Cover Photo from the Boring Family photo collection: Photographer unknown Story Idea, Characters, Concept, Property of Martin and Boring please do not print or copy without permission
Publication Date: 02-23-2011

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