Nothing to Eat, Jr. Horatio Alger and Thomas Chandler Haliburton [best motivational books txt] 📗
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NOTHING TO EAT By Horatio Alger and Thomas Chandler Haliburton NOT By the Author of “Nothing to Wear”
And so I must pamper the delicate thing."
—The least mite will suffice:
A side bone and dressing and bit of the breast.
The tip of the rump—that's it—and one of the fli's"
{Illustration: “PROTESTING, EXCUSING, AND SWEARING A VOW, SHE'D NOTHING WORTH EATING TO GIVE US FOR DINNER."}
NEW YORK
1857
Entered according to the Act of Congress, in the year 1857, by EDWARD O. JENKINS, in the Clerk's Office of the District Court for the Southern District of New York.
TO ALL LADIES “DYING WITH DYSPEPSIA.
“Where fashion and folly are all of a suit.”
BY A JOLLY GOOD NATURED AUTHOR.
CONTENTS
NOTHING TO EAT.
The Argument
The Proof—the Queen of Fashion
The Object aimed at.
What another Poet did.
How the Author sometimes Dines.
Merdle the Banker.
Places Where Mortals Dine.
Things That Mortals Eat There.
The Invitation.
The Merdle Origin.
Mrs. Merdle At Home.
Mrs. Merdle goes to Market.
The Dinner-bell Rings.
The Dinner Table Talk.
Mrs. Merdle doubts Paradise's Uneating Pleasure.
Mrs. Merdle Discourseth of Things Earthly.
Mrs. Merdle Discourseth of Things Eatable.
Mrs. Merdle Ordereth the Second Course.
Mrs. Merdle Discourseth of Hygiene and Fish Sauce.
Mrs. Merdle Describeth her Doctor.
Mrs. Merdle Discourseth again on Dinner.
Mrs. Merdle Accepteth of a slight Dinner, suitable for a Woman suffering with Dyspepsia.
Mrs. Merdle Discourseth of Wishes and her Sufferings.
Mrs. Merdle Discourseth of Pudding.
Mrs. Merdle Discourseth of the necessity of good Wine and other Matters.
Mrs. Merdle Suggesteth that Dinner being finished, the Gentlement will Smoke. In the meantime, she Discourseth.
Mrs. Merdle, having “Nibbled a Little” for two Hours at Dinner, retireth from the Table unsatisfied.
The Poet Moralizeth—He Discourseth to those who Gorge and Complain.
He Discourseth of the Wherefore of Bachelorism.
He Discourseth of What some Mortals Live for.
He Imploreth Mercy upon those condemned with fashionable folly to Marry, and Illustrateth their Condition.
He Imploreth Merry for other Unfortunate Beings.
He Discourseth of a Common Prayer.
He Discourseth of Trouble and Sorrow.
He Moralizeth upon what a Day may Bring forth.
ILLUSTRATIONS. (not available in this edition)
PLATE I, NOTHING TO EAT
PLATE II, THE “DINING SALOON”
PLATE III, THE INVITATION TO DINNER
PLATE IV, KITTY MALONE'S INHERITANCE
PLATE V, THE MEAT MARKET
PLATE VI, THE DINNER
PLATE VII, THE WATER CURE
PLATE VIII, AFTER DINNER
NOTHING TO EAT. Not by the Author of “Nothing to Wear.”
The Argument THOUGH famine prevails not at all in the city; Though none of starvation have died in the street; Yet many there are now exciting our pity, Who're daily complaining of nothing to eat. The every-day cry and the every-day fare, That's every day heard where the Livewells are dining, Is nothing to eat, or else nothing to wear, Which naked and starving rich Merdles are whining. There's Kitty Malone—Mrs. Merdle 'tis now— Was ever on earth here before such a sinner; Protesting, excusing and swearing a vow, She'd nothing worth eating to give us for dinner. Why Kitty, if starving for want of a meal, And had'nt a cent in the world to buy meat, You wouldn't exclaim with a more pious zeal, “I'm dying of hunger—we've nothing to eat!!”
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