Member Anthology of Best Fake Dating Ads Writing Challenge, BookRix Members [e textbook reader txt] 📗

Best Fake Dating Ads
Writing Challenge on BookRix

November 22-29, 2010
(in order of post)

Lovestoread43

A Knight in New York

Lonely, but virile male, seeks double-jointed super model who owns a brewery and grows pot. Access to free concert tickets a plus, as is having an open-minded twin sister.


Scoraus

From the "Parents Without Partners" personals

LACTATING SINGLE MOTHER OF THREE, PROUD TO HAVE FINALLY KICKED THE HEROIN HABIT, SEEKS FINANCIALLY SECURE LIBERAL PARTNER WHO IS COMFORTABLE WITH PAIN.


Gooduklady

Alcatraz Prison Penpal Department (via iPod)

Penitent pedophile seeks fresh start. Visits from young ladies between six and fourteen appreciated.


Hazel188

Morning Journal

Woman looking for a new start, just out of jail, seeks wealthy man with kids for an excuse to go to Ceder Point, man must be at least 5'10" or taller. If your that man call me at 555-555-5555


Twilightfrk

Lover Wanted

Lovesick superhero wanting young girl that is impossibly gorgeous who doesn't mind being kidnapped, blown up, attacked by bad guys, or being left alone for years while pregnant because I decided to return to a planet that doesn't exist. If you fit this description call 911-911-hero


Orchard678

Lover Idiot Wanted

Lover Idiot Wanted. Needs to be at least over 30 and loves to eat cow patties. Must be a billionaire and have children so I can make an excuse whenever I invite a 'friend' over. Must work in or works related to a bank so I can get loans for free. And you have to say these words, "Honey, I hate you", then slap me so I can call the police for adult abuse whenever I feel like your not good enough for me. If you're interested, call 000-000-0001!


Twilightlol

I am a carefree supermodel with black hair...

I am a carefree supermodel with black hair and baby blue eyees that you could get lost in. I want children but not for a while i am 21 yrs. old very compelling and got arrested twice in the last year for disorderly conduct I want a man that is mysterious carefree rich and sexy if you fall under these catagories please call 753-525-XXXX


Wambuique

HUMOR LOVOR

Laughter,,Lovor,,humor..takor,,,wanted by a Kenyan Author writer and competititor "NAOMI CAMPBELL 2011".."cAn you handle this give me a bazz 1800-wambuique-2-the-rescue..


himabindu.works8

Wanted

Qualities sought:
- strong enough so that he could carry my 20-30 shopping bags easily.
- health conscious(on diet) so that I get to eat everything without sharing and he can eat leftovers.
- Positive attitude, When I put on little a weight he should say you look lovely like a cherub.
- Bad humor so that I won't have competition.
Above all qualities are (for a man-date) mandatory.


Icecream

Need Adulterer!

Seeking wealthy wife beater, so that I can get 80% of all your possesions in the speedy divorce. Must be a drug addict, so I will always get my fix. Must have kids to use as human shields, incase my friends get violent. The walls of the mansion must be covered in weapons so that I may protect myself from the wild animals I plan to buy for my new coat. Must be understanding and take the blame for all the illegal things I plan to do. If you fit this description and are extremely drop dead gorgeuos, please call 666-666-ANGL


Cyndi.2010

Seeking Love Interest

Georgeous blonde hair, blue eyed,(color changes to your liking)female measuring 36"-24"-36" seeks love interest to devote time and energy into making you feel like a King. (Disclosure: may cause some dizziness, weakness, or fatal disease, hourly rates available, not responsible for possible illness or injuries)


Michaelmpacheco

Today's Your Lucky Day

Lonely guy - just inherited a Starbucks franchise from a distant relative. Looking for a lover who won't "blow" my cover. If you're a hot and single woman (or just hot and horny) call me. My P.O. says it's okay for me to do this. Signed: Casanova.


King107

I'M A GOLD DIGGER LOOKING FOR A STUPIDLY HOT GUY WHO,OF COURSE IS STUPID SO I CAN TRICK YOU OUT OF ANYTHING,YOU HAVE TO HAVE BROAD SHOULDERS SO THAT IF YOU ARE WALKING IN FRONT OF ME I CAN FLIRT AND YOU WON'T KNOW.YOU HAVE TO BE BUSY ALOT SO I CAN ENTERTAIN SOME FRIENDS.i HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND


Briella

Love to be!

A Women looking for love for a life time someone,she can grow old with,someone to look at her the same way as they did on there first date,someone to love them forever and not to look at any over women.

She is black haired,green eye's,tall skinny body,white/peurto rican women and she's looking for a tall,tan,buff,buetiful man....1-800-buetiful

Tazk786

A man who is 20 years younger than me- preferably 20!!
Straight from California with a tan and fit body that I can stare at all day with feelings of fatigue
Scrub my feet for me when I come back from the knitting club

Is jealous very easily

Falls in love with me as soon as he sets his eyes on me and my beautiful body- although my friends say I'm getting all shrivelly, now that I'm in my mid 40's
Won't mind if I bring my ex-husband along for a night
Ring me now baby boy- 0123 456 789

Note: I will not be responsible if you are hurt in my process of finding love...


Alexandra.wolf

I am looking for a boy but waiting for a man.

I am not exactly looking for the most handsomest man on earth with green emerald eyes and dark brown hair or that is about six foot two. Gorgeous toned body: Nice strong shoulders and arms. A smile that makes me weak at the knees... it would be nice though. I just want someone who wants to go somewhere in life; someone who is determined to do something. I don't want someone who still lives in their parents' basement; I want him to be independent. I want someone who thinks I'm beautiful in sweats and an over sized tee with no make-up on. I want someone who can make me laugh bringing tears to my eyes. Someone who is not afraid to take chances. I need someone will support me in everything I do even when he doesn't agree but yet he speaks his mind. Someone who enjoys watching old movies and cuddling on the couch instead of going out. If this man is out there, please call 1-800-too-good-to-be-true.


Alikzandria9395

I'm a Genie looking for a master!

I am an incredibly beautiful woman, curves as smooth as silk, ivory skin and the most aluring blue eyes that you can get lost in. I want a man I can wait on hand and foot. I will always be there to relieve your 'tension' day and night. You will never have to do anything except enjoy being treated like a king. Your wish is my command! If you think you can handle it call me right now at 555-urslave.


Smlaughalot

NOW HIRING:

MAN WANTED: Short, bald, huge, negative, poor, lousy, weak, blunt, plain, and predictable. Now just add the following to the end of each previous adjective: hair, chest, heart, complaints, temper, liar, ego, honesty, good looking, goals. It’s that simple! Qualified applicants must submit “Statement of Purpose” and resume in its entirety. Background check, fingerprinting, mental health analysis, and drug testing will be conducted after the interview. Apply today! Realistic_Expectations@hotfemale.com


Iyasostuff

Psychologically normal man wanted

I'm a Psycho logically normal woman looking for a Psycho logically normal man so we can have Psycho logically normal babies together. Please call me soon. I hate waiting. Love. You! If you could do any better than me you wouldn't be reading this. SO YOU BETTER CALL ME! SOON! NOW! XOXOX


Woodncanvas

“WANTED: Woman who will put up with a “canoehead”. Should be able to paddle well; especially good to have reliable cross-bow draw as I paddle in Class II water at times. If she has own canoe that would be ideal. Better yet if she has a wood canvas canoe and lives near Algonquin, Temagami, Quetico or anywhere else that is in canoe country (and where in Canada isn’t canoe country?!?!?). Don’t care if she “outpaddles” me — in fact likely will. Must love canoeing and canoe tripping as much — or more — than she does me. Definite bonus if able to paddle solo as well as Becky Mason (then she could show me how to do all those fancy pivots and turns and make my canoe literally dance a canoe ballet). Probably should have good paying job as not much “financial reward” being a “paddle bum/canoehead”. However I do appreciate amazing sunsets over the water I’m paddling on (yes this means I am often late setting up camp) or the colour of the trees in fall or the taste of GORP on the trail ….as least as much as some do cuddling by the fireplace, romantic candlelit dinners, walks on the beach (all of which I’m not adverse to as long as it doesn’t cut into my time canoeing….and I don’t even want to get into the definition of a “true Canadian” being “somebody who can make love in a canoe without tipping”….suffice to say that I’m sure, at least, that any prospective female canoe partner might have figured out that taking out the centre thwart would make such a “defining” moment potentially easier….however it is far more important that she has the ability to carry the canoe herself over any portage no matter how long or rocky….plus to have a solid repertoire of various paddle strokes from the J to the running pry). Please forward pictures of canoe (or preferably canoes) owned – if she owns a kayak or two as well that will not be a problem. So paddles up, wanting to get together soon out on the water.”


Missfletcher

Almighty Goddess Seeks Almighty Goddess

Likes; the power of creation, steadfastness, self-sacrafice, peacemaking, and long walks across the universe. Dislikes; apocalypses, smiting, men who defile my sublimely beautiful acolytes in my temples, blasphemy, and belief in the "evil of woman". To contact place hands together and pray, "Oh my goddess".


Cavlaster

Long-suffering male wanted...

25 year old DHF, 5,9” seeking a 26-40 year old man, over 6 feet tall. I prefer a male nurse who is ready for a long term commitment, marriage. He must be empathetic to my extreme case of Psoriasis and Halitosis. I seek an affectionate male, willing to suck my toes although I suffer chronic nail fungus. I’m told that my skin permeates a unique aroma, resembling a dead rat. The man chosen shall receive millions of dollars after my death in March 2025. Interested? Contact me at: dyingbride_1002@millonaireclub.net


Mrstomofumi

La-La-La-Lover

Randy old man seeking young, blonde Russian broad who tends to every desire. I think I haven't found someone in a while due to the adult films I've recently starred in. Probably the pedo mustache might add to it as well. But if you like what you're hearing, gimme a dirty note at sexliger@mail.com


Moanalisa311

woman seeking man

Single white female in desperate need of single white man. I am looking for any type of man to share a