Misheard Shakespeare, Paul Curtis [the best electronic book reader .txt] 📗

HUNGRY SHAKESPEARE


To eat or not to eat, that is ingestion
Whether tis hunger in the mind to suffer
The pangs and gurgles of outrageous juices
Or to take in food against a sea of rumbles
And by digesting end them.


COOKING ROMEO

But soft and light filling, through pastry breaks
Is it the yeast and flour in the buns?
Arise soufflé and lunch will be soon
Who is ready to sit and dine on beef?


MARK ANTONY’S RUMP

Rump, sirloin, brisket, all but the ears
I come to roast beef not to braise it
Liver that can be so good with onions
Tripe, offal and soup made with their bones
So let it be with beef the noble cow


JULIETS SAUCE

Oh Heinz, Heinz! Where is the Heinz?
Even my father has used the same
And if there is none, I will go without
As I will use no other ketchup


HAMLETS BREAKFAST

Ah cold porridge! I think not, waitress: marmalade
Of infinite zest, on toast lightly browned. I’ll have
A pot of coffee black a Colombian blend and now how
About juice freshly squeezed and that’s it.thanks


SHAKESPEARE’S WINE

Try Medoc and then sip the Saint Emillion
That this full-bodied wine shall smell of earth
With fruity nose, supple soft and well rounded


DIVORCE, DIVORCE

Divorce Divorce my kingdom for Divorce!
With law my friend I'll help you to divorce.
Brave, I have left my spouse at long last, and I will stand the brunt of law.
I think I will face six lawyers in the court, five have already contacted me so far.
Divorce, Divorce my kingdom for Divorce!


MARK ME ANTHONY

Fiends, rascals, rapscallions
Tell me your fears
I, ever a busy geezer, try to raise them


SHAKESPEARE HAS LEFT THE BUILDING, ANTHONY

What Elvis Presley did lives after him
The king is now interred with his tones
So let it be from Caesar’s
In notorious Vegas
Were Elvis the king was tremendous


ONCE MORE HENRY

Once more onto the beach
Dear ones by the shore
Or sit on the wall or deck chair or sun bed


UNFRIENDLY TO HENRY

The both are false friends in my eyes
I see them stand like vultures in the wings
Straining on my good nature, and times run out
Follow my instinct and upon this course
I cry “sod that Gary England and sister George”


MACBETH ON THE OCHEY

Single, double, bull and treble
Straight in, and finish on a double
First off ninety eight
In the contest a lead we take
One hundred and eighty next
Down to earth then with twenty six
Better next throw back on track
Seventy two and seventy six
Forty nine to go nineteen first
Then a miss, then in the double


RICHARD’S REPAST

How is this dinner?
Where’s the condiment?
Made delicious supper
With a chop of pork
And all the herbs
That spiced upon our plates
A brief soupcon
Of liqueur and berries


CAESAR FOR SOOTH

Wear the strides of starch? What plan is that
A couth player kids you dare the strides of starch
Get him to score for me? Get me his place
Yellow some of the thongs look upon a geezer
Plot may plow to the sea cow
Chic won aclaim
Wear the strides of starch
She is a cleaner Petula Cleavesden-Arse

Publication Date: 11-30-2010

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